# Goals. In corporate-speak. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677 "2011-01-06T23:26:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/21 "2011-01-07T21:51:45Z")
> [@Hedda\_Rosa](#): > > I perform strongest when operating as an individualized functional unit, based on my strengths as a self-starter and aptitude for independent achievement. (I hate everyone.) > > I continue to exhibit a high level of commitment to the organization, achieving a demonstrable forward-momentum in my skills-based development, while continuously benchmarking against industry best-practices and standards, in order to better ideate against my future career trajectory. (Get out of this soul-crushing job etc.) I love you. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/22 "2011-01-07T22:17:44Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > A slight tangent: If they ask me what I need to improve about myself … in all honesty, it would be punctuality. I’m habitually a little late in the morning, although I stay to make that up if there’s enough work to stretch out. But a tiny little voice is telling me that it’s a bad idea to draw attention to my lateness in the first place. Do I listen? Is it a good instinct to avoid bringing this up? Nope, I wouldn’t even bring it up, especially if you can’t guarantee that you will be 100% punctual in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/23 "2011-01-08T00:05:56Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > A slight tangent: If they ask me what I need to improve about myself … in all honesty, it would be punctuality. Um…how about commitment and a positive attitude toward the job? If they hear you admit that you’re just not that into it (they can certainly see it in you) but that you want to improve in that area, they’ll appreciate you for it. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/24 "2011-01-08T00:07:23Z")
Oh, and don’t try to use any of the mumbo-jumbo jargon with them. It’s all very amusing here in SDMB land, but in real life it sounds like a giant middle finger in their face. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/25 "2011-01-08T14:17:26Z")
> [@Hedda\_Rosa](#): > > I perform strongest when operating as an individualized functional unit, based on my strengths as a self-starter and aptitude for independent achievement. (I hate everyone.) > > I continue to exhibit a high level of commitment to the organization, achieving a demonstrable forward-momentum in my skills-based development, while continuously benchmarking against industry best-practices and standards, in order to better ideate against my future career trajectory. (Get out of this soul-crushing job etc.) I love you. ---
**Author:** ![aesop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@aesop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aesop)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/26 "2011-01-08T15:19:42Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I got a performance review coming up. One of the things I think they’re going to ask me is to name three goals I have for myself concerning my job. I’m very bad with corporate jargon, and I can’t think of a good way to say: > > - stay employed > - keep earning a paycheck > - not kill any co-workers in a murderous rage Those aren’t goals. (Ok, maybe the last one is). But really, they don’t require anything extra from you and consequently won’t distinguish you from your coworkers when raises and bonuses are handed out. And you’ll also be more vulnerable to downsizing. If you’re ok with that, fine. Otherwise, bite the bullet and come up with a three things you can accomplish this year over and above what is expected of you. (Learn a new skill, give a presentation to another group, revise the training manual, start a departmental newsletter, join a committee, organise a social event, improve your punctuality…the list is endless). The goal-setting process doesn’t have to be onerous or a waste of time. If you need inspiration, ask your manager how you can align your personal goals to support the departmental and organizational goals. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/27 "2011-01-10T20:04:00Z")
Ppppbbbbbbbtttthhhhhhh. My supervisor asked me to email her by noon today. I had a tidy little email all ready to go, left for lunch … come back to 1) a terse “\*\*Purple, \*\*I asked for this by noon today pls. send as soon as possible” and 2) my open email sitting in the back of Outlook. I had not, in fact, hit “send.” :smack: Outside of my own imagination, that is. So, this started out on a good note. Go, me. Let’s add “pay better attention to details” to my list of things I need to do better. :smack::smack::smack::smack::smack: ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/28 "2011-01-10T23:24:35Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > They may not discuss goals, but whether or not you’ve completed them _will_ figure into the calculation used to determine whether you get a bonus and how much you get. Not in my experience. I work for a consulting firm, and bonuses and such depend primarily on how many hours you bill, or manage, if at a more senior level. But these occupy a very small part of the annual review form. They’re a couple of lines out of about 50. But they’re the ones that count. The rest is stuff dreamed up by HR people. The HR people might take them seriously. But the HR have zero impact over bonuses and raises. Other than the hard number part, the key is how much your boss likes you, as elsewhere. > [@Icarus](#): > > Oh, and don’t try to use any of the mumbo-jumbo jargon with them. It’s all very amusing here in SDMB land, but in real life it sounds like a giant middle finger in their face. Agree. You can’t overdo it with the jargon. The key is to use the jargon that the company itself is promoting at the time. If they have some initiative going on, or some new slogan they rolled out, you need to find some way to work that into your goals. That’s what bosses are looking for. (Because they need to be able to turn around and tell _their_ bosses that they promoted the latest initiative.) ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/29 "2011-01-11T19:39:49Z")
Invest in team synergy to ensure a cost-aware, value-oriented team effort. Get along with people to make money. Invest in a results-oriented approach to enhance deliverable scope, schedule, and budget performance. Try harder. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/30 "2011-01-11T19:53:54Z")
Oh, how I miss the good old days when my boss would tell me what my goals were, and then my boss would evaluate my job performance. I’ll buy into all this self-evaluation bullshit when I also get to determine my own raise. Until then it’s just management making me do their work for them and calling it “empowerment.” ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677/31 "2011-01-11T20:16:24Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Not in my experience. I work for a consulting firm, and bonuses and such depend primarily on how many hours you bill, or manage, if at a more senior level. But these occupy a very small part of the annual review form. They’re a couple of lines out of about 50. But they’re the ones that count. The rest is stuff dreamed up by HR people. The HR people might take them seriously. But the HR have zero impact over bonuses and raises. > > Other than the hard number part, the key is how much your boss likes you, as elsewhere. True way too often. However, I’ve been in performance reviews in departments where someone has worked for several managers, and actually had other managers standing up for him. In pretty much all places I’ve worked the second level manager runs the show, and it is really helpful to have other managers and your bosses boss know you. Especially if your manager is an idiot, bully or wimp. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goals-in-corporate-speak/566677.md?page=1)