# Girlfriend spending more and more time with work friends **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2014, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269 "2014-07-16T13:27:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/61 "2014-07-17T21:36:30Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Knock this shit off immediately. Don’t keep crying about wanting to meet her friends. Don’t push this. If she doesn’t want you to meet them, that is trouble, and your hinting/whining won’t do a thing. > Stop it! You don’t want to meet them anyway-you just want to assure yourself, and, in the meantime, you are coming across like some shrewish jealous old woman. Didn’t a man once say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” ?? IOW, how can he gauge the situation by appearing disinterested in her life? That sounds like a recipe for her finding a new partner… In my experience, getting in good with a girl’s friends is a huge benefit. When they are hanging out, they will mention how cool and fun you are. Otherwise, they are asking her “why are you still with that guy?” ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/62 "2014-07-17T21:52:36Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > In my experience, getting in good with a girl’s friends is a huge benefit. When they are hanging out, they will mention how cool and fun you are. Otherwise, they are asking her “why are you still with that guy?” ITA, but it seems like these people are “summer friends,” and they won’t stick around for long, at which point the OP will be the center of the girl’s world once again, which is what he seemingly wants. I’m sorry, **Brad** , but the more details you give, the unhealthier this whole relationship seems. Shopping for wedding rings at 20? Yeah, it works in some occasions, but more often than not, people who marry young tend to get divorced, because they are still developing. Also, I think for _her_ sake, you need to step back a bit. By dominating her time, or allowing her to spend the majority of her time with you, you really aren’t doing her any favors. After the summer, once “real life” begins again, she needs to take some time to focus on her social life. I feel like she’s a willing hostage solely devoted to her boyfriend (at the sake of creating / developing other friendships), and the fact that she can’t wait to be a “mommy” at the age of 20 just makes me shudder for some reason. You say she has a hard major, so I assume it’s an engaging passion of hers, and unless she went to college to get her MRS, I feel like you’re going to tie her down and knock her up before she’s fully matured and become the person she is going to be. I assume she is going to be a stay-at-home mom once she gets pregnant and (while that’s fine and completely her choice) that’s just not a decision I would want to make until after obtaining my degree) This just seems like the recipe for resentment. If she loves you when she’s 20 (and you don’t fuck it up), she’ll love you when she’s 24. Let her grow. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/63 "2014-07-17T21:59:59Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > …In my experience, getting in good with a girl’s friends is a huge benefit. When they are hanging out, they will mention how cool and fun you are. Otherwise, they are asking her “why are you still with that guy?” I’m saying that he shouldn’t ‘hint’, or even ask to meet them. If she wants them to meet, she’ll bring it up. And, IIRC, he did bring it up before, and was given the fish eye. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/64 "2014-07-17T22:08:35Z")
Wait a minute…I just read the bit about the 'Sunday…ring" thing. What did you tell her? I’m reading a bit more into the situation…but, bottom line, you aren’t giving her what she wants, either way. If she wants a ring/marriage, you aren’t providing it…she wants fun friends, you’re sulking like who knows what. What further information do you have, i.e., have you left out, that is relevant to this OP? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/65 "2014-07-17T22:16:04Z")
It’s over. Pre-emptively ditch her. Try not to think too much about the new guy(s) in her life pouring the pork to her. She’s part of your past. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/66 "2014-07-17T22:39:10Z")
> [@brad32](#): > > Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel we are in the same situation as you two are/were. The main thing that attracted me to her was her maturity and family situation and how she viewed her life. > > Gosh, she even asked me on Sunday again after we had talked when I was going to put a ring on her finger as she had discussed the possible dates with her boss. > > Again, thank you for your insight. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad sign that she’s avoiding having you meet these people. She probably wants something all to herself, a chance to explore who she is without you. And that’s normal. How you react to it will likely be a pretty significant factor in making or breaking the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/67 "2014-07-18T17:25:10Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > IOW, how can he gauge the situation by appearing disinterested in her life? That sounds like a recipe for her finding a new partner… > > In my experience, getting in good with a girl’s friends is a huge benefit. When they are hanging out, they will mention how cool and fun you are. Otherwise, they are asking her “why are you still with that guy?” You don’t want her friends to think you’re a jerk, but you also don’t want to be “one of the gang” either. You still want to maintain some distance between you and your SO’s friends to keep an element of mystery and surprise. The dynamic where you have the life-long couple and their 4 assorted single friends who date each other when they aren’t dating the girl/boyfriend of the week only happens in sitcoms. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269/68 "2014-07-18T17:34:30Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad sign that she’s avoiding having you meet these people. She probably wants something all to herself, a chance to explore who she is without you. And that’s normal. How you react to it will likely be a pretty significant factor in making or breaking the relationship. Yup. Sounds like you two like each other, so I hope you react the right way and ‘make’ rather than ‘break’ it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-spending-more-and-more-time-with-work-friends/693269.md?page=3)