# "Girls become women by growing older; boys become men by accomplishing something." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 30, 2013, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844 "2013-01-30T22:46:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/61 "2013-02-02T02:12:25Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Yeah that’s what I was thinking. “I’ll make you a woman” is a sexual threat. Or to be fair, a sexual _offer_. It’s only a _threat_ if the woman makes it clear she isn’t interested. Especially in the past when it was nigh-unthinkable that a woman would be “forward” enough to express interest first. > [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Here’s a cultural cliche that comes to mind: Does anybody ever tell a daughter, as opposed to a son, that she should do or endure this or that because it “builds character”? Not often if at all. On the other hand, people don’t tell boys to endure things or act in a certain way “because it’s ladylike”. I recall a conversation I had with my mother long ago as a kid where I complained about how whenever someone told me to “be a man” about something, it was always something stupid or that benefited _them_. She commented that it reminded her of when she was a girl and adults told _her_ to act in such-and-such a way because it was ladylike. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/62 "2013-02-02T02:33:09Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Here’s a cultural cliche that comes to mind: Does anybody ever tell a daughter, as opposed to a son, that she should do or endure this or that because it “builds character”? Yes, of course. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/63 "2013-02-02T02:36:15Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Here’s a cultural cliche that comes to mind: Does anybody ever tell a daughter, as opposed to a son, that she should do or endure this or that because it “builds character”? All the time, yes. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/64 "2013-02-02T02:42:13Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Here’s a cultural cliche that comes to mind: Does anybody ever tell a daughter, as opposed to a son, that she should do or endure this or that because it “builds character”? Sure, I’d say this happens all the time, but it’s not always presented in a gendered way. For example, I (girl) was raised Catholic, and the Catholic tradition holds that suffering leads to sanctification, so I got told variations of “suck it up, it builds character” because of my family’s religious beliefs, as did my brother. Gender didn’t really enter into it (as far as I was aware). Also, what parent doesn’t want their kid (boy or girl) to shut up and stop whining? Being ladylike also encompasses taking a lot of shit without complaining. Because a lady never, ever loses her temper in public and is unfailingly polite. So stoicism of a sort is valued among the ladies, but it’s just packaged in a different way. My mother liked to tell the story of how when she was in labor with me, her labor was 18 hours long and the nurses praised her for being so polite and easy-going, and she told them (apologetically!), “This is all a facade.” That’s a great example of someone who internalized the ladylike ideal – she wouldn’t let that facade slip even in the throes of agonizing pain. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/65 "2013-02-02T03:14:09Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > My mother liked to tell the story of how when she was in labor with me, her labor was 18 hours long and the nurses praised her for being so polite and easy-going, and she told them (apologetically!), “This is all a facade.” That’s a great example of someone who internalized the ladylike ideal – she wouldn’t let that facade slip even in the throes of agonizing pain. [while holding nurse tight by the bridge of the nose] “Pray excuse me, my dear, no doubt that nice Dr. Fillgrave is ever so wonderfully clever in his medical judgments, but one thinks nevertheless that one might do with a bit of morphine before one commences with biting off heads.” ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844/66 "2013-02-02T08:52:48Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Here’s a cultural cliche that comes to mind: Does anybody ever tell a daughter, as opposed to a son, that she should do or endure this or that because it “builds character”? > [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Sure, I’d say this happens all the time, but it’s not always presented in a gendered way. For example, I (girl) was raised Catholic, and the Catholic tradition holds that suffering leads to sanctification, so I got told variations of “suck it up, it builds character” because of my family’s religious beliefs, as did my brother. Gender didn’t really enter into it (as far as I was aware). > > Also, what parent doesn’t want their kid (boy or girl) to shut up and stop whining? > > Being ladylike also encompasses taking a lot of shit without complaining. Because a lady never, ever loses her temper in public and is unfailingly polite. So stoicism of a sort is valued among the ladies, but it’s just packaged in a different way. > > My mother liked to tell the story of how when she was in labor with me, her labor was 18 hours long and the nurses praised her for being so polite and easy-going, and she told them (apologetically!), “This is all a facade.” That’s a great example of someone who internalized the ladylike ideal – she wouldn’t let that facade slip even in the throes of agonizing pain. Yeah, the “builds character” thing was used on my mother when she was a child, and she turned 75 last month. So it’s been used on boys and girls for a while now. Boys get told “Big boys don’t cry” pretty much from toddlerhood, while girls might or might not be told that “Big girls don’t cry”, depending on the parents’ views on things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-become-women-by-growing-older-boys-become-men-by-accomplishing-something/648844.md?page=3)