# Go to your child's pre K graduation or your SO's Master's degree graduation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2025, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207 "2025-06-04T22:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/141 "2025-06-05T14:06:55Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Apparently, I’m in the minority because I think he should have went to his girlfriend’s graduation. That’s because you have a brain. A master’s degree is a major educational accomplishment. A Pre-K or even a K graduation is a money making invention designed to make mommy and daddy gush over their precious little one but, in reality, has no value whatsoever as an educational landmark of any kind. Also, to me at least, it’s indicative of something else of a more serious nature. It is indicative of the fact that she will always play “second fiddle” to his previous relationship and family. That’s why I would never engage in a serious relationship with a “retread”. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/142 "2025-06-05T14:22:39Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > The girlfriend can appreciate the guy’s predicament; the kid probably won’t. Does his girlfriend really expect him to demonstrate that she means more to him than his child? If so, there are bigger issues with that relationship. The fallacy here is that there is no reason to conflate going to one event instead of the other as a declaration of or indication of who “means more”. Also, in response to those who are worried about the photos and long-term implications, who decides that, for this family, pre-K ‘graduation’ is an important life event to be memorialized (along with photos that prove who is in attendance? I know times are different, but I don’t think my parents are in any pictures of me at school events. Why would they be?)? And even if it is, that dad’s attendance or lack thereof is somehow objectively important? If dad is constantly missing milestones throughout his child’s life, or making choices based on the assumptions that the kid’s other parents will be there whenever he’d rather do something else that’s a red flag. But without actual insight into all the context and relationships involved, either option is perfectly reasonable. But really, my question back to the person asking the question of strangers on social media is: “assuming the kid’s mother is in the picture, what does she think? Is she attending the graduation? Is she willing to be the parent for this event?” ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/143 "2025-06-05T14:33:06Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I know times are different, but I don’t think my parents are in any pictures of me at school events. Why would they be? I don’t know if it’s exactly that times are different (except in the sense that pre-K and kindergarten graduations are more common) - I’ve seen photos of kids and their parents at graduations since I graduated from 8th grade in 1977. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/144 "2025-06-05T14:37:09Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > who decides that, for this family, pre-K ‘graduation’ is an important life event to be memorialized With the caveat that this goes both ways, exactly. People who are saying that this is obviously the more important thing to do are wrong. People who are saying that pre-K graduations are stupid are wrong. Ceremonies derive their meaning and importance from the participants and attendees. If you don’t find a ceremony meaningful, you’re right; and if you find it terrifically meaningful, you’re also right. There’s no objective answer to this question. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/145 "2025-06-05T14:41:53Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > > [@Eonwe](#): > > > > I know times are different, but I don’t think my parents are in any pictures of me at school events. Why would they be? > > I don’t know if it’s exactly that times are different (except in the sense that pre-K and kindergarten graduations are more common) - I’ve seen photos of kids and their parents at graduations since I graduated from 8th grade in 1977. Fair enough… maybe a better way to think about it is: different families do these things differently, and it’s all ok. I’m finding the assumptions that there’s something fundamentally wrong or lesser with varying approaches to things like attendance and photos at a pre-k graduation to be over the top. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/146 "2025-06-05T14:45:51Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > People who are saying that pre-K graduations are stupid are wrong. What I think would be wrong would be the preK program _creating_ this as a big milestone lifecycle event and even implicitly creating an expectation in the kids’ minds that parents _should_ be there. This is a “parents are welcome to attend if they wish” occasion, which leaves space for parents to elevate it or not as is their wont. But hopefully not with air horns and crazy yelling that had started to become common the time my kids were graduating High School! Though it would be hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/147 "2025-06-05T14:49:20Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > She was just going to spend the day at home alone. ONE frickin day! > > And the mother chose to say with her instead of spend the day with me like we had planned for 2 weeks. I haven’t read the whole thread, so I’ve no idea how often this has been addressed, but WTF? I was twelve when my mother went back to work for the first time after I was born. Home alone during Easter vacation (I got the week off, but she didn’t)? Not a problem. Home alone five days a week for two months during summer vacation? Also not a problem. (Well, I was thirteen by then, but still several years to go before I turned sixteen.) Surely there isn’t _that_ much difference between boys and girls. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/148 "2025-06-05T14:50:34Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > People who are saying that this is obviously the more important thing to do are wrong. People who are saying that pre-K graduations are stupid are wrong. 100%. I didn’t feel that it was necessary to argue explicitly that both positions are wrong, because no one is (unless I missed it) taking their position that “pre-K graduations are stupid” as an argument that it would be wrong for others to choose to attend. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/149 "2025-06-05T14:52:31Z")
> [@SCAdian](#): > > I haven’t read the whole thread, so I’ve no idea how often this has been addressed, but WTF? > > I was twelve when my mother went back to work for the first time after I was born. Home alone during Easter vacation (I got the week off, but she didn’t)? Not a problem. Home alone five days a week for two months during summer vacation? Also not a problem. (Well, I was thirteen by then, but still several years to go before I turned sixteen.) Surely there isn’t _that_ much difference between boys and girls. Home alone because your parent has work to do is one thing. Home alone because your parent wants to get laid is a different matter. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/150 "2025-06-05T14:54:31Z")
Jesus Babale stop reducing this to people just wanting to get laid. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/151 "2025-06-05T14:56:36Z")
It’s not “16 year old is home alone all the time because her mother has plans” ( whether to get laid or to go bowling or to go out with her platonic friends.) It’s “16 year old is home alone one night because _her own plans_ got cancelled” otherwise 16 year old would have been out with her friends. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/152 "2025-06-05T14:57:42Z")
I figure everyone is speaking from their own experience. Certainly when I spend time with my SO, it’s not only about getting laid; but that’s just my experience and my relationships. If others only see spending time with SOs as a chance for sex, maybe that’s their experience and colors how they see this question. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/153 "2025-06-05T14:58:11Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Home alone because your parent has work to do is one thing. Home alone because your parent wants to get laid is a different matter. Meh. My parents were divorced and my mom was working several jobs when I was 12. Sometimes she went on dates. Hell, she was part of a dating organization (“Young Single Parents”) to help facilitate her finding dates. My sister and I were happy for her to go on dates because she worked hard and, frankly, came back happier from a date than from a shift at her second job. It would, from my perspective, be super weird to be at that age and NOT want your guardian parent to have a social life. I’m sure she got laid on some of those dates. Good for her. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/154 "2025-06-05T15:00:09Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > It’s not “16 year old is home alone all the time because her mother has plans” ( whether to get laid or to go bowling or to go out with her platonic friends.) Too often, it’s _precisely_ that, with the parent going to great lengths to justify and explain that behavior. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Certainly when I spend time with my SO, it’s not only about getting laid That’s true of me and my SO as well; but my SO isn’t a side piece I picked up after dumping my wife and newborn to the curb. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/155 "2025-06-05T15:02:03Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > That’s true of me and my SO as well; but my SO isn’t a side piece I picked up after dumping my wife and newborn to the curb. Then why are you assuming the SO in the story is that? ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/156 "2025-06-05T15:06:22Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Then why are you assuming the SO in the story is that?. Asked and answered above: > [@Babale](#): > > Because four years is a very short period of time to go from having a baby with one woman, to leaving her for reasons that _don’t_ make you a giant raging asshole who abandoned his wife and kid, to emotionally dealing with whatever it was that made you need to leave that relationship, to starting to date again, to getting into a committed relationship, and to building it up to a level where it’s this serious. > > That’s a LOT of fucking steps for you to be doing while your ex wife is changing diapers and rocking the baby back to sleep in the middle of the night. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/157 "2025-06-05T15:07:42Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Too often, it’s _precisely_ that, with the parent going to great lengths to justify and explain that behavior. That’s not what was described > [@Grrr](#): > > I remember my ex-girlfriend and I had planned to spend the day together. Our schedules were so busy we planned this for 2 weeks. > > And then at the very last moment she cancels on me. Why? Bc her 16yo daughter had plans to hang out with her friends that day. But for whatever reasons those plans got canceled. She was just going to spend the day at home alone. ONE frickin day! > > And the mother chose to say with her instead of spend the day with me like we had planned for 2 weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/158 "2025-06-05T15:08:58Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > That’s not what was described. No, what was described was a woman deciding NOT to do that and to be there for her child instead, and as a result her partner getting jealous and throwing a fit that ended the relationship shortly thereafter. Grr is unreasonably upset that she chose to spend the day with her kid, with no context. Maybe her kid’s plan was with _her_ significant other and _she_ got dumped and needed emotional support. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/159 "2025-06-05T15:10:46Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > isn’t a side piece I picked up after dumping my wife and newborn to the curb. You are a horrible creative writer, despite having a very active albeit very restricted imagination. Or your personal circle of experience may be quite … _special_. Anyway you were responding to the 16 year old being left home alone while mom went out scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207/160 "2025-06-05T15:14:46Z")
Something not mentioned is it also depends on the child. I know high school is not the same as pre-K but bear with me. Do you know how many sports games my parents came to when I was in high school? 0. My mom came to a play I was in, but that was about her not me. And I didn’t care in the slightest. Fast forward to my son in band. We went to football games, basketball games, every freaking parade. And we were pretty much the only parents doing that and despite what he said, we knew that was very important to him. So for the pre-K child, it it more important to them to be with schoolfriends or family at the event. Do they not care about it and are just looking forward to the promised dinner out to celebrate? Are they so clingy that the world will end if their parent(s) is not around? That’s part of the equation too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/go-to-your-childs-pre-k-graduation-or-your-sos-masters-degree-graduation/1019207.md?page=9)