# Giving breasts a squeeze could hinder cancer growth **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 18, 2012, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469 "2012-12-18T23:51:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/1 "2012-12-18T23:51:10Z")
According to researchers from the University of California at Berkeley and the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, placing mechanical force on malignant mammary cells can actually reverse their irregular growth process and put them back on track for a normal growth pattern. > **[Giving breasts a squeeze could hinder cancer growth](https://www.foxnews.com/health/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth)** > > Women suffering from breast cancer may benefit from giving their breasts an extra squeeze – literally.  Researchers have found that placing force on cancerous breast cells can actually reverse their irregular growth process In the interest of national health, community giving, and saving lives, I will be opening a free breast squeezing clinic ASAP. In order to accommodate as many women as possible, this will be a mobile clinic stopping by shopping malls, grocery stores, and local Curves locations. I am soliciting ideas for a catchy name for this Mobile Anti-Cancer clinic. These are already under consideration: Mobile Melon Masher Cancer Crusher Medical Motorboating Free Fondles Loving, Touching, Squeezing; A Journey to Cancer-Free Living See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me Surely the Dopers can improve on these, as well as offer business tips, marketing advice, and more. Together, we can all put the squeeze on cancer! ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/2 "2012-12-19T00:34:29Z")
Where do I send my Resume? I’m willing to work cheap. I’ll even intern. The Second-Base Mobile. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/3 "2012-12-19T04:54:13Z")
Ladies the line starts to the right. I’ll make the sacrifice if my hands can help you. 😃 NSFW article _Squeezing Breasts Can Stop Cancer_. [http://now.msn.com/squeezing-breasts-can-stop-cancer](http://now.msn.com/squeezing-breasts-can-stop-cancer) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/4 "2012-12-19T05:02:54Z")
:dubious: I think we need to do some research into testicular cancer now… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/5 "2012-12-19T08:09:36Z")
I hope the OP realises that most of his customers are likely to be womens in their 60’s not the nubile twentysomethings of his hopes? You will be bascially fondling Granny’s breasts.:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/6 "2012-12-19T08:23:42Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I hope the OP realises that most of his customers are likely to be womens in their 60’s not the nubile twentysomethings of his hopes? You underestimate the value of early preventive care! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/7 "2012-12-19T13:47:13Z")
How about Feels on Wheels? You could get law enforcement in on it. Call it Cop-a-Feel for Cancer. Hell, even if there’s not enough of me to go around, I can supervise the ladies ironing out their own lumps or even helping each other. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/8 "2012-12-19T13:59:09Z")
“Help Squeeze Out Cancer!” “Give a Pinch – Save 38 Inches” (or however many “Hug your Boobs” – and – “Get Your Tits in a Wringer!” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/9 "2012-12-19T14:50:05Z")
“The Tatmobile” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/10 "2012-12-19T14:55:26Z")
I don’t know what to name it, but if hired I’ll give it my breast shot. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/11 "2012-12-19T18:13:49Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I hope the OP realises that most of his customers are likely to be womens in their 60’s not the nubile twentysomethings of his hopes? > You will be bascially fondling Granny’s breasts.:dubious: Feels on Wheels is in a solid first place right now. For reasons of safety, the FOW MSU - Mobile Squeezing Unit - is not ADA\* compliant. The FOW unit is only accessible by walking a 10 foot long balance beam, then climbing a 6 foot ladder into the facility. This should limit the patients to a certain fitness and ability level. This is commensurate with our motto. Save the TaTas. The nice ones.[sup]TM[/sup] \*Americans with Droopy boobs Association ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/12 "2012-12-19T18:17:05Z")
If this is true then why don’t mammograms stop cancer? Those machines put your tits in a vice :eek: ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/13 "2012-12-19T19:16:38Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > Feels on Wheels is in a solid first place right now… How do you know? I don’t see a pole … um, _poll_. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/14 "2012-12-19T19:59:51Z")
It’s my clinic. I decide. You want to help beat cancer, or just cause trouble? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/15 "2012-12-19T20:02:41Z")
Preventing cancer is two of my favorite things. While we’re assembling this team of selfless healers we shouldn’t overlook [this recent study](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/08/22/semen-is-good-for-your-health-and-helps-fight-depression_n_1820892.html) that concluded that exposure to semen helps fight depression in women. Make sure the FOW mobiles are equipped with vinyl seat covers just in case any patients exhibit signs of depression during their treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/16 "2012-12-19T20:03:53Z")
Titillating thread ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/17 "2012-12-19T20:08:47Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > Preventing cancer is two of my favorite things. > > While we’re assembling this team of selfless healers we shouldn’t overlook [this recent study](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/08/22/semen-is-good-for-your-health-and-helps-fight-depression_n_1820892.html) that concluded that exposure to semen helps fight depression in women. > > Make sure the FOW mobiles are equipped with vinyl seat covers just in case any patients exhibit signs of depression during their treatment. And “my breast shot” goes from a pun to a double entendre - a double puntandre, if you will. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/18 "2012-12-19T20:25:27Z")
My husband will be happy to know he is helping me prevent breast cancer 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/19 "2012-12-19T20:37:42Z")
**Giving breasts a squeeze could hinder cancer growth** and also has been shown as effective in promoting the growth of other tumescence. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469/20 "2012-12-19T21:40:53Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > **Giving breasts a squeeze could hinder cancer growth** > > and also has been shown as effective in promoting the growth of other tumescence. Dr Doom indeed. Spoilsport. ☹ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-breasts-a-squeeze-could-hinder-cancer-growth/644469.md?page=2)