# God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842 "2001-09-26T02:08:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chickenhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Chickenhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chickenhead)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/1 "2001-09-26T02:08:58Z")
[http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/god\_clarifies\_dont\_kill.html](http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/god_clarifies_dont_kill.html) Good job, Onion. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/2 "2001-09-26T02:12:46Z")
Dammit, God is right! ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/3 "2001-09-26T02:20:43Z")
Yeah. I dig it. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/4 "2001-09-26T02:29:28Z")
I just got over from reading the Onion, and I think they did a terrific job this week. Well done, Onion-men! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/5 "2001-09-26T02:33:56Z")
You tell 'em, Big Guy! ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/6 "2001-09-26T02:37:09Z")
The phrase “and God wept”, reminds me of something which was written in one of the condolence books at another tragedy (a school bombing, from memory) “God’s heart was the first to break…” - as apt now, as it was then. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/7 "2001-09-26T02:39:24Z")
Nicely done. ::::: applause for the Onion ::::: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/8 "2001-09-26T02:45:24Z")
**LifeOnWry** , you’ve been onboard here for–what is it?–two weeks and you already broke 250 posts. AND I haven’t wanted to punch you yet. I’m impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/9 "2001-09-26T02:47:06Z")
I’d become a little bored with _The Onion_, but I’ll have to say that was good. I just emailed it to my 84 year old Xian Mom. She’ll like it. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/10 "2001-09-26T03:01:41Z")
**beatle** - your Mom’s in China??? ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/11 "2001-09-26T03:36:55Z")
It was awesome. Check out my new sig. –John ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/12 "2001-09-26T04:07:34Z")
[/quote] [Hijackers Surprised to Find Themselves in Hell](http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/hijackers_surprised.html) JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na’ar, Islam’s Hell. [/quote] So there. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/13 "2001-09-26T04:15:12Z")
I don’t have the link handy, but there was a MPSIMS thread where we all made our own Onion-style headlines. Few if any people chastised us for being cruel. And now I must say this is the best Onion since the Election. Great job! ---
**Author:** ![Rossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@Rossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossarian)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/14 "2001-09-26T04:25:03Z")
Wow, I think Onion offended me less than the MPSIMS headlines did. 🙂 Of course, I lauged more at the MPSIMS headlines, too. In fact, the creepy thing was that they were seriously making points. Maybe they always do and I don’t notice, but the article about the Jerry Bruckheimer film had that picture of the debris billowing through the NY “canyons” and the whole unreality of it all came back. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/15 "2001-09-26T04:32:38Z")
I wondered how the Onion would handle this, and I think they did a spectacular job. I laughed out loud at their “Holy Fucking Shit” logo. Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/16 "2001-09-26T04:33:04Z")
> [@](#): > > In fact, the creepy thing was that they were seriously making points. And that, to me, is the beauty of the Onion; it’s what happens when they’re really _on_. Reductio ad absurdums as a telling artform–one of my clearest memories of Our Dumb Century (well, aside from the “Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!” transcript, which nearly made me pee myself the first time I read it) was a bit on the developing Reagan-over-Carter landslide, featuring respective photos of them, with the captions (paraphrased): “Carter: Let’s talk better gas mileage. Reagan: Kill the bastards! Which will America choose?” I think what I’ll carry from this week’s issue the longest is the graphic for “U.S. vows to defeat whoever it is we’re at war with,” the map of the earth. Legend of “possible locations” and “confirmed locations of the terrorists”, the map of course consisting solely of the former. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/17 "2001-09-26T04:35:31Z")
My favourite part of this week’s Onion was the “Talking to your kids” part. It’s a dead serious, quickie history-and-current-affairs lesson on what happened. Not a joke in it. Very classy. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/18 "2001-09-26T04:35:38Z")
Rossarian, I think _The Onion_ has been “making points” for years about a lot things. Yeah, an outstanding job in general, I thought, and [“American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie”](http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/american_life_turns_into.html) was especially good. ---
**Author:** ![Rossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@Rossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossarian)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/19 "2001-09-26T04:43:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > **Rossarian, I think _The Onion_ has been “making points” for years about a lot things.** I’ve never read it much, but I guess when I did, it was always just looking for a good laugh. And when they are making points about they morons of the world like Jerry Falwell, it just registers as funny instead of deep, since I already think those kind of people are messed up. Suppose I’ll pay more attention now. But I refused to believe there is much point to Herbert Kornfield. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842/20 "2001-09-26T08:58:02Z")
Ah if only t’were true, t’would be t’werrific. I liked one of the ways they’re thinking about how to make America safer “U.S. maps re-drawn with thicker, bolder border.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule/83842.md?page=2)