# Go to your child's pre K graduation or your SO's Master's degree graduation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2025, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207 "2025-06-04T22:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/41 "2025-06-05T01:45:18Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I’m fine with putting your kid above all else no matter what. But I don’t think people with this mindset should be dating. I agree that if your kid is 4 years old, you probably have no business dating. You should be entirely too busy for that. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/42 "2025-06-05T01:45:31Z")
Yeah, I’m the type of parent who wouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about missing a pre-K graduation but, building on what I said before, I would be the type of partner to understand if some woman I was dating decided attending her kid’s pre-K graduation was more important than my master’s graduation. To be fair, I don’t give a shit about these types of ceremonies for myself, either. Were I graduating with a master’s, I can’t see myself being particularly bothered if my wife decided not to attend because one of the kids had a birthday party to get to or something. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/43 "2025-06-05T01:52:46Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > …I would be the type of partner to understand if some woman I was dating decided attending her kid’s pre-K graduation was more important than my master’s graduation. To me it would depend on how long we had been dating and how serious it was. If we were 2-3 dates in then sure…pre-K graduation wins. If we are 2-3 years in and living together and she saw me studying hard almost every day to make it through I think I would lean to the Master’s graduation. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/44 "2025-06-05T01:53:29Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > So you’re taking an absolutist approach lacking any sort of critical thinking. > [@Me](#): > > I expect someone’s child to come before their boy/girlfriend **pretty much** every single time. I did include some phrasing I felt left _some_ room for nuance. “Pretty much” doesn’t mean the priority is absolute. It just means the child typically comes first. > [@Grrr](#): > > I wonder: why even bother dating if this is your approach? Doesn’t it seem a little selfish to you? At my age, if I were to go back in the dating pool there’s a good chance it’d be with someone who has kids. I would expect the needs of her children to have priority over my needs. If her kids and I don’t get along, I expect her to pick her kids over me. I wouldn’t think it selfish of her. > [@Grrr](#): > > We are not talking about friends with benefits here. We were talking about two adults searching for a life partner. This is serious. And if you don’t want to put the effort into it then you shouldn’t be dating. Searching for a life partner isn’t the same as having a life partner. Right now she’s just a girlfriend and he’s just a boyfriend. That child is going to be his for the rest of his life though. > [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > I think it is a teachable moment for the child. Let them know that sometimes we cannot do all the things we would like to and a decision has to be made. Not being there does NOT mean they are not important. “Son, I know you’re bummed out now. But one of these days you’re going to grow up and start chasing trim just like your Old Man. You’ll understand then why I chose her over you.” ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/45 "2025-06-05T01:54:37Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > “Son, I know you’re bummed out now. But one of these days you’re going to grow up and start chasing trim just like your Old Man. You’ll understand then why I chose her over you.” Is this a choice you make from a one-night stand? I assume there is more to the relationship with the SO than that. Is there any dividing line for you? ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/46 "2025-06-05T01:57:39Z")
I have taken preemptive action for exactly this sort of eventuality. Growing up, I participated in ZERO graduations. I was forced to attend a cousin’s college grad ceremony when I was young, realized it was boring and pointless and swore I would never go to one again. Promise kept. I was, and remain, very pleased with that decision. I graduated high school, college and grad school and never went to graduation. Learning never stops, so apart from the tedious nature of grad ceremonies, I also came to believe they’re foolish, false, arbitrary markers. I’ve felt pride at certain accomplishments in my life, but finishing a degree was never one of them. But here’s the best part: Because I never went to my own graduations, I never have to go to anyone else’s. At least, that’s how I explain my policy to family and friends. And I’ve stuck to it. I’ll attend the party if asked, but I won’t come to the graduation. This has definitely improved my quality of life. So my answer to the OP is: neither. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/47 "2025-06-05T02:04:05Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > While I think kindergarten graduations are a bit silly, it’s a parent’s job to be there for those milestones. It’s Pre-K, not kindergarten. Preschool “graduation” isn’t a milestone. It’s barely a Hallmark holiday. Of course, the same goes for Kindergarten “graduation”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/48 "2025-06-05T02:05:59Z")
You and @Babale are reducing dating to just getting laid. Which I think is pretty messed up. Some people date for more than just that. There’s no need to denigrate them. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/49 "2025-06-05T02:07:19Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > Is this a choice you make from a one-night stand? I assume there is more to the relationship with the SO than that. Is there any dividing line for you? Sure. In this particular case, I’m going with seeing the kid’s graduation rather than my main squeeze’s graduation. Come up with another scenario and I might go with the main squeeze. > [@Jophiel](#): > > It’s Pre-K, not kindergarten. Preschool “graduation” isn’t a milestone. It’s barely a Hallmark holiday. Of course, the same goes for Kindergarten “graduation”. I just attended a kindergarten graduation. It’s a little silly. It was cute seeing all the kids singing and holding signs with the jobs they want when they grow up, YouTuber was an unexpected but popular choice, but I think most of us agree it’s kind of silly. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/50 "2025-06-05T02:08:21Z")
“Chasing Trim”? If your telling your 4yo you’re going out “chasing trim” (whatever the hell that means) you’ve already lost. Kids better off w/o you there. And, come on sending grandparents or aunts? Oh, just leave it to Mom. She’ll be there, I betcha. And then tell the kid "Your dad didn’t come, he was was _chasing trim_ for the rest of his life. Yeah, great Dad material. Be a Father, go to your kids stuff. Don’t always leave it to Mom. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/51 "2025-06-05T02:12:33Z")
Are you saying I am talking about “chasing trim?” Have you read this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/52 "2025-06-05T02:15:35Z")
No. Sorry. I read the quote in your post. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/53 "2025-06-05T02:15:39Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > Come up with another scenario and I might go with the main squeeze. You’ve been together with the SO for three years. You supported them so they could get their degree. You live together and are engaged to be married. Your pre-K kid sees the SO as a parent. Chasing trim indeed…how offensive to a relationship as though that is all there is to it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/54 "2025-06-05T02:16:56Z")
Yes, I read the whole thread. Just a mistake. So sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/55 "2025-06-05T02:19:54Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > You’ve been together with the SO for five years. You supported them so they could get their degree. You live together and are engaged to be married. Your pre-K kid sees the SO as a parent. This doesn’t make sense. How would I have been with this woman longer than my kid has been alive? Was she my side chick while I was with my kid’s mother? At any rate, if I’ve been with this person for five years and I supported her while she got her degree we’d be married. i.e. She’d be my wife not my girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/56 "2025-06-05T02:21:30Z")
It’s my scenario you asked for. Go with that. (and I fixed five years to three before you posted but whatever…I’m sure I could gin up some way around it but I won’t because it misses the main point to focus on a niggling detail that changes nothing). ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/57 "2025-06-05T02:23:29Z")
Either graduate is being childish for making you choose. Only one of them has an excuse for being childish. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/58 "2025-06-05T02:25:54Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > It’s my scenario you asked for. Go with that. (and I fixed five years to three before you posted but whatever…I’m sure I could gin up some way around it but I won’t because it misses the main point to focus on a niggling detail that changes nothing). I’m sticking to my guns. I’m going with my kid on this one. I’m sure my SO would understand. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/59 "2025-06-05T03:32:52Z")
I’d say go to the Master’s graduation. Is a roughly 4-5yo even going to remember who was at this non-event for very long? Graduating pre-K isn’t that much of an accomplishment, a Master’s degree definitely is. Now, if it was the kid’s high school graduation, it would be a lot dicier to choose. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/60 "2025-06-05T03:36:20Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Good for her. Leaving her kid home alone to meet up with a date would be pretty fucked up. I know a woman who, when she was a teenager, had her mom do pretty much exactly that, and I know it was pretty difficult for her. > > Sorry you had your date cancelled, but as an adult man you (should) be able to handle that. And if you couldn’t, then… A 16yo should be perfectly capable of being home alone for a few hours without Mommy coptering around, and might well benefit from some time to herself and some breathing room! Now, if there’s a developmental issue, that’s another matter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=4)