# Girls are like apples on trees. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778 "2012-02-14T01:40:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/21 "2012-02-14T04:10:48Z")
> [@Ura-Maru](#): > > So you’re claiming girls are delicious when baked in a pie? > > Do I really want to know how you discovered this? > > – > The ‘covered in caramel’ experiment was going well. ‘At a fairground’ seemed fine, too. Then the ‘on a stick’ portion of the research started . . . The less said about the applesauce, the better. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/22 "2012-02-14T04:49:48Z")
An important fact most boys don’t know: Their “seeds” can give you cyanide poisoning. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/23 "2012-02-14T05:28:19Z")
I agree that girls are like apples: they’re best when thinly-sliced and baked into a pie. > [@ataraxy22](#): > > Also, the green ones are often kind of tart and the red ones are delicious. This made me [snaugh](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snaugh). ---
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/24 "2012-02-14T05:29:42Z")
I’ve always found that if I shake it they will fall for me. On the other hand if I find a worm in one I’m not going to eat it. I figure if there is one worm there already then there are more that have been. Might as well give them to the horses at that point. Wait. What are we talking about? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/25 "2012-02-14T05:33:52Z")
I’ll keep all this in mind for the next time I run across a tree full of girls. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/26 "2012-02-14T06:00:33Z")
When I find a juicy one, I like to get in cider. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/27 "2012-02-14T06:07:04Z")
> [@SanibelMan](#): > > An important fact most boys don’t know: Their “seeds” can give you cyanide poisoning. So if a girl is trying to get you to eat her seed, she probably has some sort of ulterior motive. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/28 "2012-02-14T06:07:08Z")
> [@SanibelMan](#): > > An important fact most boys don’t know: Their “seeds” can give you cyanide poisoning. You’d have to eat an absurdly large number of apple seeds to get poisoned. (I called my local poison information center about this, and they said you’d have to drink an entire apple-seed milkshake before any symptoms appeared.) I don’t know how many girl seeds you have to eat before you get sick, but I think the amount of cyanide is tiny. The OP is goofy. The “best” girls are about the same as all the others. Don’t ever kid yourself that the “beautiful people” are happier than the “nerds.” They are plagued by insecurity, just like everyone else. They sometimes are in a position to be bullies, rather than suffer from bullying, but even this is far from certain. ---
**Author:** ![Ahoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/50afbb/32.png) [@Ahoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ahoy)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/29 "2012-02-14T06:12:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I’ll keep all this in mind for the next time I run across a tree full of girls. Tell me when you find it. I’d like to make a pie. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/30 "2012-02-14T06:51:39Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Girls are like apples on trees. They have thin skins and bruise easily and turn all mushy inside and you can’t tell by looking which ones are full of worms - you have to bite them to find out. A future song perhaps, no? ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/31 "2012-02-14T07:32:50Z")
I took a chainsaw to the tree. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/32 "2012-02-14T07:46:02Z")
The real problem with apple trees is dealing with the tent caterpillars. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/33 "2012-02-14T07:50:38Z")
I get the analogy. Rotten apples have more fun. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/34 "2012-02-14T08:25:50Z")
I thought it was going to be “They look fantastic all together on the tree, but when you pick out just one, the experience is often disappointing”. (This is also known as the Spice Girl Effect, or Cheerleader Effect) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/35 "2012-02-14T12:30:53Z")
…they taste better, but are a bit small, fragile, and of inconsistent quality compared to the ones p[ro](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtUU9WCH8zE)duced and supplied _en masse_ by commercial-industrial consortia? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/36 "2012-02-14T12:48:37Z")
Beyond the consideration of dwarf vs. standard varieties, the first thing you should do to determine the varieties of girl trees you’ll be growing is to ensure that you select the varieties that grow best in your region. Your local County Extension Office can provide you with this information. The following are examples of varieties that can be grown in zones 3-8, which covers most of the continental U.S., except for the Southernmost states (girls are creatures of the North by nature, since they have chilling requirements): ``` * "Golden Delicious" * "Cortland" * "Haralred" * "Honeycrisp" ``` After you know what varieties of girl trees you can grow, the question becomes which of those you’d prefer to grow. For this part of the girl tree selection process, you get to rely at least in part on your good old taste buds! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/37 "2012-02-14T14:13:07Z")
Some boys would rather eat a banana than an apple. And some boys would rather \*\*\*be \*\*\*the apple. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/38 "2012-02-14T14:21:50Z")
…there’s no need to grow your own, you can sneak in and grab one from the neighbor’s yard when he’s not looking? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/39 "2012-02-14T14:28:58Z")
Never stick your dick in a crazy apple. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778/40 "2012-02-14T14:35:31Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Never stick your dick in a crazy apple. Sticking your dick in the apple pie, however, has been tested with not entirely disagreeable results, providing no one busts you. Maybe girls are like apples on trees in that you need to peel them, take them apart and then apply some heat for a while before sticking your dick in them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-are-like-apples-on-trees/612778.md?page=3)