# Goddammit holy shit a jalapeño burned my dick **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716 "2010-05-17T02:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/21 "2010-05-17T03:16:31Z")
I told you not to take the tabasco from that baby! ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/22 "2010-05-17T03:17:12Z")
> [@Indyellen](#): > > I just **know** I’m going to regret this, but I can’t help myself. Could the OP please explain, in not too much graphic detail, precisely how his dick and the Jalapeño pepper came to occupy the same space/time? Inquiring minds (OK, nosy Dopers) want to know. (I have ideas, but I prefer to get my information from the source.) Jalapenos have a tendency to secrete a sticky oil… which sticks to things. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/23 "2010-05-17T03:22:28Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > If a man chops jalapenos, and that man does not wash his hands thoroughly before urination, and the man holds his dick during urination, that man might find that his dick starts tingling. And burning. And BURNING!!!OMG BURNING!!! according to my husband. And it’s _much_ worse if you’ve been handling habaneros or Thai chiles. Also, it will kill the romantic mood if you happen to forget to wash your hands after handling chiles and get frisky with the SO. And if you get it on your contacts, it ain’t coming off. (And getting the contact out when your eye is spasming shut because of the capsaicin is another set of interesting challenges.) I know all these lessons all too well. Apparently, I’m a slow learner. ---
**Author:** ![Mooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooch)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/24 "2010-05-17T03:29:41Z")
Ok - the milk helped. It’s not like I haven’t chopped hot peppers before. What the hell? It’s like when is the last time I zipped that shit up? Like 7 years old? Oh well. The rice was good. It had better have been. I appreciate the tips, although after the Suave Incident I didn’t want to put dish soap on it. Unrelated: I may have a new kink. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/25 "2010-05-17T03:31:50Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Holy shit dude; major sympathy. And thanks for the heads-up (heh); this means I gotta update the list. > > Note to self. Please remember, do _not_ stick your dick in the… > > [ul] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li] **Jalapano pepper** [/li][/ul] > I’m sure I’m missing a few things, but this should keep me somewhat safe. Vacuum cleaner. Unless you have Attachment 21. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/26 "2010-05-17T03:33:51Z")
When I took horticulture in high school, our teacher told us about the time he was handling habaneros and then forgot to wash his hands before putting his contacts in. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/27 "2010-05-17T03:37:29Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Holy shit dude; major sympathy. And thanks for the heads-up (heh); this means I gotta update the list. > > Note to self. Please remember, do _not_ stick your dick in the… > > [ul] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li] **Jalapano pepper** [/li][/ul] > I’m sure I’m missing a few things, but this should keep me somewhat safe. Most of those things aren’t that bad all things considered. Vacuum cleaners and those whirlpool nozzles they that have on the side of pools are the really bad threats however especially if they turn on suddenly. I remember the worst one like it was hell on the 4th of July. I was in fifth grade and learned how to make cinnamon toothpicks by dipping them in vials of pure cinnamon oil that they sold at the local drug store for some reason. I was going on a trip with my best friend and his parents later that day and made up a strong batch to take in the car when I spilled some of the oil on my hands. One wiz later, I found myself naked rolling around in the sand in front of house with the garden hose on full blast. I think I blacked out for a while or at least dissociated from the pain. Thank god we lived in the country. I am breaking out in a cold sweat now just thinking about it. It took a full day for the pain to wear off and I can’t even smell artificial cinnamon candy even today without thinking about my poor weiner. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/28 "2010-05-17T03:38:58Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > It’s throbbing in the bad way now. Not in the good way. You fucker - you bastards don’t even hurt going in. > [@](#): > > I may have a new kink. I don’t want to know what you’re doing with those peppers… ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/29 "2010-05-17T03:51:19Z")
> [@Todderbob](#): > > Jalapenos have a tendency to secrete a sticky oil… which sticks to things. Oh, I get that part. I am also personally familiar with what happens with the accidental application of Tiger Balm to the sensitive mucous membranes in the female genital area… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/30 "2010-05-17T04:10:36Z")
I’m amused at the smart thinking there by the OP: Calamine Lotion; Dishwashing Soap; Milk were all suggested within the first 15 mins, and the OP had the awareness and presence of mind to go with the Prison Doc’s Advice for dealing with a burning penis. Chalk another W up for the Good Mercotan! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/31 "2010-05-17T04:13:34Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > I’m amused at the smart thinking there by the OP: > Calamine Lotion; Dishwashing Soap; Milk were all suggested within the first 15 mins, and the OP had the awareness and presence of mind to go with the Prison Doc’s Advice for dealing with a burning penis. > > Chalk another W up for the Good Mercotan! “Milk, it does a burning penis good” Now THATS an ad you’ll remember! ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/32 "2010-05-17T04:15:27Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > I’m amused at the smart thinking there by the OP: > Calamine Lotion; Dishwashing Soap; Milk were all suggested within the first 15 mins, and the OP had the awareness and presence of mind to go with the Prison Doc’s Advice for dealing with a burning penis. > > Chalk another W up for the Good Mercotan! I also suspect he’s seen the shampoo snake skin shedding effect more than once in his line of work. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/33 "2010-05-17T04:30:01Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > No, it’s not. He’s only listing the _bad_ things. Oh, so you’ve never heard that joke? Maybe the punchline will bring it back to mind: “Better send out for some oysters. That machine’s factory-set for four gallons.” ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/34 "2010-05-17T04:44:18Z")
This might be a good place to offer a public-service-announcement warning about something I learned back in college: Spicy spicy vindaloo at Indian restaurant with date + subsequent oral sex with date = Bad Idea. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/35 "2010-05-17T04:47:18Z")
> [@SCSimmons](#): > > Oh, so you’ve never heard that joke? Maybe the punchline will bring it back to mind: “Better send out for some oysters. That machine’s factory-set for four gallons.” So you’re one of those who needs oysters. :p:D ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/36 "2010-05-17T04:53:22Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > My husband also suggests this. When we were in high school, he had a job at the local pizza parlor, and one of his duties was chopping jalapenos for topping pizzas. He says, and I quote, “Don’t handle your pecker after handling peppers, unless you wash your hands well first.” You’re telling us that a pizza prepper panged his peppered pecker? If a pizza prepper pangs his peppered pecker, what’s the pack of pain relievers a peppered-peckered-pizza-prepper’d pick? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/37 "2010-05-17T05:24:26Z")
It’s commonly known that milk will neutralize the heat from hot peppers. Of course, it’s mostly when people DRINK it after eating hot food – not for washing your genitals. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/38 "2010-05-17T05:26:28Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Of course, it’s mostly when people DRINK it after eating hot food – not for washing your genitals. :smack: Now you tell me. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/39 "2010-05-17T05:27:15Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > Dipping in cold whole milk. BRB /joke: always wondered how you reload those things… /endjoke ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/40 "2010-05-17T05:43:46Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Prell does the same thing. > > Do they still make Prell? This was in the 70’s. > > As for the pepper pain, rub milk on it. The casein will help dissolve the capsaicin. I thought I was pretty well versed in masturbatory paraphernalia, but I’m stumped (heh) by this one. Why in the world does shampoo cause the skin on your dick to shed? I’m sure I’ve had it on mine in the process of taking a shower, and I’ve never felt a thing. Is this common knowledge that I have somehow missed?😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=3)