# Give unreliable travel advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2021, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920 "2021-07-20T23:16:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/141 "2021-12-27T17:11:41Z")
_Death held out a hand. I WANT, he said, A BOOK ABOUT THE DANGEROUS CREATURES OF FOURECKS–_ _Albert looked up and dived for cover, receiving only mild bruising because he had the foresight to curl into a ball._ _After a while Death, his voice a little muffled, said: ALBERT, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND HERE._ _Albert scrambled up and puled at some of the huge volumes, finally dislodging enough of them to allow his master to clamber free._ _HMM… Death picked up a book at random and read the cover._ _DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE._ _He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?_ _They waited._ _IT WOULD APPEAR THAT–_ _“No, wait, master. Here it comes.”_ _Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up and caught the single sheet of paper._ _He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side._ _“May I?” said Albert. Death handed him the paper._ _“‘Some of the sheep.’“_ **The Last Continent** - Terry Pratchett ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/142 "2021-12-27T19:13:20Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > Next time you’re in all-embracing Glasgow… > > Funny thing - you’d think a 135-year-old rivalry between two top-tier footy teams (Rangers and Celtic) with absolutely no roiling political nor religious underpinnings whatsoever would _actually_ manifest itself in a truly admirable cosmopolitan sense of bonhomie, where the very concept of “competition”, itself, is so…watered down - nay, emasculated, to the point that it’s not uncommon to see Celtic supporters - who sometimes hold clandestine “Blue Romp” gatherings - having no problem, at all, if you entered one of their pubs wearing nothing but a Union Jack, and, conversely - there’s a flag with three colours on it, being green, white, and orange. If you were to drape just _that_ over yourself while going into a Rangers pub, there _could_ be a split second of _possibly_ bemused silence, but then instantly right back into pubbing. > Strangest kumbaya thing I’ve heard that the safest answer, to avoid getting being thought either a Fenian bastard or a fookin’ Hun when asked “Rangers or Celtic?”, is “Partick Thistle”; then your interlocutors will merely think you an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanubv.2/32/3260_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUBv.2)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/143 "2021-12-27T19:33:04Z")
If you ever come to the Tampa Bay area - and we sure hope you do - remember, speed limits are just guidelines. We don’t know what a green light means where you’re from, but here it’s open to interpretation. Go, or wait for the next; we don’t mind. And please, don’t burden yourself with using your turn signal. There’s always a good chance that you might decide to make a left turn from the right lane anyway, so no need to expend energy when you don’t always know until the last second which way you want to go. Also, the most scenic drives are to be found on our interstates (that’s “the freeway” or "highway) and major arteries so you’ll want to check those out between the hours of 6:30 and 8:00 AM or 4:00 and 5:30 PM. ---
**Author:** ![mmmiiikkkeee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@mmmiiikkkeee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmmiiikkkeee)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/144 "2021-12-27T21:04:12Z")
When you visit the Canadian prairies, make sure to remind the locals about how back where you’re from you have real lakes and real trees. They need to be reminded how pathetic their attempt at copying your climate and geology is. If you want to blend in at the Calgary Stampede, go buy a bunch of brand new cowboy clothes and walk around all day yelling “yee-haw”. That way nobody will bother you asking if you’re from out of town. Make sure to visit the reservations; they are set up for tourists and the natives love telling visitors where all the teepees are and why they aren’t wearing feathers and moccasins. Invite yourself to their next pow-wow and do your best “how-how-are-ya”, “how-how-are-ya”, “how-how-are-ya” impression. They really appreciate foreigners exploring their territory and have a great sense of humor about stereotypes. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/145 "2021-12-27T21:33:23Z")
And I believe “Ugh” is an acceptable greeting. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/146 "2021-12-27T21:57:08Z")
When in Alaska, be sure to ask everyone if they know Bill Smith, a friend of yours who _also_ lives in Alaska. Rest assured that everyone there knows everyone else and can relate endless stories about ol’ Bill. If you’re Black and are visiting Africa, be sure to announce that you “feel like I’m finally home!” to everyone. Everyone will immediately identify with you and invite you to become a member of their tribe. If you’re white and visiting Africa, everyone there will be in awe of your solutions for the problems in their country, so feel free to opine at length. ---
**Author:** ![mandala](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mandala/32/95_2.png) [@mandala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandala)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/147 "2021-12-28T04:05:36Z")
1. When in India, go to a crowded place and loudly praise Pakistan. 2. When in Pakistan, go to a crowded place and loudly praise India or cuss China. Good things will happen. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/148 "2021-12-28T04:12:24Z")
A fun thing to do on an African photo safari is to wander off alone with your lunch and sit next to a river or even out on the grassy plains with your meat sandwich. After all, the animals are completely tame there. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/149 "2021-12-29T02:18:11Z")
If you need to find an address in Lexington, Kentucky, first you take New Circle Road to the end. Years ago a radio DJ gave a caller this advice. It’s become something of a catchphrase in our family. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/150 "2021-12-29T02:35:18Z")
Every place in the Greater St. Louis Metropolitan Area is “about 20 minutes away” from every other place. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/151 "2021-12-29T03:26:18Z")
I feel like this must be in the thread and I missed it, but here goes: when you reach Albuquerque, turn right. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/152 "2021-12-29T03:53:07Z")
It’s actually reliable travel advice, but here goes anyway. Albuquerque is the city where [Northeast Circle SW meets Southeast Circle NW, which then runs into Northwest Circle NW.](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Northeast+Cir+SW,+Albuquerque,+NM+87104/@35.1016041,-106.6717633,19.5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x8722732bc224bda7:0xdaf153e38bc12512!8m2!3d35.1016855!4d-106.6718325?hl=en) ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/153 "2021-12-29T05:22:04Z")
I worked many years for the Department of Transportation, State of Confusion. A co-worker had transferred to an inside job after being injured working in Maintenance. I was elected to teach her all the little intricacies about Right of Way Engineering. And I got to hear all her war stories of working Maintenance. San Bernardino County is the largest county in the US, and there are State roads, highways and freeways all over the place. She said it never failed, they could be in rural nowhere, by a busy freeway, or anyplace in between, and people would stop when they saw the orange vests, hardhats and orange trucks and say, “How do you get to Disneyland?” (Nevermind holding up traffic or blocking the people from doing their work) The people were always from out of state. If they tried to follow the directions given by those dedicated State Employees, they are probably still driving around, looking for the Matterhorn. Look it up on Google Maps, or go buy a Rand-McNalley atlas. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Kzbre5m](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kzbre5m](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kzbre5m)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920/154 "2021-12-29T12:54:34Z")
Maybe good advice, dept: Long time ago a radio commercial for a bar near the beach, the directions included “And if you hear this sound – _(SPLASH!)_ – you’ve gone too far!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/give-unreliable-travel-advice/946920.md?page=7)