# Girlfriend wants to move to US, thoughts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2016, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655 "2016-05-13T04:28:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/41 "2016-05-14T05:42:57Z")
To the OP Rule #1 Never send money FYI i am in the K-1 visa process now. Did i mention never send money? She will not be issued a tourist visa to come visit you unless she has good reason to return. Things like ownership of a business, significant real estate assets, etc. A young woman with a fresh degree is a prime candidate for trying to overstay her visa. Getting married on a tourist visa is gonna turn into a process that will require immigration attorneys to sort out. Its pretty much specifically forbidden. If she shows you a picture of a tourist visa, insist on a close up picture of it. Email it to the US consular office in her country and ask if they can confirm its validity. Oh, never send money. If you do anything, go to her. Buy a refundable ticket and be prepared for a last minute cancellation or personal catastrophe. I am engaged to a wonderful phillipino woman, i have spent time with her in the phillipines. She has never once asked me for money over the 18 months we have been talking. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/42 "2016-05-14T06:13:35Z")
You should learn more about how catfishing works. Go to YouTube. Enter the word “catfish”. This will bring up many stories from the TV program _Catfish_. Watch a lot of them. You will learn just how common it is to be fooled and how sneakily deceptive people can be. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/43 "2016-05-14T06:18:42Z")
More perspective I hope, for your sake she is real and wants a meaningful relationship with you. That said, there are women who do this for a living and are very, very good at their jobs. Like heart transplant surgeon good. Common wages in some of these countries is around $100/mo. Stringing along a few guys for visa/passport fees every month can make for a decent lifestyle. Getting someone to send $2k for round trip plane fair is life changing money. I have chatted with more than a few scammers, some are obvious, some are artists and have little problem stringing you along for months. I grew quite attached to a Vietnamese woman who turned out to be a scammer. Story here [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=690199&highlight=honey](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=690199&highlight=honey) 95% of all scam scenarios are avoided if you never send money. My trip to phillipines [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=754084&highlight=phillipines&page=2](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=754084&highlight=phillipines&page=2) ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/44 "2016-05-14T09:46:42Z")
I’ll chime in and say this has all the hallmarks of a scam. Hell, it would not surprise me if this “girlfriend” turned out to be a man! My wife and I have been married and living together for 22 years, and we’ve been in a relationship longer than that. We’re just now trying to get her an Immigrant Visa to the US, and while it’s not a Fiancee Visa, I am a little up on procedures now. I don’t for a minute think a Fiancee Visa would be approved in this instance. They’ve never met in person, she is obviously overcharging for the plane tickets, and she comes from a notoriously scam-intensive country. No chance here whatsoever, I would say. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/45 "2016-05-14T12:12:40Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I’ll chime in and say this has all the hallmarks of a scam. Hell, it would not surprise me if this “girlfriend” turned out to be a man! > . That would be extra challenging she does video chat with him, so its probably a woman. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/46 "2016-05-14T12:28:05Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > You are young, and by your e, but you don’t have to deal with the realities of a _REAL_ relationship. Instead of worrying about bringing this other person to the US, you need to be figuring out why you are _avoiding_ real relationships. I would disagree that he is avoiding a relationship, he has just been bitten by a fairly convincing scammer. These kinds of scenarios can form the beginning of a real relationship but i would agree that its not real until its in person. I flew 14 hours to find out and am glad i did. ---
**Author:** ![NAF1138](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naf1138/32/3245_2.png) [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/47 "2016-05-14T13:21:11Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > I am 26 and she is 28 so there is no real age difference. I have been in previous long distance relationships before, 95 percent of them were online. One lasted for 4 years before ending up in a train wreck, she had no intrest in moving with me even when offering the money. > > I am super excited about this since this seems like it’s actually going somewhere. I have always intended to be serious from the beginning. I am currently self studying for a certification in networking. I am aware I need to find a job in order to be able to support her. > > The reason we planned on marrying so early is because it could take years in order to get the visa we want. Tell us a bit about the not online ones. Ever had a non long distance relationship? Again, just overwhelming curiosity. Also, what’s your current living situation like? ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/48 "2016-05-14T13:56:17Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > I would disagree that he is avoiding a relationship, he has just been bitten by a fairly convincing scammer. > > These kinds of scenarios can form the beginning of a real relationship but i would agree that its not real until its in person. I flew 14 hours to find out and am glad i did. I would agree with you until he said 95% of his relationships have been online. One of them lasting for 4 years. Four years in an online relationship? Many good relationships start online, that is they _start_ there. It worked for you - but how long would you have stayed in an online relationship without meeting in person? How many times would you go from one online relationship to another without saying, ‘I’m missing out on something here?’ ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/49 "2016-05-14T15:41:16Z")
This is a very bad time to move to the USA. Think: President Trump. Take a year to think things through. Or, move there. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/50 "2016-05-14T16:37:14Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Worse. Dar is only 1,500 miles from Pretoria. About the same driving time though. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/51 "2016-05-14T16:38:43Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > I am super excited about this since this seems like it’s actually going somewhere. I have always intended to be serious from the beginning. I am currently self studying for a certification in networking. I am aware I need to find a job in order to be able to support her. Are you reading anything that anyone is writing to you? You’re getting EXCELLENT advice and you seem to be ignoring every word of it. We are literally trying to save you thousands of dollars in cash, heartbreak, and embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/52 "2016-05-14T17:48:04Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Are you reading anything that anyone is writing to you? You’re getting EXCELLENT advice and you seem to be ignoring every word of it. > > We are literally trying to save you thousands of dollars in cash, heartbreak, and embarrassment. There’s all kinds of scams, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/53 "2016-05-14T18:47:18Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Are you reading anything that anyone is writing to you? You’re getting EXCELLENT advice and you seem to be ignoring every word of it. > > We are literally trying to save you thousands of dollars in cash, heartbreak, and embarrassment. When you ask a bunch of people for advice & you’re given dozens of unanimous answers, you _really_ should think about the advice you’re being given. Sure there’s a jerk or two or a snarky person out there who might feed you BS advice, but I’ve been around this board for years, the vast majority are **not** assholes & I suggest you follow the advice you’ve been given. Send not a cent. ---
**Author:** ![Ramira](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ramira/32/344_2.png) [@Ramira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ramira)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/54 "2016-05-14T19:14:14Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > There’s all kinds of scams, of course. or performances for reaction ---
**Author:** ![Why\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b782af/32.png) [@Why\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_Child)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/55 "2016-05-14T19:37:35Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > Hi, I am new to the board. …snip… It costs around 2,500 dollars per flight. With the fiance visa requirement they require her to come here first, go back then wait for the visa to get approved. This costs around 5,000 dollars roughly. > …snip **T-Minus,** Welcome to the board! > [@T-Minus](#): > > …snip… > > I am super excited about this since this seems like it’s actually going somewhere. **I have always intended to be serious from the beginning.** I am currently self studying for a certification in networking. \*\*I am aware I need to find a job in order to be able to support her. \*\* > …snip… \*Liberal snipping and the bolding is mine. You have been receiving excellent advice. I’ll add - SEND NO MONEY!! I’m going to chime in with everyone and tell you, this just sounds like a bad idea. You have, “always intended to be serious from the beginning,”\*\* and\*\* it was love at first sight? I know what feeling “in love” is like. Heady, exhilarating, and she can do no wrong. No matter how many other people are picking holes in it. :smack: Ok, so since you need $7500 to bring her here… and you do not have a job… why don’t you go meet her first? Spend a week there and MAKE CERTAIN she is “the one.” It’s cheaper than paying for the whole shebang at once. 😉 :rolleyes: Providing we are **all** wrong, at least that will give you more motivation to came back and save the money to move her here. Anyway, good luck. (Paying for the whole shebang… hee,hee!) ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/56 "2016-05-14T20:02:54Z")
I doubt if very many respondents to this thread have much personal experience with these kinds of issues, and are beginning at the default position that this is a scam, until proved otherwise. Most scams are ridiculously transparent. At the same time, there are millions or perfectly nice people in the third world, including Africa, who have, on the one hand, good intentions, but on the other,a motivation to befriend someone from a rich country to marry them or otherwise help them escape from life of destitution. When traveling in the third world, I am often asked by people if I can do anything to help them immigrate to America. They are not scammers, they are just looking for a way to get their foot in the door. Once, when I was careless enough to leave a mailing address, I got a letter saying “Remember you promised me you would help me get to America”. This from a young schoolgirl whose very nice family let rooms. T-minus, what I’d really like to know is just how did you first get into contact with this lady? How did you find each other? Even if it was originally a scam, working those kinds of operations in Africa is just a job, the ladies are not private entrepreneurs, they work out of an office equipped with phones and computers. It is no better (nor worse) than being a USA-based telemarketer. If a girl can work a good prospect for herself, she might be perfectly happy to marry the guy and have a new life outside Africa, but meanwhile she gets a commission for scams. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/57 "2016-05-14T20:13:32Z")
Also, your chances of getting a fiancee visa for her under the circumstances you are describing are not good. The U.S. wants a little more than a mail order or penpal bride. I have a friend who spent five years trying to get his penpal bride into the U.S. - he even flew over (he’d gone over a lot) and married her and INS (it was still INS) wouldn’t let her in. They had little doubt about his commitment - but a lot of doubt about hers. So you could send this money and she could still be denied entry or permanent residence status. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/58 "2016-05-14T20:22:08Z")
I’m gonna go with scam as well. It just doesn’t sit well with me, and I’ve actually BEEN in a situation where a long distance foreign relationship developed into marriage. First off, fiance visa REQUIRES that you’ve met her. They want proof. Pictures of you two together. Showing you’ve met more than once helps immensely. Secondly, her coming out here on a work visa with the intent to marry is considered visa fraud and is a bad thing. Hell, even if you DO marry her, that doesn’t automatically make her a citizen. You then have to do a spousal visa which (I’m fairly certain) requires her to go BACK to her country of origin until the visa is approved. Honestly, the best way is fiance visa because once it’s approved, they can come into the country, marry you and stay. But again, this sounds bad. Please don’t send her ANY money. If she wants to come out to you, buy the ticket for her. If she offers ANY complaint or argument why that won’t work, well…that’s just more proof it’s not legit. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/59 "2016-05-14T23:13:40Z")
How does one, ‘self study’, for a ‘certification’ for networking? Anyone heard of this? What is it exactly? ---
**Author:** ![\_dev\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/85e7bf/32.png) [@\_dev\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_dev_goat)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2016, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655/60 "2016-05-15T01:00:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > How does one, ‘self study’, for a ‘certification’ for networking? Anyone heard of this? What is it exactly? > **[Information Technology (IT) Certifications & Training | CompTIA](https://www.comptia.org)** > > Start or grow your career in IT with an IT certification from CompTIA. Find everything you need to get certified - from exploring certifications to training to taking your exam. A motivated person could buy a study book and just go take the test. Better be really disciplined about your self-studying though, because it’s like 300 bucks to take the test and you lose your money if you fail. The “deluxe” package with certmaster training plus an extra test voucher in case you fail is only $100 more. Probably worth it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-wants-to-move-to-us-thoughts/754655.md?page=4)