# Go to your child's pre K graduation or your SO's Master's degree graduation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2025, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207 "2025-06-04T22:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/21 "2025-06-04T23:42:21Z")
Oh. That’s unfortunate. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/22 "2025-06-04T23:42:32Z")
A 16 year old spending a day at home alone is very different from missing a 4/5 year old’s event. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/23 "2025-06-04T23:47:19Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > The kid won’t remember by tomorrow. The girlfriend will remember for a lifetime. Got it in one. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/24 "2025-06-04T23:48:23Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I remember my ex-girlfriend and I had planned to spend the day together. Our schedules were so busy we planned this for 2 weeks. > > And then at the very last moment she cancels on me. Why? Bc her 16yo daughter had plans to hang out with her friends that day. But for whatever reasons those plans got canceled. She was just going to spend the day at home alone. ONE frickin day! > > And the mother chose to say with her instead of spend the day with me like we had planned for 2 weeks. Good for her. Leaving her kid home alone to meet up with a date would be pretty fucked up. I know a woman who, when she was a teenager, had her mom do pretty much exactly that, and I know it was pretty difficult for her. Sorry you had your date cancelled, but as an adult man you (should) be able to handle that. And if you couldn’t, then… > [@Grrr](#): > > We broke up shortly after that. That’s probably for the best, for everyone involved. > [@Grrr](#): > > That’s not a fun relationship to be in. And I can’t imagine anybody would want that for themselves. Parenting isn’t about doing what’s _fun_ for yourself. It’s about doing what’s best for your kid. If you can’t handle that, don’t have kids, and don’t date people with kids. Best case scenario, you get disappointed that they aren’t “fun” enough. Worst case scenario, you convince them to run around with you and the kid ends up neglected. > [@Grrr](#): > > If you can’t even make this slightest of concessions, maybe you shouldn’t even be dating in the first place. Maybe you shouldn’t be dating people with children. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/25 "2025-06-04T23:50:05Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > > > The kid won’t remember by tomorrow. The girlfriend will remember for a lifetime. > > Got it in one. Who cares what your ex girlfriend remembers years from now? Your kid, on the other hand, will still be your kid. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/26 "2025-06-04T23:50:19Z")
Both the child and I will be attending the Master’s graduation. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/27 "2025-06-04T23:57:06Z")
At 16, I’d have paid my parent to leave me at home for the day. I’d have read a book or ridden my bike or played D&D with friends, or… No parent needed or wanted for company. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/28 "2025-06-04T23:59:56Z")
You think a 16 yo spending the day alone is a problem? Lol really? 😂 ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/29 "2025-06-05T00:31:59Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > You think a 16 yo spending the day alone is a problem? Nope, not at all. A 16 year old spending much of a day alone is not a problem, if there’s a valid reason for it and the kid is cool with it. “I want to see the dude/chick I’m hooking up with” is not really a valid reason. Especially if your kid had their friends bail on them and is feeling bummed about having to stay home alone all day. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/30 "2025-06-05T00:47:27Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > “I want to see the dude/chick I’m hooking up with” is not really a valid reason. I think it reasonably could be, just depends on context. The kid is bummed and depressed and really wanted to hang out with mom to get cheered up? Perfectly valid to cancel the date. Kid just unexpectedly on their own, but pretty self-sufficient and feeling perfectly fine? Well, hell you’ve been planning that date for two weeks - kid will be fine. Neither absolutist position really makes sense. Kids should very generally trump someone you’re dating all else being equal. But everything isn’t always equal. Keeping in mind my own bias. I was a pretty independent latchkey kid that was both very used to being on my own and I didn’t usually prefer to hang with my parents at sixteen unless we had scheduled to do something. ETA: So I think all graduation ceremonies are genuinely kinda stupid. I always sort of respected my father for never even bothering to pick up his paper PhD, it might still be sitting forgotten in a file somewhere. But pre-K is particularly inane. I’d have gone to the Master’s (a little unhappily, but trying to be supportive if the girlfriend deemed it important). ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/31 "2025-06-05T00:55:59Z")
Kid should skip the pre-k and go to the SO’s graduation. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/32 "2025-06-05T01:01:14Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Both the child and I will be attending the Master’s graduation. Yup. I don’t remember if I took off work for pre K graduation. Possibly did for KG. OTOH if this is a seriously significant other then _our_ being there for a major life transition event is a meaningful thing. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/33 "2025-06-05T01:12:04Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > “I want to see the dude/chick I’m hooking up with” is not really a valid reason. “I have pre existing plans made to spend time with my romantic interest.” is a very valid reason. But like @Tamerlane as a teen I was used to being independent and wouldn’t even have imagined that my parent would spend the day with me if I didn’t have other plans made. Nor would have wanted it! Can’t imagine any of my four kids would have as teens either. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/34 "2025-06-05T01:15:24Z")
100% agree with this. It’s pre-K. If they even feel snubbed somehow I doubt they will care more than an hour later. The GF has a LOT more invested in that achievement. Best be there to celebrate it (not out of duty but because you should want to). ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/35 "2025-06-05T01:22:28Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Which I think is BS. NOBODY should always come first. Sometimes the kids come first sometimes the SO comes first. You call it on a case-by-case basis. Involve critical thinking in your decisions. I expect someone’s child to come before their boy/girlfriend pretty much every single time. While I think kindergarten graduations are a bit silly, it’s a parent’s job to be there for those milestones. If you’re dating someone with a child, you should expect them to put that child’s needs before yours. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/36 "2025-06-05T01:26:19Z")
Needs, yes. But wants? No. Or at least “not necessarily” If the child’s slightest whim comes before my legit needs as a BF/GF/SO, well that other adult has decided I’m a useless accessory in their one-on-one exclusive relationship with their child. With no room for me, I can have no fulfilling interest in them. They might be happy, their kid might be happy, but they’re not going to have any sort of relationship with any adult peer on that basis. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/37 "2025-06-05T01:35:23Z")
So you’re taking an absolutist approach lacking any sort of critical thinking. I wonder: why even bother dating if this is your approach? Doesn’t it seem a little selfish to you? I’m fine with putting your kid above all else no matter what. But I don’t think people with this mindset should be dating. We are not talking about friends with benefits here. We were talking about two adults searching for a life partner. This is serious. And if you don’t want to put the effort into it then you shouldn’t be dating. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/38 "2025-06-05T01:41:08Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > OTOH if this is a seriously significant other then _our_ being there for a major life transition event is a meaningful thing. I guess I’m not really buying that it’s a _seriously_ significant other based on the information provided. It’s possible, but it certainly wouldn’t be my base assumption. I mean, a _maximum_ of four years ago, the guy was in another relationship that was “serious” enough to produce a kid. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/39 "2025-06-05T01:42:13Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > I expect someone’s child to come before their boy/girlfriend pretty much every single time. While I think kindergarten graduations are a bit silly, it’s a parent’s job to be there for those milestones. If you’re dating someone with a child, you should expect them to put that child’s needs before yours 100% this. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/40 "2025-06-05T01:42:25Z")
I think it is a teachable moment for the child. Let them know that sometimes we cannot do all the things we would like to and a decision has to be made. Not being there does NOT mean they are not important. Also, if you are mostly there for the child and their games and concerts and plays and milestones they’ll get that missing one here-and-there is not a big deal. They know you care and love them. If possible, send an aunt or uncle or godparent or grandparent to the pre-K graduation so there is someone there they love to see it. When you get home ask them all about it. Take them out the next day and do something they like to celebrate. Lots of ways to do this well I’d think. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=3)