# Girls who have sex with relative strangers **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 12, 2009, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894 "2009-01-12T09:44:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/61 "2009-01-12T14:35:19Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > It doesn’t have to be about sex being sacred. > > If you’ve got a satisfactory sex life with your partner, why would you go to the trouble of going out to find a stranger with whom to have sex when you can have it at home? And wouldn’t you rather be spending that time together with your partner, not trawling bars looking for a pick-up? They would engage in it for the same reason they engage in any other activity classed as “harmless fun”, spouses do not need to justify their “harmless fun” to their partners, do they? > [@](#): > > And (as others have said before me) there are a lot of couples who have relationships where they’ve agreed that it is ok to keep having sex with other people. Why are you assuming that all couples are monogamous? I don’t. In fact I’ve explicitly stated in this thread I am referring to the majority of people who look disfavourably on their partners having sex with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/62 "2009-01-12T14:37:03Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > Well, if you have NSA-sex while in a relationship you may catch an STD or end up with a pregnancy scare (since \*no \*contraceptives are 100% safe). That sure would have direct impact on the spouse, right? > > If I end up with either of that while single, it only affects me and the sexual partner at the time. At the time, but then the STD might get passed to the next person either of you have sex with, so you’re now affecting society as a whole. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/63 "2009-01-12T14:39:07Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > If the sex isn’t sacred, you should have no problem letting your partner continue to have sex with other people. What a peculiar, black and white world you must live in, **CalD**. Come join us in our technicolor society where people decide to do different things based upon their particular needs and desires. It’s nice here! Lots of people DO continue, by mutual agreement, to have NSA sex with other people while they’re in a relationship. Lots more, by mutual agreement, refrain. In a relationship, it’s the mutual agreement that’s key. If the mutual agreement is to NOT have sex with other people, then you refrain out of respect for your partner. ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/64 "2009-01-12T14:39:37Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > People may choose to enter into a monogamous relationship without considering it “sacred.” If those who engage in NSA sex while single continue to freely do so after they enter a relationship, and all parties are aware that it’s happening and are accepting of it, then I see no inconsistency in their position. Hence, I am not referring to those people. ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/65 "2009-01-12T14:42:18Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > What a peculiar, black and white world you must live in, **CalD**. Come join us in our technicolor society where people decide to do different things based upon their particular needs and desires. It’s nice here! > > Lots of people DO continue, by mutual agreement, to have NSA sex with other people while they’re in a relationship. > > Lots more, by mutual agreement, refrain. > > In a relationship, it’s the mutual agreement that’s key. If the mutual agreement is to NOT have sex with other people, then you refrain out of respect for your partner. Diana, all you’re doing is finding as many ways as possible to say “because that’s the way it is!”. I want to see some justification of the position to remove the inconsistency. If people believe that NSA sex with multiple partners while they are single is ok, why does that change when they enter a relationship? I am not saying partners can’t agree to it, I am asking how they justify it, and why has their attitude towards sex with strangers now changed from “harmless fun” to whatever they now perceive it to be? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/66 "2009-01-12T14:43:17Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > But I DO understand the sexual double standard and why its a cultural norm. Our society is set up to be most stable when fathers take ownership of their children - and casual sex without birth control doesn’t allow the assurance of being able to punish a man who doesn’t - therefore we end up with some strange convolutions to make sure that society remains stable - punishing the woman because we KNOW she is ‘guilty’ - and I think the child support trap for guys is another example - I don’t think its fair that a guy can end up paying 18 years of child support for a one night stand and a woman has options - but its one of the ways society tries to create stability. None of which explains the stubborn insistence that women are somehow just NATURALLY less inclined towards sex for its own sake than men are. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/67 "2009-01-12T14:44:41Z")
Oops, double post. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/68 "2009-01-12T14:46:19Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > I am not saying partners can’t agree to it, I am asking how they justify it, and why has their attitude towards sex with strangers now changed from “harmless fun” to whatever they now perceive it to be? Because the definition of “harmless” is “not hurting anyone”. If you have a partner whose feelings are going to be hurt, it ceases to be harmless fun. You’re asking people to rationalize human emotion. Good luck with that. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/69 "2009-01-12T14:46:37Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > They would engage in it for the same reason they engage in any other activity classed as “harmless fun”, spouses do not need to justify their “harmless fun” to their partners, do they? They do if it eats into time they would normally spend together and their shared financial resources, and going to clubs and bars to meet people for casual sex would definitely affect at least one of those two categories. > [@CalD](#): > > In fact I’ve explicitly stated in this thread I am referring to the majority of people who who look disfavourably on their partners having sex with someone else. Well, I think the couple you described are the sort of people who wouldn’t be in a monogamous relationship. Asking why two people probably don’t do something that they probably do do is what’s making me confused about your apparent failure to comprehend that not all relationships are monogamous. Heh. Do do. ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/70 "2009-01-12T14:51:07Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Because the definition of “harmless” is “not hurting anyone”. If you have a partner whose feelings are going to be hurt, it ceases to be harmless fun. > > You’re asking people to rationalize human emotion. Good luck with that. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/71 "2009-01-12T14:52:43Z")
You’re welcome. Relationships are pretty much all about emotion. Most people realize that. Don’t let it stop you from feeling clever, though. ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/72 "2009-01-12T14:52:43Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > They do if it eats into time they would normally spend together and their shared financial resources, and going to clubs and bars to meet people for casual sex would definitely affect at least one of those two categories. > Heh. Do do. You’re floating around the point. Let’s assume for the sake or argument that the spouse is chasing members of the opposite sex in otherwise free time, hence, not eating in to “relationship time”. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/73 "2009-01-12T14:55:17Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > Diana, all you’re doing is finding as many ways as possible to say “because that’s the way it is!”. > > I want to see some justification of the position to remove the inconsistency. If people believe that NSA sex with multiple partners while they are single is ok, why does that change when they enter a relationship? > > I am not saying partners can’t agree to it, I am asking how they justify it, and why has their attitude towards sex with strangers now changed from “harmless fun” to whatever they now perceive it to be? Leaving aside all the fuzzy love, commitment devotion stuff that you seem to be just ignoring. There is the harsh reality that serious relationships are a lot more that just the sex life. They are agreements/understandings between that they are together in basically everything. It’s them versus the world. NSA sex mixed up in this causes problems with jealousy etc. and also can put relationships at risk by the sheer fact that the people are getting to try the other fruit and really see is the grass greener. All that said there are lots of people who are in relationships and do carry out NSA with others, swingers etc. Also with the amount of divorce around it would seem that people really like getting their end away with other people. Horses for courses. You seem to be coming at this in a very White/Black way and ignoring the huge amount of grey everywhere. You have also moved away from your OP quite a bit without really addressing the multiple posts challenging the very concept of it. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/74 "2009-01-12T15:03:01Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > … > And yes, I am asking via the angle of a girl’s perspective. Being a guy, I have a fair idea what the male thought process is in such a sitation :rolleyes: can you elaborate on your rolleyes? what is your position on the thought process from a guy’s perspective? ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/75 "2009-01-12T15:03:35Z")
Why do people keep pointing out that in relationships there are “agreements” etc that are made between the parties, and they can either choose to stick by them or not. Wow, really? My question is simple -\> So many people were telling me that NSA sex is “harmless fun”. Well, so is going for a walk, listening to some music, reading a book, etc. But when in a relationship, NSA sex seems to no longer be treated as a walk, some music or a book. I want to know why? ---
**Author:** ![CalD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7feea3/32.png) [@CalD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalD)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/76 "2009-01-12T15:04:49Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > can you elaborate on your rolleyes? what is your position on the thought process from a guy’s perspective? From my observations, the guys that do this are only really thinking of one thing, not much else enters the equation. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/77 "2009-01-12T15:11:54Z")
And you assume that women are thinking of something different? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/78 "2009-01-12T15:13:38Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > My question is simple -\> So many people were telling me that NSA sex is “harmless fun”. Well, so is going for a walk, listening to some music, reading a book, etc. > > But when in a relationship, NSA sex seems to no longer be treated as a walk, some music or a book. > > I want to know why? Because for the most part people can’t deal with their other half having NSA sex with strangers and also for the most part (while the relationship is working any way) they have no interest in NSA. People change, situations change. I don’t do or like certain things that I loved when I was younger. I used to love taking and E and dancing all night. Now I wouldn’t take an E or go to a club one way or the other. Is there anything wrong with E or the club from my present POV? No, not really, I’m just not into it any more but fair play to the people who do it. I hope they had as good a time as me. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/79 "2009-01-12T15:19:23Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > From my observations, the guys that do this are only really thinking of one thing, not much else enters the equation. Ummm, so do the girls who do this as well. Oh and to actually answer you OP. > [@](#): > > In the young female demographic, are we approaching a situation in which the majority of young women are open to doing this kind of thing, without feeling bad about it? Yes we are and quite right too. There is obviously a way to go as some people seem to want to put the fairer sex on a pedistile that men have created for them and hold them up to be judged as something negative for doing it. Can you please expand on the OP. What are your feeling towards this girl. Why do you have a problem with it. Many have answered your queries, how about a bit of feedback from you? ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894/80 "2009-01-12T15:23:47Z")
> [@CalD](#): > > If people believe that NSA sex with multiple partners while they are single is ok, why does that change when they enter a relationship? > > I am not saying partners can’t agree to it, I am asking how they justify it, and why has their attitude towards sex with strangers now changed from “harmless fun” to whatever they now perceive it to be? You are muddying your own question. If I understand your multiple posts, the couple agreeing that NSA sex is okay - they are not at issue. Your question is solely about the others - the ones who have made an agreement that they will be monogamous, and have sex only with each other. In that case, if one has NSA sex, it’s a breach of their agreement. If they agreed to only go for walks with each other and with no one else, a NSA walk would also be a betrayal. Is your question WHY some couples choose to be monogamous? That’s a pretty big leap from the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girls-who-have-sex-with-relative-strangers/480894.md?page=5)