# God Bless America is not the fucking national anthem! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856 "2011-10-07T02:40:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/41 "2011-10-07T18:22:59Z")
The one thing I’m confused about is: why play the national anthem (or any patriotic song) at ballgames in the first place ? I mean, we do it too, for international matches. Because then it’s not soccer, it’s WAR. But since your World Series only has American teams on it… ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/42 "2011-10-07T18:23:23Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > “God Bless America” is a great song to all but the aesthetically deformed > retard scrotebag segment of the population, and it fittingly serves as sort > of an unofficial alternative national anthem for the rest of us who are normal. > > So, if you don’t like to see people remove their hats when it is played, > tough shit and fuck off. And if you don’t like to see people to put thier hands > over their hearts and stand still when it is played, tough shit and fuck off, > you asshole. You can wait a few more minutes for your goddam beer, > and if you can shit your britches while you’re at it I want THIS to be our national anthem. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/43 "2011-10-07T19:24:34Z")
Well, here’s a first draft: God Bless America Is a great song. The pathetic Say “unaesthetic” But fuck those traitor’s asses all night long. So take your hat off Or you can fuck off Back to Russia Where you belong! God Bless America! Is the bestest song! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/44 "2011-10-07T19:27:32Z")
LOL, needs more typos and cowbell. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/45 "2011-10-07T19:41:47Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > “God Bless America” is a great song to all but the aesthetically deformed > retard scrotebag segment of the population, and it fittingly serves as sort > of an unofficial alternative national anthem for the rest of us who are normal. > > So, if you don’t like to see people remove their hats when it is played, > tough shit and fuck off. And if you don’t like to see people to put thier hands > over their hearts and stand still when it is played, tough shit and fuck off, > you asshole. You can wait a few more minutes for your goddam beer, > and if you can shit your britches while you’re at it I’m waiting with bated breath for you to finish this sentence. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/46 "2011-10-07T19:50:47Z")
It’s a horrible damned song and I never stood up for it until going to Dodger games with my fiance because it would bother him if I didn’t and it’s not worth bothering him over. But if I were there by myself, I wouldn’t stand. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/47 "2011-10-07T19:54:12Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > The one thing I’m confused about is: why play the national anthem (or any patriotic song) at ballgames in the first place ? It started during World War I. And Americans are insecure, so we have to constantly show each other how American we are. Once one of these things gets started, there’s no stopping it. ---
**Author:** ![BigDadWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@BigDadWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigDadWolf)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/48 "2011-10-07T19:56:20Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > “Give EVERYBODY eat!” You tell 'em Major —— de Coverley! I too am tired of these petty loyalty oaths to prove I’m a good American. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/49 "2011-10-07T20:05:29Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > “God Bless America” is a great song to all but the aesthetically deformed > retard scrotebag segment of the population, and it fittingly serves as sort > of an unofficial alternative national anthem for the rest of us who are normal. > > So, if you don’t like to see people remove their hats when it is played, > tough shit and fuck off. And if you don’t like to see people to put thier hands > over their hearts and stand still when it is played, tough shit and fuck off, > you asshole. You can wait a few more minutes for your goddam beer, > and if you can shit your britches while you’re at it I am hereby announcing my membership in the retard scrotebag segment of the population. Thanks for helping me figure out where I belong. Just as long as I don’t have to stand for GBA. (And just as long as I don’t have to format my posts like you.) ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/50 "2011-10-07T20:13:42Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > But since your World Series only has American teams on it… Why you gotta hate on Canada? ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/51 "2011-10-07T20:34:26Z")
The whole concept of a mandated “national anthem” is scary, and it’s equally scary to have sports arena announcers create ad hoc an atmosphere of “join us or die” during an event. You can try to sit through it and deal with the narrowed eyes and scowls all around you, and maybe later when the drunken loudmouthed beerbelly behind you dumps his leftover nachos in your hair it was just an “accident.” You can hear the muttering and snide comments, and at one point I even heard outright muttered threats, one time an actual death threat. Just like Jesus would have done, if he had been American! Old people are almost as bad - all of a sudden they get full of piss and vinegar, not having really done anything worthwhile in their lives, and they stand before you, stinking of Old Spice and human outrage, to wave a finger in your face to tell you “Look here missy, OUR SAINTED BOYS IN THE MILITARY DIED FOR YOU…” and similar claptrap. At least you don’t expect them to take a swing at you. You can’t win an argument with them; past age 70 the ability to reason and change one’s mind is irretrievably lost for almost everyone. So yes, I stand like an idiot and look at the God of cloth on the pole and try to send my mind to a better place - sometimes I review exciting spreadsheets I’ve worked with - because to do otherwise, especially when you’re in a place which is off the CCW list, is too hazardous. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/52 "2011-10-07T21:03:42Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Just like Jesus would have done, if he had been American! What’s this “if” bullshit? :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/53 "2011-10-07T21:13:47Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > What’s this “if” bullshit? > > :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: Jesus rode a stegosaurus. Unless he was a Native American, he’s not American. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/54 "2011-10-07T21:22:16Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > Can the OP clarify, as a furry foragna, I have lost touch with which things Americans are supposed to turn off their brains for and stand touching their nipples. Pledge of Alligence, Star Spangled Banner and porn. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/55 "2011-10-07T21:24:28Z")
You know, I recently read a historical mystery, _Dead and Buried_ by Barbara Hambly (who has a Master’s in History and researches the _shit_ out of her stories) in which the main character was working a second job by playing piano in a whorehouse. At some point, a fight broke out among the patrons, and he immediately began playing the chorus to “Anacreon in Heaven” (the original tune for “The Star Spangled Banner”) because that was, apparently, the song all the whorehouse piano players used to get the bouncers to break up the violence. So while the lyrics make a decent, if pedestrian, poem, and the melody is insanely difficult for those without vocal training, at least it got played in whorehouses to break up fights between the johns. Not every country can say that, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/56 "2011-10-07T21:30:02Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Jesus rode a stegosaurus. Unless he was a Native American, he’s not American. Didn’t Bush make him a citizen posthumously and give him the Medal of Freedom? eta: I think they’re making a new dollar coin with Jesus riding a stegosaurus on it, gunning down Arabs and Commies. pps: Is that post-posthumously or ex-posthumously, or something? Not sure how that would work… ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/57 "2011-10-07T21:31:08Z")
(typos corrected by author) > [@colonial](#): > > “God Bless America” is a great song to all but the aesthetically deformed > retard scrotebag segment of the population, and it fittingly serves as sort > of an unofficial alternative national anthem for the rest of us who are normal. > > So, if you don’t like to see people remove their hats when it is played, > tough shit and fuck off. And if you don’t like to see people to put their hands > over their hearts and stand still when it is played, tough shit and fuck off, > you asshole. You can wait a few more minutes for your goddam beer, > and you can shit your britches while you’re at it. > [@madmonk28](#): > > I want THIS to be our national anthem. Thanks, but we are well served by what we already have. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/58 "2011-10-07T21:33:07Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > I’m waiting with bated breath for you to finish this sentence. See post #57. ---
**Author:** ![colonial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@colonial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colonial)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/59 "2011-10-07T21:38:10Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I am hereby announcing my membership in the retard scrotebag segment of the population. You said it, I didn’t. > [@kayT](#): > > Thanks for helping me figure out where I belong. YVW. > [@kayT](#): > > Just as long as I don’t have to stand for GBA. Suit yourself. > [@kayT](#): > > (And just as long as I don’t have to format my posts like you.) Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856/60 "2011-10-07T21:41:03Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Thanks, but we are well served by what we already have. So, then we really don’t need an unofficial alternative national anthem, right? CMC fnord! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-bless-america-is-not-the-fucking-national-anthem/598856.md?page=4)