# God is like... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 23, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562 "2000-07-23T18:52:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/1 "2000-07-23T18:52:56Z")
OK, this is going to get my butt toasted, but I just received [http://www.eakles.com/god\_is\_like.html](http://www.eakles.com/god_is_like.html) in my e-mail today for the umpteenth time. It’s kinda cute, I guess, but later, while washing dishes, my infernal mind got to wandering and I began thinking of non sequiters like… God is like… Palmolive. You’re soaking in him! Texaco. He gives you that 5 tank feeling! Meow Mix. Cats ask for him by name! What else can the Teeming Millions (those who don’t mind risking their eternal souls for a little goofy fun) come up with? ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/2 "2000-07-23T18:58:37Z")
…a woman on the phone. You talk to her but you don’t know if she’s listening. …a woman with her legs firmly crossed. You fall on your knees praying to get in. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/3 "2000-07-23T20:01:44Z")
Those make too much sense, Chief 😉 God is like… Motrin ib: He’s little. Yellow. Different. 1-800-Collect: He saves you a buck or two. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/4 "2000-07-23T20:20:01Z")
…warm apple pie. Oh, wait, that’s something else. ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/5 "2000-07-23T21:25:43Z")
God is like a mop. Go see the movie UHF for a reference. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/6 "2000-07-23T21:52:19Z")
God is like… A shoe, he only works if you wear him on your foot. ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/7 "2000-07-23T22:45:43Z")
God is like a lawyer with morals. (I’ll leave the rest to the reader…) ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/8 "2000-07-23T23:15:57Z")
Oxygen? Umm, no, guess that’s not it…I think that was love. Damn. Besides, I don’t breath God at all… ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/9 "2000-07-23T23:41:41Z")
The link I posted is to a web site that features a piece of glurge using popular advertising slogans to describe God (for example, “God is a little like Bayer Aspirin: He works wonders. God is a little like Hallmark Cards: He cared enough to send the very best. God is a little like Tide: He gets out the stains that others leave behind.”) In response, I was being snotty and making up irreverant non-sequitors that don’t mean anything (or at least paint a portrait of a very peculiar diety). I’m having trouble of thinking of any that aren’t actually glurge worthy at the moment, though. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/10 "2000-07-23T23:56:17Z")
Hope you weren’t referring to my post there…I was hoping to be vaguely witty ::sigh:: Actually went to the site, it creeped me out, so I left. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/11 "2000-07-24T00:00:51Z")
It’s all right. I guess things that are vaguely amusing while one is washing dishes aren’t so on the message board 😉 (I had also considered: God is like Dawn–he takes grease out of your way.) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/12 "2000-07-24T03:00:25Z")
Watch the movie “Time Bandits”. ---
**Author:** ![tubagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@tubagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tubagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/13 "2000-07-24T03:21:24Z")
I am beyond sickened by this page. I can’t stand how normal adults can be reduced to the prose of an eight year old. **WAIT** that was my antipathy to my southern baptist upbringing rearing its ugly head again. excuse me ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/14 "2000-07-24T03:27:26Z")
God is like Spam, he comes covered in a jelly-like, preserving substance. Those little Vienna Sausages are also applicable. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/15 "2000-07-24T03:58:22Z")
God is like George Steinbrenner. He’ll send you back to the minors for the _tiniest_ little mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-is-like/26562/16 "2000-07-24T04:14:47Z")
Looking back, I feel I need to explain my pathetic attempt at humor further. I was shooting for “love is like oxygen”–you know, the song? It just was the first thing I thought of when I saw “God is like…” Not that I have anything against the religious (well, i sorta do), but it annoys me to be confused with one, having been a godless heathen for so long. BTW: …pimentos. You never understand why he’s put into certain dishes, especially salads.