# Gobear, what is up? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593 "2002-06-12T04:43:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/41 "2002-06-12T15:04:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\* > **Wring** , no, he did not quote my words. He wrote, "Then again, unlike gobears assertion, all gay men don’t pick up tricks and bring them home. " That is a paraphrase, not a quote, and it was inaccurate. \*\* and your words were > [@](#): > > So Scott Evil went home with a trick last night? So what? What gay man hasn’t done that it was only inaccurate in the sense that your original words did not convey your original meaning. the original poor choice of wording was yours. You got bent and demanded to know ‘where did I say that?’ and have continued to claim that your original words were misstated, misconstrued etc. IMHO, your words were not only definately open to **musicguys’** restatement, but I’d be hard pressed to see an alternative (even tho’ you’re giving one here) Your words were ambiguous, and you’ve gotten riled that people ‘misquoted’/ misunderstood what you meant. and are continuing to insist (here) that we’re somehow at fault for ‘misunderstanding’ your more than ambiguous words. this is nuts. Misunderstanding written words isn’t a new phenonmenon. What the hell is wrong (ever) with saying “I’m sorry, you misunderstand what I meant” ? Instead, you came out with guns blazing, calling him an idiot who couldn’t read, then when called to task about that reaction, get all defensive again, and finally , ‘well, if you insist I appologize, fine, dandy, anything else’ The more defensive you’re getting about this, the more I loose respect. Criminy. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/42 "2002-06-12T15:23:51Z")
I’m just amazed that apparently the sex drive of a gay man is much, much stronger than that of a straight man. I’ve had sexual relations with two women in my life – my ex-wife and my wife. I could no more engage in casual sex with someone I’d just met than fly to the moon by flapping my arms. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/43 "2002-06-12T15:25:15Z")
**Gobear** I would suggest that you stop trying to defend yourself regarding \*\* Music’s \*\* post because it is just not working for you… You other point about the “safe sex” comment really doesn’t belong here valid or not…there’s a couple of other threads devoted to that. Whatever pissed you off with other posters gives you NO right to take it out on another poster. To “quote” yourself incorreclty is a pretty weasally thing to do. You said what you said–try not to change it… > [@](#): > > My contention was that just every gay man, at least once, has given into lust and had casual sex has changed to… > [@](#): > > The vast majority of gay men have had casual sex at least once. That’s just a fact. cite please? has changed to > [@](#): > > his example means that casual sex is not part of gay men’s general experience, is to deny the truth. has changed to > [@](#): > > of a common experience that the majority of gay men have, in fact, had. backing down a bit? but then you say in your last post > [@](#): > > I said, “So Scott Evil went home with a trick last night? So what? What gay man hasn’t done that?” It is not the same as saying that every gay man, without exception, engages in casual sex. But **Gobear** you sid earlier that “My contention was that just every gay man, at least once, has given into lust and had casual sex” So you admitted that it WAS you ealrier meaning before you got your ass handed to you. Back down from this one…continue the “safe sex” debate, but you lost this one–apologize without reservation… ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/44 "2002-06-12T15:55:50Z")
> [@](#): > > The more defensive you’re getting about this, the more I loose respect. No, it’s called being stubborn, which I am in spades. And I think I can bear up if you lose respect for me. > [@](#): > > Instead, you came out with guns blazing, calling him an idiot who couldn’t read, then when called to task about that reaction, get all defensive again, and finally , ‘well, if you insist I appologize, fine, dandy, anything else’ I apologized, I was wrong. Sorry if you didn’t approve of my tone. What do you want, tears? So now **Polycarp** et al. want more apologies. For insulting **Musicguy**? Done. I have question for those of you who insist that most gay men don’t engage in casual sex at least in some point in their lives? What on Earth do you think men go to gay bars? What about online, as in [gay.com](http://gay.com) chatrooms? What about P Street Beach and Roosevelt Island in DC? What about the Crew Club in DC, or the Club Body Works chain in many cities? Are there exceptions? Of course, there are always exceptions. Are all gay men promiscuous? No. I, for example, am happily monogamous and have been for a year, but that doesn’t mean I always was or will be. Do I think most gay men screw around at some point in their lives? Yes. (Don’t call me a weasel.) Do I think that’s true foe everybody, without exception. No, as I said, and I hope you people can remeber this–THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONSl sex is “bad” No. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/45 "2002-06-12T15:58:07Z")
We’ve got as much chance of seeing a sincere apology from gobear as we do of seeing wildest bill invited back as a moderator. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/46 "2002-06-12T16:07:39Z")
Echokitty said, "You talk like you’re SO DIFFERENT from the rest of the population. Well, women have been sexually repressed for a long time too, and you don’t hear us making generalizations and assumptions about casual sex, frequency, or any of it. " Then Gobear said: "Echokitty, you need to adjust your dosage, sugar. Any issues you may have as a woman are not germane here. " I was merely trying to illustrate that you (as a gay guy) aren’t as different (from a sexuality standpoint) from the rest of the population as you might like to think you are. Your generalization about gays and promiscuity (err…casual sex) may be true in the circles YOU run in, but most of the gay people I know are not into one-night stands. In fact, most of them have been involved in only exclusive relationships. Musicguy is by no means the Lone Ranger here. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/47 "2002-06-12T16:12:43Z")
> [@](#): > > The more defensive you’re getting about this, the more I loose respect. No, it’s called being stubborn, which I am in spades. And I think I can bear up if you lose respect for me. > [@](#): > > Instead, you came out with guns blazing, calling him an idiot who couldn’t read, then when called to task about that reaction, get all defensive again, and finally , ‘well, if you insist I appologize, fine, dandy, anything else’ I apologized, I was wrong. Sorry if you didn’t approve of my tone. What do you want, tears? So now **Polycarp** et al. want more apologies. For insulting **Musicguy**? Done. I have question for those of you who insist that most gay men don’t engage in casual sex at least in some point in their lives: Why on Earth do you think men go to gay bars? What about online, as in [gay.com](http://gay.com) chatrooms? What about P Street Beach and Roosevelt Island in DC? What about the Crew Club in DC, or the Club Body Works chain in many cities? What about the three guys doing a three-way J/o on the deck at the Eagle last Saturday night? And the two couples next to them? tricking is a reality in gay life. Not everybody does it, but many, many, many more do than don’t. Are there exceptions? Of course, there are always exceptions. Are all gay men promiscuous? No. I, for example, am happily monogamous and have been for a year, but that doesn’t mean I always was or will be. Do I think most gay men screw around at some point in their lives? Yes. (Don’t call me a weasel.) Do I think that’s true for everybody, without exception? No, as I said, and I hope you people can remember this–THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS! **Musicguy** , Fr. Judge, and any other gay people you can think of are excluded from any generalizatrions I make. Hate to break it you **Polycarp, Wring, BottleblondJeanie** , et al., but none of you are gay. None of you live as gay men. None of you live in the gay world. You don’t know what you’re talking about on the topic of casual sex vis-a-vis gay men. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/48 "2002-06-12T16:18:55Z")
> [@](#): > > We’ve got as much chance of seeing a sincere apology from gobear as we do of seeing wildest bill invited back as a moderator. I did apologize to **Musicguy** quite sincerely, so you can shut up now. To apologize for anything else would be a lie. I cannont, in good conscience, apologize if I believe, as I do here, that my observations are correct. > [@](#): > > Your generalization about gays and promiscuity (err…casual sex) may be true in the circles YOU run in, but most of the gay people I know are not into one-night stands. In fact, most of them have been involved in only exclusive relationships. Musicguy is by no means the Lone Ranger here. Well, I can’t argue here. If you really know every detail of their lives, and that they have never had sex outside a relationship, more power to them. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/49 "2002-06-12T16:24:19Z")
It’s a gay thing. You wouldn’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/50 "2002-06-12T16:25:20Z")
Thank you. Your stubbornness here is your hallmark. You apologized, and several times too. Moving on… ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/51 "2002-06-12T16:26:05Z")
Stand back, because I have to agree with Bottle Blonde Jeanie. 😃 gobear’s position has changed a thousand fold from post one to his last one. First he suggests (snarky or not) that musicguy should be put in a museum (har har) for not engaging in casual sex. Whether that was mean or not, it implied that he is a rarity of the highest degree. And now, his last post it’s: > [@](#): > > Not everybody does it, but many, many, many more do than don’t. interesting. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/52 "2002-06-12T16:36:17Z")
I really do apologize if I have hurt any of y’all’s feelings. I have hugs and kind thoughts for everyone here, and this is a disagreement, nothing more. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/53 "2002-06-12T16:45:20Z")
My God **Jar** isn’t that like a sign of the coming apocalypse or something? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/54 "2002-06-12T16:49:42Z")
> [@](#): > > First he suggests (snarky or not) that musicguy should be put in a museum (har har) for not engaging in casual sex. Whether that was mean or not, it implied that he is a rarity of the highest degree. **Jarbaby** , it’s called “sarcasm.” I was being mean and petty. Reading literal meaning into that is a tad silly. My second comment that you quoted is what I, in my heart of hearts, really do believe. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/55 "2002-06-12T16:55:22Z")
OK, FINE! **I’m a slut!** Are you all HAPPY now? _{goes off and cries in a corner}_ Esprix ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/56 "2002-06-12T17:16:48Z")
Wow, when I woke up this morning, I didn’t expect to see this kind of response. I want to thank everyone for their support. **esprix** , thanks for the link, it was very helpful. **gobear** , I respect you as a poster and generally enjoy your posts. I called you on your comments because I felt that you were out of line, and well… deserved it. This does not mean that I don’t understand your position or your frustration. To be honest, I haven’t been exposed to the same frequency of AIDS advice that you and the other gay posters have. I understand that it must get quite old. I guess I just choose to believe that peoples intentions are good unless proved otherwise. I don’t care to hold a grudge and truly hope that I haven’t alienated anyone by giving the impression that I look down on people that have casual sex. I respect that you have a right to live your life anyway that makes you happy. Please do the same for me and we will get along fine. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/57 "2002-06-12T17:31:53Z")
And your apology is accepted in case I didn’t make that clear. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/58 "2002-06-12T17:33:09Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t care to hold a grudge and truly hope that I haven’t alienated anyone by giving the impression that I look down on people that have casual sex. I respect that you have a right to live your life anyway that makes you happy. Please do the same for me and we will get along fine. Cool. I absolutely support your right to live your life according to your own dictates. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/59 "2002-06-12T17:42:48Z")
And your apology is accepted in case I didn’t make that clear. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593/60 "2002-06-12T18:11:54Z")
_sniff_ God that’s beautiful. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gobear-what-is-up/113593.md?page=4)