# Give me a good reason why I shouldn't eradicate the human race! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899 "2001-05-29T15:23:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/21 "2001-05-29T17:16:27Z")
ÐnßæŠÅgrba - you’ve forced me to break out a secret weapon of massive destructive power… [THE Ultimate Weapon](http://members.tripod.com/~Feynn/dani2.jpg) And there’s lots more where that came from you alien scum. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/22 "2001-05-29T17:16:27Z")
ÐnßæŠÅgrba - you’ve forced me to break out a secret weapon of massive destructive power… [THE Ultimate Weapon](http://members.tripod.com/~Feynn/dani2.jpg') And there’s lots more where that came from you alien scum. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/23 "2001-05-29T17:42:58Z")
_We’ve replaced Feynn’s everything with pure caffeine…_ That’s the first double-double post I’ve ever seen. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/24 "2001-05-29T17:52:36Z")
B.L.T’S!!! ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/25 "2001-05-29T17:56:11Z")
Cripes!!! I just spent virtually every goddamn waking hour of a three day weekend moving and redoing my #$%&\* front lawn and garden and now you want to blow us up??? Don’t make me go Bugs Bunny on your Marvin the Martian head! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/26 "2001-05-29T18:08:48Z")
Obviously you haven’t really thought this all the way through \*\* ÐnßæŠÅgrba. \*\* You don’t really think they’re gonna let you take that big-assed boat on the inter-galactic ferry now do ya? Yer gonna have to leave it here. And you’re gonna need someone to look after it. See, that’s where I come in. You should destroy **them,** but leave me here to watch over your boat and stuff for you. Oh, and I’ll need a second mate. And maybe the kids to wash the boat when I’m too tired from running around and…ummm… looking after stuff, ya know. And maybe a few well chosen friends in case I get lonely? So anyway, let me know when you get ready to do the annihilating, so I can stock up on beer and fried chicken, okay? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/27 "2001-05-29T19:28:49Z")
I will accept any sacrifice, even that of my entire planet and the whole human race, to prevent Bruckheimer from beaming any more movies into outer space. Use the Big Ass Laser ™ – it’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/28 "2001-05-29T20:40:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t eradicate the human race! evilbeth. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/29 "2001-05-29T21:12:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Demo \* > \*\* > So, I am giving you one last chance to redeem yourselves. Tell me why I shouldn’t destroy you. I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses, therefore use none. (Heh, I always wanted to say that. Old Willie was a gas.) > You have 72 hours. \*\* Listen Bub, If you try to destroy the human race with your flesh eating virus, that would mean that I would have to go to work. I would have to clean up the contamination released when we launch the nukes, the nukes we fire at you and your occupation forces as you try to land on the planet, which forces are following on from the BIG ASS LASER [sup]TM[/sup] attack because the flesh-eating virus wasn’t totally effective, because I can sorta avoid the flesh-eating virus if I’m wearing my MOPP gear, which I would have to put on in 80 degree heat, which I retrieved from the trunk of my car, after I put down my coffee and quit daydreaming, which, my friend, ain’t gonna happen because I’m just too damn lazy. Therefore, you can’t destroy us all because I don’t feel like it. Tripler Defender of the free world. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/30 "2001-05-29T21:37:58Z")
[One](http://y42.photos.yahoo.com/bc/th1nksn0w/vwp?.dir=/mini+Chi-Dope+(April+26-27+2001)&.src=ph&.dnm=MikeGs+kids.JPG&.view=t&.done=http%3a//y42.photos.yahoo.com/bc/th1nksn0w/lst%3f%26.dir=/mini%2bChi-Dope%2b(April%2b26-27%2b2001)%26.src=ph%26.view=t) ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/31 "2001-05-29T22:20:52Z")
After reviewing the following reasons **not** to destroy humanity, I decided to extend the decision time by 500 years: 1. Charlize Theron 2. Beer 3. Smoochies 4. Chocolate 5. Supermodels 6. _Damn this coffee tastes good!_ 7. Cartoons 8. My boat ( **Bumbazine** , I will carefully consider your offer.) and 9) It would be really mean of me to make **Tripler** have to put on that crappy MOPP gear. Unfortunately, **Feynn** and **Mike G** ’s bad links angered me. You have 48 hours. ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/32 "2001-05-29T22:42:53Z")
It’s okay, guys, I’ve seen this plot before. All we have to do is find someone who’ll voluntarily sacrifice themselves to save everyone else. That’s what the test is. **Ð** ’ll be so touched he’ll spare the planet. So, who wants to be a hero? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/33 "2001-05-29T22:47:34Z")
Just wait until after, oh, October, okay? I got plans till then that I do NOT want to miss and it’s before Fall Finals so that would be really good timing if you wait until after October. Unless someone has plans to make my Christmas very Merry, then you have to wait until after Christmas. Which is also good, since it would mean I wouldn’t have that 40th birthday in January. Wait! You can’t destroy us now. I’m still on a diet! I don’t won’t to be vaporized drinking diet Dr Pepper! You have to wait. I’ll get back to you on when is a good time. Though we should have known if the Cubs were having a really good season, it was bound to signal the end of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/34 "2001-05-29T23:15:32Z")
quite frankly, I could not give a damn if you destroyed the human race. in fact, I think that you should. please, have your way. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/35 "2001-05-30T00:00:04Z")
Because I know where you live, and will make **Sure** Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill Maher are all teleported to your planet prior to our destruction. Surely you won’t risk destroying your own planet? ---
**Author:** ![south333](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f9b8f/32.png) [@south333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/south333)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/36 "2001-05-30T00:32:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Saint Zero \* > \*\*Because I know where you live, and will make **Sure** Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill Maher are all teleported to your planet prior to our destruction. > > Surely you won’t risk destroying your own planet? > > \*\* Add that wierd guy with the ??'s on his shirt and clinton, gore and bush. Haha then they’l be sorry. If you really want to blow us up, wait until after summer I’m not even out of the school year yet 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/37 "2001-05-30T00:44:51Z")
If the human race is wiped out, many pets will subsequently die horrible slow lonely deaths. Killing people, now that’s understandable, but anyone who’s in favor of murdering puppies is, by default, a jerk. The bad news is, that reason won’t be good enough. Oh well. Time to max out the credit cards in the meantime. ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/38 "2001-05-30T01:07:49Z")
“Please, please I need to live” The please caught demo’s attention. “What’s so important that you need to live?” “True love” he whispered, going onto speak of a girl of unsurpassed beauty and spirit. Whose eyes dance when she smiles. Whose belief in me makes me not only stronger but a better person. Whose love completes me. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/39 "2001-05-30T01:49:15Z")
AAIGH! that sappy story has completley devalued my faith in humanity! ÐnßæŠÅgrba, give me that Big Ass Laser[sup]TM[/sup] and i will fire it for you! **swipe** “_beep! Charging!_” . … … … … … … … … … … … . what the hell? ‘low battery’? you didn’t even put fresh double-A’s in this thing! if you can’t keep a superweapon in working order, you can’t have it! ::locks Big Ass Laser[sup]TM[/sup] in the closet:: ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899/40 "2001-05-30T01:57:43Z")
Look, wait until August 20. I don’t wanna die a virgin. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-a-good-reason-why-i-shouldnt-eradicate-the-human-race/66899.md?page=3)