# Giving your parents and/or SOs addresses of your friends? Ok? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595 "2011-01-31T02:43:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/21 "2011-02-01T16:14:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So if a friend needs a place to live it’s kosher for me to ask that they provide the addresses of all their friends? Fuck that. Yeah, I know, it’s real cool to say “their house, their rules”, but simply owning a house doesn’t mean it’s cool to act like a douche. “Hey Danny, it’s cool if you need to live with me, but every morning I’m going to come into your room and teabag you.” My house, my rules bitches! I didn’t say I agreed with the OP’s parent’s rules, but it is their house. She doesn’t have to live there. And if you want to be douche to your buddy Danny, that’s your decision. Danny can always take his bedroll and camp someplace else. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/22 "2011-02-01T16:40:14Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I didn’t say I agreed with the OP’s parent’s rules, but it is their house. She doesn’t have to live there. I can’t remember the exact drama, but IIRC they threatened to disown her when she discussed moving out. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/23 "2011-02-01T16:46:53Z")
I am a parent of a late 20s adult who lived with us for a while. I never asked for information about who his friends were and where he went but I sure wanted to. I mean, he clearly wasn’t taking care of the business he needed to - getting a job and supporting himself - and I would have liked to know who’s house he was spending so much time at. Were there actual adults there? Were they just sitting around and smoking dope or was it a bible study group? Yes, it probably isn’t my business who his friends are but it is very much my business whether he is wasting his time or working toward getting on with his life. Who his friends are and what they do helps tell that tale. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/24 "2011-02-01T17:18:28Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I can’t remember the exact drama, but IIRC they threatened to disown her when she discussed moving out. Hey, life’s all about choices. Calling your parent’s bluff (if that’s the case) and moving on with your life, or living at home and submitting to their weird rules. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/25 "2011-02-01T17:22:26Z")
There’s a middle path: I’m not sure it’s the best choice, but I can see trying to superfically placate the people who gave you life and for whom you still bear some affection while still trying to find a way to make your own life livable. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/26 "2011-02-01T18:22:07Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > There’s a middle path: I’m not sure it’s the best choice, but I can see trying to superfically placate the people who gave you life and for whom you still bear some affection while still trying to find a way to make your own life livable. Maybe, but I would suppose the reason the OP’s parents still treat her like a little kid, is because she does still live at home. When someone behaves like an adult (self sufficient, taking responsibility for themselves, etc.) they tend to get treated like an adult, even by their own parents. The middle path seems doomed to failure and disappointment, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/27 "2011-02-01T18:36:17Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Maybe, but I would suppose the reason the OP’s parents still treat her like a little kid, is because she does still live at home. When someone behaves like an adult (self sufficient, taking responsibility for themselves, etc.) they tend to get treated like an adult, even by their own parents. The middle path seems doomed to failure and disappointment, IMHO. If they threatened to cut off the relationship entirely when she discussed moving out, I don’t think this is a matter of her acting like a child and their responding to her cues. This is them being crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/28 "2011-02-01T18:42:35Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > If they threatened to cut off the relationship entirely when she discussed moving out, I don’t think this is a matter of her acting like a child and their responding to her cues. This is them being crazy. And you recommend living with the crazy? ---
**Author:** ![Stop\_no\_Exit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Stop\_no\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stop_no_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/29 "2011-02-01T18:57:56Z")
You might want to look at it from the friend’s point of view. Are your parents likely to badger your friends? If either parent is in ill health, or if they understand the expression “emergency situation,” then as a friend, yes, give them my #. If your Dad/Mom has had an emergency, why are they knocking on my door? Shouldn’t they be waiting for an ambulance, or driving to the hospital? If the parents are likely to call your friend every 5 minutes because \*you \*don’t answer \*your \*phone, please don’t give them my #, much less my address! ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/30 "2011-02-01T19:18:50Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > And you recommend living with the crazy? I understand that it isn’t a simple decision, and can understand trying really really hard to find a way to make it work. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/31 "2011-02-01T21:06:57Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I didn’t say I agreed with the OP’s parent’s rules, but it is their house. She doesn’t have to live there. > > And if you want to be douche to your buddy Danny, that’s your decision. Danny can always take his bedroll and camp someplace else. She doesn’t have to leave when they disagree either. I wouldn’t give it to them but I’d wait until they kick me out to leave. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/32 "2011-02-02T00:06:11Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So if a friend needs a place to live it’s kosher for me to ask that they provide the addresses of all their friends? Fuck that. Yeah, I know, it’s real cool to say “their house, their rules”, but simply owning a house doesn’t mean it’s cool to act like a douche. “Hey Danny, it’s cool if you need to live with me, but every morning I’m going to come into your room and teabag you.” My house, my rules bitches! What’s the monthly rent and utilities? ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/33 "2011-02-02T00:42:31Z")
Can’t see it matters that much. Unlike cell phone numbers, addresses are a matter of public record, and if they really wanted to they could find out those addresses a dozen ways without asking you. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/34 "2011-02-02T07:29:28Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Maybe, but I would suppose the reason the OP’s parents still treat her like a little kid, is because she does still live at home. When someone behaves like an adult (self sufficient, taking responsibility for themselves, etc.) they tend to get treated like an adult, even by their own parents. “Tend to” yes, but not always and I don’t think you can assume Diamonds’s parents are any more “cookie cutter American” than she is. I know quite a few parents who still treat their children as kids when those children have moved out, married, had children, and their own grandchildren are now in high school: some of those happen to live in the US (they’re much more common in other areas, but they do exist there). ---
**Author:** ![Ladymarmalade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@Ladymarmalade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ladymarmalade)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/35 "2011-02-02T09:56:27Z")
Diamond I think you might benefit from counseling, to learn how to break away from your parents more. If your parents are from a different culture, find a counselor who is too, so they will get the difference there. It sounds like solving the specific problem posted is not going to help you that much. But as to if it’s reasonable? No, it’s not, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/36 "2011-02-02T10:49:43Z")
In other word, it seems like you’re trying to treat a specific symptom, and not the entire disease. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/37 "2011-02-02T14:52:11Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > “Tend to” yes, but not always and I don’t think you can assume Diamonds’s parents are any more “cookie cutter American” than she is. I know quite a few parents who still treat their children as kids when those children have moved out, married, had children, and their own grandchildren are now in high school: some of those happen to live in the US (they’re much more common in other areas, but they do exist there). Even more the reason to move out and become more independent. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/38 "2011-02-02T19:16:26Z")
Yes, I still live there. I spend no days, and only some nights (just to sleep). I can’t move out fully because I cannot afford to, I cannot find a higher paying job. That’s what they’re shitting brinks about. I’m almost never home. Because of that they think I’m hiding something (which I am, but it’s not their business). They’re scared that I might get robbed, kidnapped, or murdered. If I come up missing, they want to contact my friends. I’m cool with giving out cell numbers, but not addresses. That’s out of respect for my friends too. I would not like it if they were to give their parents my address. Moving out will only solve some of my stress. They already told me they wanted keys to my apartment whenever I do move out. The other night, my dad said he regretted buying me a car when I was younger, and didn’t forsee never being at home. My folks have some sort of weird co-dependency issue, this will never end. My dad would never be open to seeing a counselor. This may be a cultural issue, I notice that a lot of poor to working class parents are a lot stricter on their children and have dependency issues. They aren’t poor now, but they used to be. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/39 "2011-02-02T19:28:45Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I can’t move out fully because I cannot afford to, I cannot find a higher paying job.. Uh, that’s what roomates are for. If you wanted to make it happen, you could make it happen. > [@Diamonds02](#): > > My folks have some sort of weird co-dependency issue, this will never end. Are you sure they are the only ones? ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595/40 "2011-02-02T19:31:37Z")
The most I can pay for rent is about $200. I have not found such an opportunity yet. I _simply cannot afford_ anything esle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-parents-and-or-sos-addresses-of-your-friends-ok/569595.md?page=3)