# Girls should not hit boys unless they want to fight **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810 "2004-11-20T07:32:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/1 "2004-11-20T07:32:12Z")
If boys should never hit girls then shouldn’t also be that girls should never hit boys? Why don’t people get upset when a woman slaps a man? Like on a popular dating show the female slapped the guy because he was saying stupid things to her, if it had have been reversed you know the camera men would have been kicking the guy’s ass. If a woman hits a man shouldn’t she be prepared to fight, especially since she is putting herself in a man’s position? So why shouldn’t parents tell their girls to never hit a boy? Anyway I have never and will never hit a female but I can’t say that I would feel sorry for a girl that got hit by a boy if she hit first. That’s what happened to the kid next door today his girlfriend scratched him until he bled and he knocked her over but guess who the only one in jail is. It seems like in cases like that where a girl strikes first she is just putting her self on the same level as the guy and all the nice rules can go out the window. Let me just say again that I personally would only restrain a girl from hitting me but I wouldn’t hit back. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/2 "2004-11-20T07:47:23Z")
Well, my parents brought me up not to hit _anybody_. It does make me angry when women think it’s okay to slap guys, knowing they won’t hit back. I don’t choose to associate with that sort of person, however. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/3 "2004-11-20T08:02:53Z")
> [@START](#): > > If boys should never hit girls then shouldn’t also be that girls should never hit boys? A-yup. > [@START](#): > > If a woman hits a man shouldn’t she be prepared to fight, especially since she is putting herself in a man’s position? A-yup. If a woman ever slaps me, I plan to respond with a right hook. > [@START](#): > > So why shouldn’t parents tell their girls to never hit a boy? Who says they don’t? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/4 "2004-11-20T08:13:07Z")
Well, just make sure you respond in kind. Her slap (which may sting but perhaps doesn’t leave a bruise or cause any discomfort for longer than a few minutes) should not be returned with a blow that bruises her/causes swelling/makes her fall down. If you return with a slap that doesn’t cause any more discomfort or damage than she gave you then I it doesn’t seem unfair. The thing is, it doesn’t always work like that—people bruise differently, guys may have more strength and use more strength unconsciously, etc. That’s where the problem lies. (Note: I was taught to not hit men or women and since I am a wimp I never would anyway.) ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/5 "2004-11-20T09:19:27Z")
No girls should not hit boys, either. And yes, people should be upset when a woman uses physical violence against a man. It’s late - so…here’s a bunch of broad generalizations… 1. You should never strike out at someone stronger than you are because it’s stupid. They could hit you back and it would hurt a lot more, as they’re stronger. Either it’s instinct, or most of us figure this out very early, or something. But generally, we realize that it’s a bad idea to start a physical fight with someone stronger than we are. 2. You should never strike out at someone weaker than you are because it’s mean. That’s not instinct. It’s socialized into (most of) us at a young age. We’re taught not to kick a man when he’s down, we’re taught to not hurt littler kids, and boys (who are thought of as stronger - though that clearly isn’t always true) are taught not to hit girls (who are thought of as weaker - though that isn’t always true). The problem, of course, are the idiots who decide to ignore point 1 in the hopes that the person they’re hitting will not ignore point 2. However, their bad behavior doesn’t excuse the responding person’s bad behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/6 "2004-11-20T09:49:59Z")
Nope. Rules of the playground. Mind you, some women do try to take advantage of that - I had a girlfriend once who was a foot shorter than me, weighed 45 kilos to my 80, and was mad as a cut snake - she landed a couple of swings on me during an argument, figuring I wouldn’t dare to hit back. She was right about the not hitting back, but she found her arse thrown out {not physically} shortly thereafter. Rules of the playground work both ways. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/7 "2004-11-20T10:47:12Z")
I have struck a woman. I agonise over it still, but I don’t regret it. After close to twelve hours of her in tearful rage over something I don’t even remember anymore (“you don’t love me anymore” or somesuch), it became like Chinese water torture. I was no longer angry (were I angry I’d have restrained myself), I was sleep deprived and bewildered. I gave her an open handed slap across the cheek. Aware of my size, a remember quite consciously accelerating my forearm to a certain conservative speed, and then “coasting” as I made contact. It still messes with my mind, but it worked. I’ve done it once in my thirty-five years on this planet, and I don’t foresee doing so again if possible, so it’s not a pattern. But there are times, O yes. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/8 "2004-11-20T11:09:32Z")
A mate of mine was savagely beaten by his tiny girlfriend every time she was angry, for months. Because of his “don’t hit a woman” upbringing, he never retaliated. Eventually he could take no more, and hit back. He blacked her eye, and she used it to garner public sympathy, and atagonism towards him. He agonised about it afterwards for ages, but I think he was totally justified. They split up a year later, thank God. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/9 "2004-11-20T15:30:42Z")
I’ve seen a lot of bad behavior in bars on the part of women, usually drunk, who become unspeakably obnoxious because they know they’re not going to get called on their behavior in the same way a man would. They’re absolutely conscious of this and they’re exploiting it. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/10 "2004-11-20T16:55:17Z")
Back when I was a machinist, I had an assortment of steel toed shoes - ranging from boots, cowboy boots, loafers, and sneekers…I also hung out in bars with my band. There were drunks that would not take _no_ for an answer, and more than one discovered that I was willing to respond to being grabbed and kissed with a shot to the kneecap with a steeltoed shoe. More than one guy in rochester NY probably still limps because of me. I also have been in a few bar fights, because when a man is drunk and angry, teh adrenalin/testosterone poisoning seems to disconenct their brains and I will defend myself. \ ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/11 "2004-11-20T16:57:42Z")
A rule to live by: Never start something you can’t finish. A woman hitting a man is (in most cases) a cardinal violation of that rule. It’s not a situation I’m likely to find myself in, but I’d have no compunction about retaliating in kind + 10%, and then taking it as far as subsequent events dictate. The idea that anyone enjoys a safe haven from which to attack without fear of response is insane. Now between two 8-year olds? Let 'em bash each other a bit; they’ll both learn a thing or three about how un-fun violence is. I think a lot of the reason for more violent young adults is actually the ultra-antiseptic super-safe world they grow up in nowadays. When the only violence they’ve ever experienced is make-believe or on TV, they have no real standard of comparison. So when they finally get to try it on for real, it’s a lot different than they expected. Had they been wrasslin and kid-fighting off and on from age 4 to 10 they’d have a more realistic experience base and less tendency to over-react or bite off waaay more than they can chew. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/12 "2004-11-20T16:57:53Z")
Women who hit men are bullies. The fact that they’re abusing a social constraint rather than a physical superiority makes no difference in the psychology. They’re intentionally hurting and demeaning people they know can’t defend themselves. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/13 "2004-11-20T18:10:11Z")
I agree with the OP. The first punch is still the first punch, no matter who threw it. If you threw it, you’re putting yourself in the situation and you deserve whatever you get. No one -should- be hitting anyone, but everybody has a right to defend themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/14 "2004-11-20T18:33:49Z")
Before I grew out of it. (Physical violence is not typically the proper response.) I ran into a couple of girls in my teens and early twenties that thought they were in a defendable position due to their gender. One slapped me, I slapper her back. Just as hard, just as fast. She slapped me again, I slapped her right back. I could see some surprise and some tears welling up in her eyes at the time, but it never came to much, and she never did it again. I had a fiancee that, intentionally or not, would bait you to fury then run off or say something similar to ‘I’m getting mad! Don’t make me mad!’. Leaving you there to sit in impotent rage. I’m sure one of the events that led to the breakup occurred when she pulled that stunt, went to get up out of the easy chair she was sitting in, and I went to push her back into the seat and let me finish my side of the conversation. She hit her nose on my collarbone, leading to a nosebleed. This was in her mother’s house. So I’m certain that in one woman’s mind, I’m a physically abusive man, but nothing could be further from the truth. Had I stayed in that relationship, I can’t say that that wouldn’t have changed, I could feel my mental stability crumbling. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/15 "2004-11-20T20:28:44Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > Well, just make sure you respond in kind. Her slap (which may sting but perhaps doesn’t leave a bruise or cause any discomfort for longer than a few minutes) should not be returned with a blow that bruises her/causes swelling/makes her fall down. > > If you return with a slap that doesn’t cause any more discomfort or damage than she gave you then I it doesn’t seem unfair. The thing is, it doesn’t always work like that—people bruise differently, guys may have more strength and use more strength unconsciously, etc. That’s where the problem lies. > > (Note: I was taught to not hit men or women and since I am a wimp I never would anyway.) And when she returns with a baseball bat? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/16 "2004-11-20T20:51:37Z")
Forget hitting. Girls shouldn’t _play_ with boys unless they want to fight. My neighbor nearly killed his 10 year old son, Kyle, one day after he body slammed my daughter (who is 9 months older) during a game of the high-contact sport, WHIFFLE BALL. Kyle thought he had tagged her out at second; she claimed he never touched her so she went running on to third. Kyle, quivering with righteous indignation, ran after her and performed a beautiful off-the-ropes full body tackle from behind. Seconds later Kyle was astonished to be looking upside down at his very red-faced, thin-lipped father, who had witnessed the whole thing from the pitcher’s mound. He had grabbed his son’s legs and proceeded to hang him upside down while screaming at him that he should NEVER. HIT. A. GIRL!!! Kyle was made to apologize to my astonished daughter and was then sent weeping and sulking to his room. Ahhh, pubescent boys. They’re just ticking, testosterone-poisoned time bombs. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/17 "2004-11-20T20:56:46Z")
I’d say anyone hitting anyone is wrong, unless you’re actually defending yourself or others from an attacker. Is it wrong if a woman hits a man? Sure. But I don’t think that gives the man a free pass to hit her back. (At least, not unless it’s a real self-defense situation, where the man feels like he’s in actual danger and he can’t escape.) I know it’s cliche, but two wrongs don’t make a right. The best thing the man can do is just get up and leave, and not associate with that woman any more. Of course, in the short term it feels a lot better to hit back when someone has hit you, and it’s a natural instinctive response – but I don’t think it’s the _right_ response. As far as why people make a bigger deal of it when a man hits a woman, I think it’s partly because there’s more of a history of male violence against women. It’s like why people get less offended when a black person calls a white person a “honky” or “cracker” than when a white person calls a black person the N word. They’re both racial slurs, both should be totally unacceptable, but for historical reasons a lot of people (myself included) find the N word – especially when spoken by a white person – much more upsetting. Whether that’s fair or not is debateable, but that’s the way it is. Actually, the taboo against men hitting women may have more to do with the fact that in the past women were viewed as some sort of “delicate flower” – But even feminists like me who think that that whole “delicate flower” thing is sexist bull still get more upset when they see a man hitting a woman, so I think it also has something to do with associations with things like spousal abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/18 "2004-11-20T21:07:12Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > And when she returns with a baseball bat? Then you obviously have bigger problems. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/19 "2004-11-20T21:24:21Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > I’d say anyone hitting anyone is wrong, unless you’re actually defending yourself or others from an attacker. Is it wrong if a woman hits a man? Sure. But I don’t think that gives the man a free pass to hit her back. (At least, not unless it’s a real self-defense situation, where the man feels like he’s in actual danger and he can’t escape.) I know it’s cliche, but two wrongs don’t make a right. The best thing the man can do is just get up and leave, and not associate with that woman any more. That’s also, IMO, the best thing a woman can do if a man hits her. It’s the best thing to do, regardless of who’s doing the hitting to whom. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810/20 "2004-11-20T21:48:38Z")
**NinjaChick** , I saw you had posted to this thread and just laughed. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-should-not-hit-boys-unless-they-want-to-fight/275810.md?page=2)