# Go to your child's pre K graduation or your SO's Master's degree graduation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2025, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207 "2025-06-04T22:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/101 "2025-06-05T05:06:59Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > How do you think you get from A → B if you (general “you”) find yourself single with a 4-year-old? Again, do you think those stats are talking about _step_ parent households? ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/102 "2025-06-05T05:10:06Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Wait?! You assume it is always the situation that both parents want to coparent? > You don’t think it is healthy that in at least one house the child experiences love with two parent figures present? What? I don’t understand your question? I’m saying that there’s a difference between maintaining a romantic connection with your partner who you share a kid with while you’re doing the difficult job of parenting (which is challenging but important to do); versus trying to build and nurture a brand new romantic connection with someone who _isn’t_ parenting. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/103 "2025-06-05T05:11:16Z")
The op never even said _anything_ about divorce or co-parenting or an ex-wife changing diapers. Maybe the mother died. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/104 "2025-06-05T05:12:28Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Again, do you think those stats are talking about _step_ parent households? Absolutely. I am a product of one. Indeed…three “dads.” (0 and 5 and then 11) The third was a stand-up guy and I am far better off for having known him (in fact, today is the 19th anniversary of his death…natural causes…I wish I had told him how much he mattered). Anecdotal, I know. It is up to the parent of the child to find a good partner. Everyone will be better for it if a good choice is made. Of course, not all people make good choices. That’s another discussion. But there is nothing inherently wrong with dating while you have a young child to care for. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/105 "2025-06-05T05:12:42Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Maybe the mother died. Then he _definitely_ has better shit to do than date; and since there’s no one else to go to the kid’s graduation, the girlfriend is absolutely a raging asshole for asking him to ditch it. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/106 "2025-06-05T05:16:15Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I’m going to my daughter’s Pre-K graduation tomorrow, Well that explains all his extreme views. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/107 "2025-06-05T05:57:54Z")
Well. You don’t go on to kindergarten if you don’t graduate pre-k. Gotta start getting that masters degree earlier these days. If a grown ass college + educated woman doesn’t understand you going to your kids special day they aren’t gonna be a good step-parent. Lose 'em now, rather than later. God, I hope she’s mastered in early education. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/108 "2025-06-05T06:14:32Z")
This is total fucking nonsense. First, pre-K. Is basically daycare. It’s not necessary, it is not required to enter into kindergarten. Secondly, special day? "Graduating from day care is a special day? It isn’t. Like I said it’s daycare. They have to achieve nothing while going there. All they have to do is attend. Getting a master’s degree is a life-changing event. Way more significant. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/109 "2025-06-05T06:21:47Z")
At this point I feel like the naysayers are just virtue signaling: “Look how much more I love my child than you love yours” Ridiculous! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/110 "2025-06-05T06:26:20Z")
No. Pre-k is required in our school system. And there are skill sets that are required to move up. This is why people often put delayed children in at 3. So they have an extra year to master these skills. Day care is not the same. No diapers in Pre-k. I have twin grandsons who just moved up from Pre-k. They go to regular K next fall. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/111 "2025-06-05T06:42:18Z")
Pre-K is not required. Name the state you think it is. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/112 "2025-06-05T07:06:14Z")
It is in our school system. I can’t speak for the whole state or world. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/113 "2025-06-05T07:07:37Z")
Name the state! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/114 "2025-06-05T07:08:32Z")
Arkansas. We’re in a special school district in this county. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/115 "2025-06-05T07:20:38Z")
Arkansas does not require pre k. Google it. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/116 "2025-06-05T07:23:47Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > First, pre-K. Is basically daycare. It’s not necessary, it is not required to enter into kindergarten. Can you imagine the state where your child’s education stops if they do not graduate from pre-K? If there were such a place I would argue it is a more important event than any other graduation for the rest of their life (considering there can be no more education if they do not graduate pre-K). ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/117 "2025-06-05T10:01:52Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > Again, does the child even know this event is going to happen? > > My kid is 3 and she knows about graduation tomorrow, because her teachers have been telling them about it all week. And she’s been telling us how excited she is to graduate, that her stuffed animals are graduating, etc. > > I realize not every kid gets that excited about it, but I think part of that is also what is modeled for them. Then yes, you should go. Because it’s important to be present for your kid. And i attended a lot of tedious concerts and whatnot because my kid was in them. Hell, i attended my daughter’s “graduation” from a summer gymnastics program. (Which was actually a lot less tedious than the concerts.) I’m sticking firmly with my answer of “it depends”. Because it doesn’t matter to every kid. And the graduation ceremony from a Masters program doesn’t matter to every adult. (As i mentioned above, my son didn’t attend his, as best as i know, and certainly didn’t invite us.) And i don’t presume to know how the various parties feel about those events in the hypothetical presented in the op. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/118 "2025-06-05T10:16:48Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > > [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > > > You mean the person who will never remember a moment of any of it? > > My three year old might not remember graduation when she’s in her thirties, but she’ll certainly remember it for the next few months at least (and will undoubtedly talk about it nonstop, too!). Why is the only being that matters the hypothetical thirty years old woman my daughter ends up being? What about the girl who exists over the next year ago _does_ remember graduation and talks about it excitedly? To those of you arguing it doesn’t matter, the kid will forget it… The kid will be affected by whether they know their parent cares about them, and prioritizes them. Like, you can throw an infant against the wall. And the kid won’t remember that you did that. But the kid will learn that your arms aren’t a safe place to be, and that will affect the adult. So we don’t throw children against the wall. We hold then securely and keep them safe. Even though babies don’t form narrative memories, yet. A four year old might remember their pre school graduation when they grow up. They might not. But it doesn’t matter. It _does_ matter that they know their parents are there for them, and care about them. That doesn’t mean you necessarily need to go to this “graduation”. If there’s another priority in your life, you can sell that to the kid. Four year olds are old enough to understand that there are other priorities. But if you do that, you should include the kid in that other priority. Because you _don’t_ want your child to be the only one at some event whose parents aren’t there for them. And also, this takes planning. You can’t just decide at the last minute to ditch your child’s event. You absolutely need to explain, well in advance, what the child should expect, and why this masters graduation matters. (If it even does.) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/119 "2025-06-05T10:21:24Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > First, pre-K. Is basically daycare. It’s not necessary, it is not required to enter into kindergarten. My kid’s summer gymnastics program wasn’t necessary for anything. It wasn’t even daycare, it was a couple hours a week. But they did a big graduation ceremony where all the kids showed off what they’d learned and got a participation medal. And every child there was accompanied by parents. And a child who was there without parents would have felt really abandoned. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/120 "2025-06-05T11:53:53Z")
This past weekend I attended a young kids’ dance recital. It was done on a better scale than prior ones: outdoors with the audience sitting on the grass; no tickets; basic dance attire instead of expensive costumes; no downtime between dances; 1 hour long. Still, maybe a quarter of the dancers knew their routine, and at least as many had ZERO clue. Nevertheless, some parents were giving these little kids full bouquets! 🙄 I mention this, just to support my belief that a pre-K (or K) graduation ceremony is just stupid. Yet another element of how we excessively celebrate our kids for things that aren’t even achievements. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=7)