# Give me one reason why your ex is your ex. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 11, 2005, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092 "2005-09-11T11:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/61 "2005-09-11T19:48:19Z")
1. I was a jerk who, eventually, just wanted sex. 2. I think she determined I was boring. It was never really explained to me. 3. We had a non-monogamous relationship and she had another boyfriend, but she dumped me when I told her I was going to start dating a second partner. 4. I finally realized just how narcissistic she was and left. Hooray! ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/62 "2005-09-11T21:17:22Z")
It’s kinda a tangled web - but in a nutshell. My ex was self absorbed to the point of narcissistism and also very worried about keeping up appearances. He was exciting and charming while we were courting (many narcissists are) but as I got to know him better (after the marriage unfortunately) it became increasingly evident that he was kinda hollow inside. There just wasn’t much “there” there. I always felt he was gay but couldn’t admit it to himself let alone anyone else because everyone knows that sucessful regular men have wives. So he’d confess his homoerotic fantasies ( and tell me that just because he wanted to suck another man’s cock and take part in anal sex with a man and spends his free time on gay porn sites did not make him gay). Perhaps it was because of his confusion re: sexuality, perhaps not, but he was extremely unhappy and angry a good deal of the time. Then he figured out that alcohol made the pain go away for a while. When he became a sexually confused, angry, unhappy alcoholic I finally enough is enough and we separated. He met a woman via the internet within a week of moving out and thought he’d found the answer to his prayers - (SHE didn’t drive him to drink. SHE made him feel like a stud) and he filed for divorce. Needless to say - I didn’t contest. ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/63 "2005-09-11T23:05:17Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > She was a _heifer._ A heifer! Are you the guy I see driving around town with the license plate, “NOHFRS”? ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/64 "2005-09-11T23:25:39Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > She was a _heifer._ A heifer! That’ll teach you to sleep with livestock. 😛 Ex #1: Abusive Ex #2: Sociopath ---
**Author:** ![Pensandfeathers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Pensandfeathers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pensandfeathers)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/65 "2005-09-11T23:27:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > He was a mamma’s boy. > [@whiterabbit](#): > > Same here, Anaamika. Also factor in a lack of spine. > > I’m much better off without him. Ditto on both. I can’t deal with wussies anymore. I don’t want asshole macho jerks either - but I’d like somebody, for the lack of a better phrase, who will “take it like a man” to a certain degree. You know? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/66 "2005-09-11T23:38:24Z")
I’ve only had two relationships in my life that were significant enough that why we broke up was important. Ex-fiance: I realized that he had no idea who I really was, which was why everything I did surprised him. The person he’d built me up to be wouldn’t do anything I would do. Ex-boyfriend: He deserted the other person he was dating when that person suffered a heart attack–visited him at the hospital each day and assured him he would do everything he could to take care of him. When P came home, he discovered that R had completely moved out of their apartment without saying anything about it. This happened after R convinced P to move from Toronto to San Jose because he “couldn’t stand for them to be apart.” Why wouldn’t I break up with someone so disloyal? ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/67 "2005-09-12T00:14:28Z")
He refused to grow up and I got tired of dating a child. -foxy ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/68 "2005-09-12T00:33:49Z")
Lots of reasons, most of them symptoms of the real issue, drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/69 "2005-09-12T00:34:46Z")
[I really don’t know why she left me.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=233374) [I’ve been trying to figure it out for a while now.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=268353) [Everything was going so swimmingly.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=274509) [She was such a mature soul with such great judgment.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=301285) I’m at a loss, really. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/70 "2005-09-12T01:36:20Z")
She figured out she could do better. We’re both much happier, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/71 "2005-09-12T02:35:35Z")
hm… I’m not even sure who my most recent ex is. _laughs_ my most recent I don’t think was ever my boyfriend, but we’re no longer whatever-we-were because he and his then-girlfriend (and my something-or-other) broke up, and she and I stayed together. we’re still friends, I’m still with the girl, and he’s with the girl he should’ve been with the whole time. =) my most recent actual ex, well, it’s all mushed together. he was an asshole when he was angry or hurt, said things specifically to hurt me, and so I did the same. even when I stopped doing that, he still did it. so I distanced myself from him after about 2 & a half years of this, and that emotional distance was just enough to allow me to fall completely in love with my girlfriend. he and I are still very close (in fact he’s coming to watch a sweet ninja movie with me later tonight), but it took a realllllllllly long time for him to forgive me. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/72 "2005-09-12T02:39:42Z")
She ran off with another guy. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/73 "2005-09-12T03:13:57Z")
Hubby #1: He thought that if he could just hit me hard enough, I’d agree with him. Hubby #2: What **Magic Eyes** said. ---
**Author:** ![DoperChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@DoperChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoperChic)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/74 "2005-09-12T03:43:18Z")
**Boyfriend #1** All I asked for for Valentine’s Day was a small bouquet of flowers. When the bunch he got me got damaged, he had his _mother_ go out and buy me new ones. She came in with a huge bouquet of every flower I ever knew existed along with balloons that said “I love you”. It creeped me right the hell out and showed how little he cared by not going out himself. **Boyfriend #2** He told me that he liked to throw rocks at squirrels. Hey, it was high school and I didn’t have very high standards back then… DC ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/75 "2005-09-12T04:25:16Z")
She decided that being on the internet was more important than our son. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/76 "2005-09-12T04:26:15Z")
Surfing or webcam? ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/77 "2005-09-12T04:30:00Z")
The restraining order says I can’t get within 100 feet. Kidding. Seriously, it was many reasons, but in the end it was all for one reason: She had no sense of self-worth unless it was given to her, and required regular doses of vitamin EgoBoost or she’d get depressed, but when she got them she was a narcissist who was too good for me; had a co-dependent and completely unhealthy relationship with her on-again-off-again ex/father of her two children; was overly jealous about any female I came into contact with, but didn’t feel any jealousy of mine when she shared a bed with a male friend was warranted (they just slept, honest! :dubious:); she craved attention and was not willing to admit that the guys willing to give her the attention she soaked up like a sponge were interested in anything other than bedding her (or at least never admitted she believed it); she was a liar and a cheat; and ultimately, she was a self-absorbed, ignorant hypocrite with no desire to be anything else. It’d just be easier to say she has a low self-esteem, but that just doesn’t demonstrate how screwy she is. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/78 "2005-09-12T04:38:26Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Surfing or webcam? IRC mainly. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/79 "2005-09-12T05:00:15Z")
She wanted children; i didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092/80 "2005-09-12T05:33:44Z")
Of my two major exes, one reason for each: FIRST MAJOR EX: Druggie (and frequently [dead](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6553289#post6553289)). SECOND MAJOR EX: He was afraid we were heading for a commitment (from the Latin word “comitus”, meaning “strong desire to screw other people”). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-me-one-reason-why-your-ex-is-your-ex/321092.md?page=5)