# Glacially Long Bowel Movements **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133 "2004-06-01T20:26:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/41 "2004-06-02T18:37:01Z")
I think it has to do with density- a ‘regular’ poop, that is, a poop that is released soon after you realize “I have to go” often is a fairly effortless affair for me; I sit down, kind of straighten my back out, the poo slides effortlessly out, and I kind of give a little twitch (kind of like a pee shiver). If, however, I wait for whatever reason, that ‘I have to go’ sensation will go away for a while. Sometimes this makes me forget I had to go in the first place, and even if I go when the sensation comes back, it is a much more difficult affair. I have a sensitive heiney, and excessive straining in the past has let to, ahem _tearing_ in that reigion which is not fun! :eek: A very dense bowel movement seems to have some sort of independent will of its own, suddenly it does not want to leave the colon, and I am forced to assume the 'put my head between my knees, grab my ankles, and bite through my tongue straining". Often all that huffing and puffing is all directed at producing a nugget the density of a plutonium sphere, which felt like a massive jagged boulder slowly inching its way out my GI tract. Not fun. So those ones usually take a lot longer to produce. I really hate it when we go out to eat, I’m somewhat hungry but I also have to poop. I am usually forced to go to the bathroom and ‘jettison some weight’, then wash my hands very thoroughly. Usually my appetite goes up (made more room for myself? 😕 ) Another time consuming aspect for me is wiping. I have a lot of hair down there, which makes it really hard to get _completely_ clean. In fact, I try to go poop at home, not because I’m grossed out by public bathrooms, but rather because if I have the time I can jump in the shower after I’m done and hose my ass off and get some antibacterial soap lather around that area to be 100% my hieney is clean 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![P\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a587f6/32.png) [@P\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P_T)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/42 "2004-06-02T18:41:00Z")
Incubus, I just have to say that was by far the greatest post I have ever read on a message board. I applaude you. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/43 "2004-06-02T18:57:54Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > I’d fill the bowl so full that after I flushed the number and length of skid marks rivaled the strating line of a drag strip. I refer to this as the “helicopter blade” ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/44 "2004-06-02T19:21:13Z")
I once had an uninterrupted one that laid out flat ( **lieu** , you would have helped me _do_ that, right, buddy?:D) would have measured 2 feet. I was so impressed that I took a picture of it and slipped it in with the pics of my wedding. Guess that’s why I’m divorced now! 😉 But my God! It was **ART**! I really hated to let it go! The only thing that comes close to it now is when I clean the lint out of my dryer screen. If it comes off all in one piece, I know I will have a fine day! **lieu** you’re still the champ, Dude! 🙂 Your Pal Quasi ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/45 "2004-06-02T20:53:49Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > I know I can’t dictate what people type or say but I really didn’t want to turn this into a “Men, Aren’t They The Worst?” comedy routine. In a week ot two, I’ll have the TV on after Saturday Night Live, and probably see the following on one of those “Amateur Night at the Apollo”-type shows … “Now, white people, when they take a shit, they’re all gruff and stiff, and ‘dat shit don’t wanna’ leave their body. Maybe it’s because their asses are so flat! [nasal white accent] ‘Hi, I’m Norman, I’m white, and I have to deficate. Grrrrrrrrunt! That was pleasant!’ [/nasal white accent] We black people, our shit just slides from our booty. Smooth and slick, like the way we walk. Must be all the soul food our mamas feed us! Maybe all that shit up there is why white people walk like that!” ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/46 "2004-06-02T21:02:09Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > My greatest span? 31 days. Mind … boggling … can’t … breathe … my god … [collapses, eyes rolled back in head, mouth foaming] ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/47 "2004-06-02T21:39:46Z")
That thing must have looked like a scorched brick by the time it came out. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/48 "2004-06-02T21:43:57Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I have a lot of hair down there, which makes it really hard to get _completely_ clean. This contributes to the length of my bowel dance. I like to wait until the nuggets have finished dropping out of my ass hair. I am looking forward to meeting everybody in this thread I haven’t yet met, so you can think of that image as I shake your hand. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/49 "2004-06-02T21:45:49Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > Mind … boggling … can’t … breathe … my god … [collapses, eyes rolled back in head, mouth foaming] I was in the hospital, three years old. It required two enemas and was 1/4 of my weight! Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Or…rather…don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/50 "2004-06-02T21:46:37Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > That thing must have looked like a scorched brick by the time it came out. I hope not. In fact, I hope nobody ever has to push a square peg through their round hole. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/51 "2004-06-02T22:58:09Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > That thing must have looked like a scorched brick by the time it came out. Oh, God! Kill me now before I bust a gut laughing and bleed all over everything I own! **lieu** , Godammit! You are going to be the death of me! 😃 Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/52 "2004-06-03T00:06:40Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > This contributes to the length of my bowel dance. I like to wait until the nuggets have finished dropping out of my ass hair. Use scissors, man! Or hedge clippers, depending on how long you’ve waited. Listen, my wife and I just got a digital camera. I’m forming an idea for a “picture-post” message board… Nah. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/53 "2004-06-03T02:58:40Z")
Poops and zits. Poops and zits. Hey, did I tell you about that really long … uhh, urine movement I had a few weeks ago? Timed it on my chronograph: two minutes, ten seconds continuous from first to last drop. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/54 "2004-06-03T04:36:57Z")
> [@AlbertRose](#): > > Use scissors, man! Or hedge clippers, depending on how long you’ve waited. > > Listen, my wife and I just got a digital camera. I’m forming an idea for a “picture-post” message board… > > Nah. [Too late](http://ratemypoo.com) ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/55 "2004-06-03T13:33:16Z")
Damn, I wish I’d known about that site _and_ had a digital camera for the poo I made yesterday - shaped exactly like the Greek letter _phi_ - odd thing was, both ends were _over_ the middle section. Still not sure how that worked out. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/56 "2004-06-03T13:59:36Z")
Hello, **Lynn**? 😃 **JBJ** , did this thread of yours spiral out of control or are you writing a paper on how gross us guys can get given the incentive? For some reason, I feel like I have cleansed myself, a la the primal scream (or a primal enema! :D) Q ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133/57 "2004-06-03T17:34:07Z")
Seriously, though, I have always wondered about this! I have a friend who goes into the bathroom for 30 minutes to shit! What the heck is he doing in there?!? Whereas my ex-boyfriend would only take 5 minutes. I, on the other hand, take about 1 minute, tops. Seriously, men, why does it take you so long to get it out? I just don’t understand. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/glacially-long-bowel-movements/248133.md?page=2)