# Giving your phone number to ladies (a poll) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 13, 2008, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604 "2008-11-13T21:48:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/21 "2008-11-14T15:56:02Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I probably wouldn’t call him back, but if I gave him my # and he called, I probably wouldn’t pick up either. And you get dates how? ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/22 "2008-11-14T16:01:07Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > You don’t need my card **prr** - you already have access to my email and mobile number. Sheesh, do you want a bunch of flowers or something? > > 😛 Hey, I went out with you TWICE and I didn’t get flowers! What, does a person have to have a penis to get flowers from you? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/23 "2008-11-14T16:04:48Z")
Given that I tend to only give flowers to people who I’m hoping will put their penis in me… well, you do the math. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/24 "2008-11-14T16:36:44Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > And you get dates how? Telepathy. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/25 "2008-11-14T16:40:34Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > \*May not apply to all men. Void where prohibited. Calling guy is not a guarantee of sex. If only! 😉 I usually give my phone number. I’m too shy to start conversation, although I can keep it going if someone gives me some rope. Thus, if the guy calls and starts talking, it is easier for me. That way, I can also (if that so happens) reject them/let them know I’m no longer interested without having to deal in person with their reaction. And if they call, at least I know they’re interested, and if I’m interested too… well, things will happen. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/26 "2008-11-14T16:44:14Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > And you get dates how? I guess I’m like Grouch Marx–I won’t join any club that will have me. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/27 "2008-11-14T17:03:56Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > I’ve done that with 100% success. Of course, I only did it one time. > > I was at a bar with some friends from work when an attractive woman came in with a date and sat at the bar. The bar was pretty crowded, so when we ordered a round she took the drinks from the bartender and passed them to us. I flirted with her a bit each round. > > As we were leaving, I extended my hand to shake hers to thank her for her help. I had cupped my business card in my hand so her date wouldn’t know what was up. She played it cool. > > She called a couple of days later. The fact that I pulled this off made me legendary at work. Some people thought it was mean to horn in on some guy’s date, but I figured that if he had any chance with her she wouldn’t have been flirting with me. Gus, I’m not going to pit you for this cuz’ Lord knows if done much worse myself. However, I do hope you realize it’s extremely disrespectful to the guy no matter what his chances were. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/28 "2008-11-14T17:13:44Z")
Why put the ball in her court? Look, if you hit it off with a girl and she’s too afraid to give you her number/email for a date, she either doesn’t like you, has a boyfriend or has some serious trust or confidence issues you probably don’t want to deal with anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/29 "2008-11-14T17:21:20Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > she either doesn’t like you, has a boyfriend or has some serious trust or confidence issues you probably don’t want to deal with anyway. Being shy is a confidence issue you don’t want to deal with? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/30 "2008-11-14T17:32:30Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Being shy is a confidence issue you don’t want to deal with? pretty much. yes. I like girls who are somewhat fun and gregarious. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/31 "2008-11-14T17:41:18Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Being shy is a confidence issue you don’t want to deal with? Wait, I’m lost here. I give my number to those requesting _because_ I’m shy and afraid to call first. I trust those that are interested will call me back, and I may be able then to get over my shyness and be more gregarious. Taking a guy’s number will be to more like “Eh… thanks?”, and I would be apprehensive/shy to know what to do next. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/32 "2008-11-14T17:53:48Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > But then, I wouldn’t call someone who I didn’t know who gave me their number, either. > > Basically the whole idea of exchanging numbers and/or going on a date with someone when I’ve never spent any time with them before creeps me the hell out. I’m very glad to see that I’m not alone on this! A few weekends ago, a guy at a sandwich shop that used to be one of my favorite places to eat wrote his number on the back of a receipt and placed it on the tray with my sandwich. We’ve had virtually no conversation – except maybe the day I was meeting my mother for lunch, and he pointed to her and asked “Is that your mom or your sister?” (I’m 26, my mother is 54 – I’m not sure how I was supposed to take that question.) Maybe he’s interested in my mom, and the number was meant for her? Anyway, I didn’t call or keep the number, and the incident creeped me out so bad that I’ve stopped going to that sandwich shop. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/33 "2008-11-14T18:13:42Z")
> [@KarlGrenze](#): > > If only! 😉 > > I usually give my phone number. I’m too shy to start conversation, although I can keep it going if someone gives me some rope. Thus, if the guy calls and starts talking, it is easier for me. That way, I can also (if that so happens) reject them/let them know I’m no longer interested without having to deal in person with their reaction. And if they call, at least I know they’re interested, and if I’m interested too… well, things will happen. 😃 All this time I thought you were a dude. > [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Being shy is a confidence issue you don’t want to deal with? Although **ms** gives really bad dating advice, I’ll come to his defense here and point out that he suggested that that was _one_ possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/34 "2008-11-14T18:17:32Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > I would never, _ever_ give my phone number to someone I had just met, unless we had absolutely completely hit it off with like huge magic sparks or something. > > But then, I wouldn’t call someone who I didn’t know who gave me their number, either. > > Basically the whole idea of exchanging numbers and/or going on a date with someone when I’ve never spent any time with them before creeps me the hell out. > > Note: This does not preclude drunken flirting/hooking up at a party thrown by a mutual friend. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to talk to them afterwards! I’m the same way. I’ve requested a guy’s number in the past, but only before we had a nice long conversation. Asking me for my number when we’ve barely spoken (or have and it’s become clear we’re not a match) makes me think you’re not very choosy. I don’t mind being given a card if there’s some chance we’ll need to connect in the future, for business or to set you up with a friend or something. Anyway, I prefer email. Or hell, even Facebook. Do kids even exchange numbers anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/35 "2008-11-14T19:23:18Z")
I have never, ever gotten a call back from a woman who I’ve given a number to, and at this point if I was asked to provide a number I would at least insist upon an exchange. I find myself in agreement with **mssmith537** ; if I have to nut up and risk the rejection of asking a woman out (and presumably pay the expenses on the first date, or at least offer to do so) the least she can do is offer up some minimum of trust. I don’t really care to date a girl who is terminally shy, cripplingly insecure, or expects me to cater to her every whim. I want to date women who can keep up with me or better yet challenge me. I also like to have a number so when I get stood up (all too frequently) I can call and leave a message that goes something like, “Hey, it’s **Stranger**. Sorry you couldn’t make it, but I met up with this awesome brunette that looks like a cross between Rachel Weisz and Famke Janssen, and having a great discussion about Russian literature, quantum mechanics, and cryptography. Talk to you later.” Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/36 "2008-11-14T19:54:40Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I also like to have a number so when I get stood up (all too frequently) I can call and leave a message that goes something like, “Hey, it’s **Stranger**. Sorry you couldn’t make it, but I met up with this awesome brunette that looks like a cross between Rachel Weisz and Famke Janssen, and having a great discussion about Russian literature, quantum mechanics, and cryptography. Talk to you later.” > > Stranger Since anyone who stands you up probably doesn’t care anyway, what would that accomplish? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/37 "2008-11-14T19:58:28Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Although **ms** gives really bad dating advice… Actually, I think my advice is pretty good. Keep in mind, society is still skewed in the expectation that the man pursues the woman. There’s a pretty good chance she will probably think you just weren’t that into her. Besides, as I said, why not take as much control of the situation as you can. There are enought variables that you can’t control. Like most things in life, you have a much better chance getting what you want by being competant and assertive (not awkward, creepy or passive). Guys who thrust you their number or ask for yours when there clearly isn’t any sort of connection or interest are just pathetic chumps. It’s the dating equivalent of one of those jerks handing out coupons to comedy shows in Times Square. Also, if she’s so shy that she doesn’t want to give you her number, she is probably too shy to call you out of the blue for a date. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/38 "2008-11-14T21:31:13Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > Since anyone who stands you up probably doesn’t care anyway, what would that accomplish? A transitory sense of hollow satisfaction before I go home and drown my sorrows in Bushmill’s Black Label. > [@msmith537](#): > > Keep in mind, society is still skewed in the expectation that the man pursues the woman. There’s a pretty good chance she will probably think you just weren’t that into her. Besides, as I said, why not take as much control of the situation as you can. There are enough variables that you can’t control. > > Like most things in life, you have a much better chance getting what you want by being competent and assertive (not awkward, creepy or passive). So, you mean that hanging out outside her bedroom window in a trenchcoat holding a boombox with Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” blaring out is not the way to win her heart? The man pursuing the woman is not just a societal expectation; it is to no small degree also a biological imperative. One can demand equality between the sexes in many ways but when the root emotions are involved, particularly in _affaires du coeur_, there is a wider divide in expectation and response than the rift between Norway and Peru. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/39 "2008-11-14T22:16:58Z")
> [@Cat Fight](#): > > I’m the same way. I’ve requested a guy’s number in the past, but only **before** we had a nice long conversation. (Bolding mine) You’re quite prescient, aren’t you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2008, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604/40 "2008-11-14T22:22:19Z")
[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train;10449211The man pursuing the woman is not just a societal expectation; it is to no small degree also a biological imperative. One can demand equality between the sexes in many ways but when the root emotions are involved, particularly in _affaires du coeur_, there is a wider divide in expectation and response than the rift between Norway and Peru.[/QUOTE] So how come guys like it when you jump on them naked and hump their brains out? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giving-your-phone-number-to-ladies-a-poll/472604.md?page=3)