# God vs. Elder Gods **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 30, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048 "2003-04-30T01:16:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/1 "2003-04-30T01:16:17Z")
Well, who’d win in a straight out brawl between God( Jack Chick style) and the entire pantheon of the lovecraft gods? Probably the latter, since they seem to be damnned powerful. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/2 "2003-04-30T01:29:37Z")
Of course, Jack Chick’s God would win, and only a godless heathen doomed to roast in the fires of hell would even suggest otherwise. The Elder Gods have no son!!! ---
**Author:** ![Naz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@Naz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naz)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/3 "2003-04-30T02:30:32Z")
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn… All hail mighty Cthulhu! ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/4 "2003-04-30T02:45:36Z")
“The Elder Gods have no son.” Of course they do. The two Wattley boys. And their followers get two Easters. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/5 "2003-04-30T03:12:39Z")
Blake: The Whateleys (need to watch that spelling, heathen) cannot redeem your soul. Only Jesus can do that. Repent, sinner, or you will burn in the fiery pits of Hell. Only God has a son that came back from the dead!!! ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/6 "2003-04-30T03:51:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Naz \* > \*\*Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn… > > All hail mighty Cthulhu! \*\* Thank you very much 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Arcana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aca169/32.png) [@Arcana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcana)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/7 "2003-04-30T04:02:16Z")
for Homeland Security chief. Why pick the lesser of two evils? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/8 "2003-04-30T04:08:51Z")
I’d give it to Cthulhu in a heartbeat. Frankly, the Christian God just isn’t much. Not only could Cthulhu take him, but I think Silver Surfer could whip him pretty easily. And frankly, Superman has it all over the Christian God in terms of mythos … just think of it, a son whose father dies … **along with his ENTIRE race** … just so he can come to Earth and save humans from the consequences of their foolishness. No, I think the Christian God could PROBABLY take out Wolverine from X-Men (though not Storm) and he could probably beat Batman. I am SO going to hell! ---
**Author:** ![Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/9 "2003-04-30T05:31:11Z")
Okay, but who would win: Jesus or an Imperial Star Destroyer? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/10 "2003-04-30T07:00:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Arcana_ > Why pick the lesser of two evils? _Settle_. Why _settle_ for the lesser evil? ---
**Author:** ![pcarney](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ea5d25/32.png) [@pcarney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pcarney)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/11 "2003-04-30T12:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arcana \* > \*\*for Homeland Security chief. > > Why pick the lesser of two evils? \*\* Thanks, Arcana…someone in my office asked why I was laughing so hard…then gave me a strange look when I explained. And so now I’m even more alienated from my co-workers…it so cold here, and so lonely… ---
**Author:** ![dr\_hermes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dfb087/32.png) [@dr\_hermes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dr_hermes)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/12 "2003-04-30T14:39:12Z")
Welllll…the Great Old Ones were after all defeated and imprisoned at one time. Someone had to do it, and it sure wasn`t Merlin. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/13 "2003-04-30T16:52:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Evil Captor \* > **No, I think the Christian God could PROBABLY take out Wolverine from X-Men (though not Storm) and he could probably beat Batman.** No. Batman wins if he’s [prepared](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=179970). ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/14 "2003-04-30T19:31:43Z")
Y’all are forgetting about Bob! He’d win outright using his Slack and the Pipe of Many Dimensions! ---
**Author:** ![Gulo\_gulo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@Gulo\_gulo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gulo_gulo)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/15 "2003-04-30T21:14:43Z")
[What Would Cthulhu Do?](http://www.cafeshops.com/andysocial_wwcd) ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/16 "2003-04-30T21:25:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dr hermes \* > \*\*Welllll…the Great Old Ones were after all defeated and imprisoned at one time. Someone had to do it, and it sure wasn`t Merlin. \*\* We weren’t defeated and imprisoned, we just all decided to take naps for awhile. Really. I wouldn’t lie about this. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/17 "2003-04-30T22:17:03Z")
> [@](#): > > _**(Reuters) Arkham, Massachussetts:** The efforts of linguistic and religious scholars at Miskatonic University to make unspeakability accessible to a twenty-first century public have culminated in the release of the “American Standard Necronomicon.”_ > > _Project leader Dr. Norbert West expressed surprise at the condemnatory response from the international chthonic studies community. “The new translation is accurate in essence and in no way erodes the integrity of the original document – spiritually, academically, or squamously,” he insists. “The Necronomicon, remember, is a vernacular text and while the numerous literal interpretations that have escaped over the centuries are most certainly not to be dismissed, they simply do not convey the raw emotion of the author. Take for example the famous quote ‘Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!’, which editions even as modern as the Avon translation have incorporated intact. Ask yourself honestly: Could a layman reader truly grasp the complex layers of terror, devotion, and smugness in this scrap from a dead language? The answer, of course, is no. Hence the need for an ASN and its user-friendly paraphrase, ‘I have accepted Cthulhu as my own personal Saviour, HAW HAW!’”[…]_ But what about Jack Chick God and/or the Old Ones versus a giant Febreeze™-gun-wielding combining mecha which locomotes on a vast carpet of ninjas, and whose component robo-vehicles are piloted by President Lincoln, Mindless Green Hulk, Spider-Man, and Red Mage? Twink out. ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/18 "2003-04-30T23:35:43Z")
The elder gods would eat the mecha. Against god, when god sends them to hell, they would absorb the souls there and eat the wall of hell, and eat the angels there so they wouldn’t have to go through that again. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/19 "2003-05-01T00:17:54Z")
Silly question, we all know there is no such thing as **God( Jack Chick style)**. Now Lovecraft mythos vs’ the combined Hindu gods, that would be a cool fight. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048/20 "2003-05-01T02:26:19Z")
I would definitaly kick that upstart Shiva little punk ass. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/god-vs-elder-gods/172048.md?page=2)