# Giving to homeless people when your friends/family disapprove **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2016, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123 "2016-08-17T20:58:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/1 "2016-08-17T20:58:58Z")
From time to time I will give money to homeless folks and/or buy or give them food, clothing, etc., but many of my friends strongly frown upon this practice, and much of my family objects to it, too, as well. This puts me in a situation whereby I can only assist homeless people if my family or friends aren’t around to see it. Any other Dopers in such a situation? I’ve even gone so far as to tell a homeless person that I would have to pretend not to know them and not help them if I were with my mother at the time, (who strongly objects to my giving to the homeless,) but that I could provide when my mother wasn’t around. For Dopers who also assist homeless folk - do you try to keep it secret and surreptitious for the same reasons? Any tips in this situation? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/2 "2016-08-17T21:39:29Z")
Do what you want to do. That’s what I do. But not many of my friends are actively opposed. They may think it’s foolish and tell me as much. But nothing more. (Persons actually on my case about it? I would stridently minimize interaction with this person. But that’s just me!) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/3 "2016-08-17T21:39:36Z")
I’ve been broke & homeless. Anybody who disapproves of me helping somebody out now that I have a job & some security can go fuck themselves. That might not be much help in your specific situation, but I just can’t fathom keeping somebody in my life who is so hateful that they would disapprove of me giving actual food or clothing to somebody who needed it. ---
**Author:** ![Wolf333](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf333/32/3460_2.png) [@Wolf333](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolf333)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/4 "2016-08-17T22:04:28Z")
1. Are an adult? 2. Is it your money? IF the answer to both questions is yes, then do whatever the hell you want. If your friends and family don’t like it, find different friends. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/5 "2016-08-17T22:18:36Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Do what you want to do. This. Bam! Done. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/6 "2016-08-17T23:13:46Z")
> [@Wolf333](#): > > 1. Are an adult? > 2. Is it your money? > > IF the answer to both questions is yes, then do whatever the hell you want. If your friends and family don’t like it, find different friends. As long as your own bills are paid and your children (if you have them) have their own necessities, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![bb49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@bb49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bb49)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/7 "2016-08-17T23:41:51Z")
If these are homeless people on the street, panhandlers, just be careful as you could very likely be contributing to a drug issue and/or laziness, in other words, people that really don’t want to work and want to live off the generosity of others. I do give pocket change to a couple of guys that hang out around a small shopping centre near me. I know they have health and/or mental issues, and I have never seen any indication of drug or alcohol abuse with them. Often you will see them pushing shopping buggies back to the store, with the shopper giving them the coins. But some guy sitting in a median at a traffic light with a sign, not a chance. More often then not, their sign says they are out of work, well, I know there are plenty of jobs available where I live, and chances are these guys are just passing through on their way to the big city where they will get free accommodation by the left-leaning city fathers… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/8 "2016-08-18T00:03:15Z")
> [@bb49](#): > > If these are homeless people on the street, panhandlers, just be careful as you could very likely be contributing to a drug issue and/or laziness, in other words, people that really don’t want to work and want to live off the generosity of others. > > I do give pocket change to a couple of guys that hang out around a small shopping centre near me. I know they have health and/or mental issues, and I have never seen any indication of drug or alcohol abuse with them. > Often you will see them pushing shopping buggies back to the store, with the shopper giving them the coins. > > But some guy sitting in a median at a traffic light with a sign, not a chance. More often then not, their sign says they are out of work, well, I know there are plenty of jobs available where I live, and chances are these guys are just passing through on their way to the big city where they will get free accommodation by the left-leaning city fathers… Tell me – would you be willing to hire someone who’s homeless? Honestly, I can’t imagine someone who’d choose to be homeless with the exception of those with mental issues. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/9 "2016-08-18T00:17:07Z")
> [@bb49](#): > > If these are homeless people on the street, panhandlers, just be careful as you could very likely be contributing to a drug issue and/or laziness, in other words, people that really don’t want to work and want to live off the generosity of others. It’s not my place to judge their worthiness. If I have money to spare, I’ll share it. If anyone asks, I’ll remind them of the golden rule. I have many regrets but being kind to homeless people is not one of them. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/10 "2016-08-18T00:32:06Z")
Exactly! Compassion is triggered by suffering. Worthiness is about judgement, not compassion, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/11 "2016-08-18T01:23:08Z")
I used to do a lot of homeless outreach. We got to know the people on the street. We understood what they were about, what they wanted, how they wanted to do things, and what was stopping them. If they had a short term goal or need, we would try to help them accomplish things. I’m friends with people who have run government agencies and charities in this space, and with several people who used to be homeless. I feel that understand about as much as I can without actually having been homeless myself. If one of my friends or family didn’t approve of my work, I’d first try to explain why it matters, and if that didn’t help, I’d stop talking to them about it. If they were with me when I actually gave someone something, I wouldn’t let it stop me. Granted, there is nobody in my life that I’m actually close to that also disapproves. But if there was someone who honestly and openly believed that my actions were bad, it would cause me to question their values, not mine. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/12 "2016-08-18T01:29:48Z")
People can make a surprising amount of money thru panhandling. Many (but not all) of those who hold up signs by the interstate exits are not homeless, just unemployed. Panhandling is a racket for these people. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/13 "2016-08-18T01:30:44Z")
On the opposite end here-- there’s a couple of friends giving to local ‘homeless’. (The folks they give to are neither homeless nor destitute. The kind of people who get dropped off/picked up by same cars on a schedule, have smart phones, and do the usual “cardboard sign off of the interstate” route. These are people I’ve been seeing on those corners for literally the past two years. Scammers, pure and simple.) My friends do not live in the inner city, and do not get to walk past the ‘homeless’ on a daily basis. I wish I could disillusion them. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/14 "2016-08-18T01:35:09Z")
I’ve been active in homeless outreach programs. I usually carry wrapped food items in my car and offer that out instead of cash. I prefer offering help that way, in a panhandling situation. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/15 "2016-08-18T02:35:26Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > On the opposite end here-- there’s a couple of friends giving to local ‘homeless’. (The folks they give to are neither homeless nor destitute. The kind of people who get dropped off/picked up by same cars on a schedule, have smart phones, and do the usual “cardboard sign off of the interstate” route. These are people I’ve been seeing on those corners for literally the past two years. Scammers, pure and simple.) My friends do not live in the inner city, and do not get to walk past the ‘homeless’ on a daily basis. I wish I could disillusion them. There are certainly people like this. It may be important to differentiate between helping the homeless, and helping the people claiming to be homeless. There are real homeless people out there, and helping them can matter. Educating someone who thinks they are doing good, but are actually falling for a scam, can be a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/16 "2016-08-18T03:46:38Z")
> [@bb49](#): > > But some guy sitting in a median at a traffic light with a sign, not a chance. More often then not, their sign says they are out of work, well, I know there are plenty of jobs available where I live, and chances are these guys are just passing through on their way to the big city where they will get free accommodation by the left-leaning city fathers… And what might those cities be? Where I live, the people who do that are usually the type who have been banned from every shelter in the area because they refuse to follow rules. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/17 "2016-08-18T08:08:28Z")
Huh? You go shopping with friends and/or family? Really?? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/18 "2016-08-18T08:19:18Z")
OP: Grow a spine (or get new friends/family). ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/19 "2016-08-18T11:32:24Z")
[QUOTE] Many (but not all) of those who hold up signs by the interstate exits are not homeless, just unemployed. Panhandling is a racket for these people. ] And you know this to be true how? (Got a cite?) Or is it possible it’s just a projection of what you (want/need to) believe? And being unemployed isn’t enough to warrant compassion, it’s only for homeless people? That’s a funny stance to take! Projecting your need for ‘worthiness’ onto other people’s compassion isn’t required. No one is condemning you for your view, or actions, or non actions, after all. Maybe you should consider reciprocating and letting others give freely WITHOUT passing judgement on them too. Something to think about anyway. ‘Do what YOU want to do!’ (And maybe a little less judgement on those who see it differently! From both sides!) ---
**Author:** ![batsto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b2d939/32.png) [@batsto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/batsto)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2016, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123/20 "2016-08-18T11:46:46Z")
[quote=“elbows, post:19, topic:763123”] > [@](#): > > Many (but not all) of those who hold up signs by the interstate exits are not homeless, just unemployed. Panhandling is a racket for these people. I’m confused why this matters. Just because someone still has a roof over his head, and is trying to avoid becoming homeless, doesn’t mean that his panhandling is a ‘racket’. Do we have to wait until his loss of job turns into a loss of home before it’s OK to help? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-to-homeless-people-when-your-friends-family-disapprove/763123.md?page=2)