# Go-to insults **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 4, 2017, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323 "2017-01-04T18:02:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/21 "2017-01-04T21:03:24Z")
Somebody changes lanes without signalling, or runs a red light, or turns when pedestrians want to use the crosswalk… “Well, aren’t we a rare and special flower of importance! Must be nice being you.” ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/22 "2017-01-04T22:14:36Z")
Picked up this one at work many years ago: “You embryonic rat-brain precursor!” ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/23 "2017-01-04T22:21:07Z")
“If you were Jesus’ mother (or father) he would have nailed himself to the cross.” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/24 "2017-01-04T22:49:02Z")
I’ve often found the OED quite helpful, but it barely fits in my back-pack. As to this… > [@Cardigan](#): > > - Interrupters “Pardon Us for talking while You’re Interrupting…” …if they still don’t get it… _Pivot right foot between them and the person you are talking to, facing Them._ _Make eye contact._ “Excuse me… do I Know You…?” …and if they still don’t get the hint… “No. No, You Don’t. But That. Can. Change…” _ **Big Smile** _😃 _allow them time to walk away_ \*Turn and continue conversation with, “…now where we? Weren’t you just about to tell me about [and make damn sure you remember exactly what was being discussed]…” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/25 "2017-01-05T01:06:48Z")
I’ve been waiting for a real-life phone spammer to actually answer their phone so I could casually ask them “have you considered parthenogenesis?” ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/26 "2017-01-05T01:48:52Z")
Garlic eating, stinking little yellow, greasy, fascist bastard… (Points for the source.) Yes I actually use that sometimes. Under my breath, but still… ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/27 "2017-01-05T03:18:18Z")
I remember sitting patiently while a student made up an ignorant and completely wrong answer. I _might_ have shaken my head in despair, saying: “And _you_ were the fastest sperm…” ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/28 "2017-01-05T06:18:11Z")
Scrofulous spawn of a camel ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/29 "2017-01-05T06:39:53Z")
10 PRINT “You’re family tree must be”; 20 PRINT “a cactus because everybody on”; 30 PRINT "it is a prick! "; 40 GOTO 10 ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/30 "2017-01-05T07:11:52Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > My brother and I make fun of each other’s mom quite a bit. I have a good friend who tells “your mom” insults to her own children! ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/31 "2017-01-05T07:43:44Z")
> [@digs](#): > > “And _you_ were the fastest sperm…” Totally using this one…thanks! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/32 "2017-01-05T07:49:50Z")
“Bastidge. Farging icehole.” From the film _Johnny Dangerously_; one of the characters was a gangster who badly mispronounced English (particularly obscenities). Insulting but funny, and plausibly not actually naughty words. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Elk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Anne\_Elk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Elk)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/33 "2017-01-05T11:18:25Z")
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” Absolutely must be delivered with an over the top french accent. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/34 "2017-01-05T15:11:03Z")
> [@Anne\_Elk](#): > > “Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” > Absolutely must be delivered with an over the top french accent. Ah faht in yoor zheneral direction! ---
**Author:** ![ASGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@ASGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/35 "2017-01-05T15:23:00Z")
(1) Only for irritating women: “You Communist tart.” (2) For anyone: “Well pardon me all to hell!” #2 is a John Wayne line, I think from the _Shootist_. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/36 "2017-01-05T16:03:27Z")
To anyone you’re trying to get a point across to who suffers Dunning-Kruger Effect. Paraphrasing Time Bandits- “It must be wonderful for you to be so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence”. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/37 "2017-01-05T17:26:09Z")
“If I needed any shit out of you I’d squeeze your head. Now shaddup and wander off, grownups are talking here.” ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/38 "2017-01-05T18:49:10Z")
Go brush your tooth. ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/39 "2017-01-05T18:58:36Z")
My dad’s has been for years: “Did your parents have any that lived?” Mine (when I hear something dumb): “Thanks, Crayons.” ---
**Author:** ![Vinum\_Lupum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Vinum\_Lupum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinum_Lupum)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323/40 "2017-01-05T22:46:49Z")
For people expressing shit I’m not interested in hearing, whom I don’t care if I piss off: “If I wanted your opinion, I would have beaten it out of you!” Stolen from a movie so long ago that I don’t remember what one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-insults/776323.md?page=3)