# God hates the fag King James Bible
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [August 21, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215 "2009-08-21T16:55:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/1 "2009-08-21T16:55:25Z")
Guess what, all of you anti-gay fanatics and Bible-thumping morons? Your Bible is a fag bible, created by a [fag king.](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dc/James_I%2C_VI_by_John_de_Critz%2C_c.1606..png) (If that isn’t a fag king, I don’t know what is a fag king.) Yes, King James was a fag. He loved nothing more than to fuck his young, handsome male servants and courtiers. He fucked Robert Carr, who was his “gentleman of the bedchamber” (FAG!) but his greatest love was George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buttfuckingham, er, I mean Buckingham. He wrote letters to him containing passages like this one (seriously) :
> [@](#):
>
> “I desire only to live in this world for your sake… I had rather live banished in any part of the Earth with you than live a sorrowful widow’s life without you… God bless you, my sweet child and wife, and grant that ye may ever be a comfort to your dear dad and husband”.
Sweet child and wife? Dear dad and husband? Looks like there was more than just a FAG relationship going on there, but also a leather-daddy thing too. Praise Jesus! God bless the King James Bible!
There was even apparently a secret hidden passage that was recently discovered, linking the bedrooms of the King and his boy-toy, in the country-house in which the two of them lived together. It was widely known even in the fag king’s own day that he spent far more time with his male homosexual lovers than with his own wife. A contemporary poet, Théophile de Viau remarked:
> [@](#):
>
> “Apollo with his songs / debauched young Hyacinthus…And it is well known that the king of England / fucks the Duke of Buckingham.”
And yet…James "adopted a severe stance towards sodomy using English law. His book on kingship, Basilikón Dōron, (Greek for “Royal Gift”) lists sodomy among those “horrible crimes which ye are bound in conscience never to forgive”. He also singled out sodomy in a letter to Lord Burleigh giving directives that Judges were to interpret the law broadly and were not to issue any pardons, saying that “no more colour may be left to judges to work upon their wits in that point.”
For God’s sake, he wasn’t just a fag, he was a closeted fag.
You guys are going to have to come up with a new bible. Maybe the Fred Phelps Version?
note - I obviously don’t have anything against gays…my use of the term “fag” here is just a takeoff of asshole Fred Phelps’s obsession with the word
---
### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/2 "2009-08-21T16:59:37Z")
You know … I don’t think I ever bothered to learn exactly why there’s a King James version of the bible in the first place. Anyone want to school me? Or do I have to go Wiki on my own ass?
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/3 "2009-08-21T17:07:00Z")
James was hoping to blunt Puritan opposition to the establishment Anglican church and the previous English translations that that church was using. In this he was successful to a considerable degree.
As for the OP - being Catholic, this is a translation I consult because it is a magnificent and influential work of literature whose influence cannot be downplayed. I don’t depend on it for theological truth or accuracy.
---
### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/4 "2009-08-21T17:11:25Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#):
>
> [fag king.](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dc/James_I%2C_VI_by_John_de_Critz%2C_c.1606..png) (If that isn’t a fag king, I don’t know what is a fag king.)
Maybe [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:James_I_by_Paul_van_Somer.jpg), or how about [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:James_VI_of_Scotland_aged_20,_1586..jpg)?
---
### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/5 "2009-08-21T17:25:06Z")
Where’s there always [this guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_II). He doesn’t have his own Bible, though.
😉
---
### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/6 "2009-08-21T17:26:26Z")
This guy became King James VI of Scotland at the age of 13 months when his mother (Mary, Queen of Scots) was forced to abdicate through various scandals (including the rumour that her new husband had murdered her former husband, the father of James VI). When you become king before you can talk, amid rumours that your mother’s lover/husband was involved in the murder of your father, you can be excused for being a little unbalanced mentally. James VI and I seems to have done very well, considering all that.
---
### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/7 "2009-08-21T17:38:44Z")
Well, other than that whole oppressing the Catholics thing.
\*Remember, remember
The Fifth of November
Gunpower, treason & plot
I see no reason
Why gunpowder & treason
Should ever be forgot\*
---
### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/8 "2009-08-21T17:41:36Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#):
>
> Well, other than that whole oppressing the Catholics thing.
>
> _Remember, remember
> The Fifth of November
> Gunpower, treason & plot …_
Did he do anything more in that direction than his cousin and predecessor Queen Elizabeth? And (my possible ancestor) Guy Fawkes was not executed for being a Catholic: he was executed for trying to blow Parliament up.
---
### Author:  [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/9 "2009-08-21T17:44:34Z")
King James didn’t write the King James Bible, you ignorant troll.
Other than a better translation, with much better Shakespeare-like language, there’s not a lot of difference between it and the Bishops Bible.
And, there’s not much difference, other than modern language, between the KJV and later translations.
You sound like a homophobe yourself. I think you protest too much.
---
### Author:  [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/10 "2009-08-21T17:53:53Z")
> [@DrDeth](#):
>
> King James didn’t write the King James Bible, you ignorant troll.
>
> Other than a better translation, with much better Shakespeare-like language, there’s not a lot of difference between it and the Bishops Bible.
>
> And, there’s not much difference, other than modern language, between the KJV and later translations.
> You sound like a homophobe yourself. I think you protest too much.
WTF?!
---
### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/11 "2009-08-21T17:57:06Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#):
>
> Well, other than that whole oppressing the Catholics thing.
And encouraging witch-hunters.
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/12 "2009-08-21T17:58:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “Apollo with his songs / debauched young Hyacinthus…And it is well known that the king of England / fucks the Duke of Buckingham.”
Nice rhyme scheme.
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/13 "2009-08-21T18:07:57Z")
I’m no historian I would not be at all surprised to find that this was a common rumor spread about public figures. Anyway, it wouldn’t diminish the value of the translation James comissioned. God works in mysterious gays.
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/14 "2009-08-21T18:11:48Z")
Well, this sort of thing happens even in the best families…
---
### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/15 "2009-08-21T18:12:20Z")
> [@Johnny\_Angel](#):
>
> God works in mysterious gays.
And, if there were a god, She would punish you for that terrible pun.
---
### Author:  [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/16 "2009-08-21T18:12:39Z")
> [@Johnny\_Angel](#):
>
> … Anyway, it wouldn’t diminish the value of the translation James comissioned. God works in mysterious gays.
May I ask for a unanimous vote here? I believe Johnny has just won the Internet.
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/17 "2009-08-21T18:14:42Z")
Might as well, can’t find a rope anyway.
---
### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/18 "2009-08-21T18:15:59Z")
> [@Ogre](#):
>
> WTF?!
**DrDeth** has a well-documented history of being entirely unable to recognize sarcasm. At one point, he was suggesting a ban on anyone who “whooshed” another poster.
And no, I’m not kidding.
---
### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/19 "2009-08-21T18:18:01Z")
Then presently the boards rose up in anger, and spake in rage, saying,
\*"Blow it out thine ass, and from thy fundament propel it.
For thy words darken understanding, and thy privy member be no larger than a flea’s.
Small are thy stones, and softly effeminate the ways of thine affections.
Thy mother doth suck off sailors, and she who gave thee birth fellates those who go down to the sea.
Get thee hence to thy basement, and to the dwelling of thy parents return.
For thou dost offend to my nostrils, and the stink of thy loins the Most High.
For the wisdom of the wise is that those who do utter most oft of “fag” be those who secretly long to be thereof."\*
Let all the congregation say Amen, Amen.
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215/20 "2009-08-21T18:19:24Z")
Rum, sodomy, and the lash: pick two.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-hates-the-fag-king-james-bible/507215.md?page=2)