# Goddammit holy shit a jalapeño burned my dick **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716 "2010-05-17T02:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/41 "2010-05-17T05:51:10Z")
On topic, and not really SFW image: [![](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/Nekogami/Habanero-tan.gif) ](https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/Nekogami/Habanero-tan.gif) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/42 "2010-05-17T06:01:29Z")
> [@statsman1982](#): > > I thought I was pretty well versed in masturbatory paraphernalia, but I’m stumped (heh) by this one. Why in the world does shampoo cause the skin on your dick to shed? I’m sure I’ve had it on mine in the process of taking a shower, and I’ve never felt a thing. Is this common knowledge that I have somehow missed?😕 Maybe the OP’s Suave was the Extra-Strength Dandruff Formula. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/43 "2010-05-17T06:11:59Z")
Man I’m glad I opened this thread! I never knew how much risk I was in. Let’s see, I’m up to… Note to self. Please remember, do not stick your dick in the: [ul] [FONT=“Times New Roman”] [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li]Jalapano pepper[/li][li]Prell[/li][li]Automated Cow Milking (_WITHOUT_ checking the settings correctly or without a large supply of oysters)[/li][li]Emily Dickinson poetry[/li][li](Mashed potatoes, when at _that_ kind of party; unless it’s one of _those_ parties)[/li][li]The Snow Queen (or pretty much any Trudy Cooper character. Trudy, on the other hand…)[/li][li]Vacuum cleaner (without Attachment 21)[sup]\*[/sup][/li][li]Vat of cinnamon oil[/li][li]Tiger Balm[/li][li]Tigers[/li][li]Vindaloo,The Cat, Kryten, etc.[/li][/FONT] [/ul] [sup]\*Check Woot daily.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/44 "2010-05-17T06:24:15Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > Jalapeño pepper: “I burning your dong!” That’s just mean! (but I am laughing :)). ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/45 "2010-05-17T06:26:28Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > Dipping in cold whole milk. BRB [Daffy southern belle upon observing such a stunt] “Oh, I always wondered how y’all loaded those things!” [/DSBUOSAS] ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/46 "2010-05-17T07:35:05Z")
> [@Indyellen](#): > > Oh, I get that part. I am also personally familiar with what happens with the accidental application of Tiger Balm to the sensitive mucous membranes in the female genital area… :eek: Yeah, and if you’re dating a hippy-dippy treehugger, and she wants to dodge off the hiking trail and screw in the woods, be careful what plants you use your hands to push out of the way. Poison oak doesn’t show up for hours, so it can get _everywhere_. > [@statsman1982](#): > > I thought I was pretty well versed in masturbatory paraphernalia, but I’m stumped (heh) by this one. Why in the world does shampoo cause the skin on your dick to shed? I’m sure I’ve had it on mine in the process of taking a shower, and I’ve never felt a thing. Is this common knowledge that I have somehow missed?😕 Never had it shed, but if there’s something in the shampoo that’s even slightly irritative to your skin, rubbing it in that thoroughly to a sensitive area won’t work well. ---
**Author:** ![MsChilePepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@MsChilePepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsChilePepper)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/47 "2010-05-17T08:48:14Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > It’s not like I haven’t chopped hot peppers before. What the hell? Next time, if you don’t have a rubber or plastic glove handy, stick your non-knife-wielding hand inside a plastic bag and then chop the peppers. Throw it away afterward. Or maybe invest in a Slap-Chop. Vince says you’re gonna love his nuts, so … ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/48 "2010-05-17T11:39:28Z")
Alton Brown says that bleach causes the pepper oils to form an inert salt which is then easily washed away. I can see that you’re taken care of, but if this happens again you might try a dip in straight bleach followed by a gentle soaping. . . . What? Yes, I’m female, why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/49 "2010-05-17T12:00:59Z")
…adds Slap-Chop to the list. Looks at **MsChilePepper’s** name. Runs screaming from the room. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/50 "2010-05-17T13:04:23Z")
I have several unpleasant memories of bad romantic encounters after my sweetie indulged in his chilies. I can assure you the pain is much the same for girlparts. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/51 "2010-05-17T13:11:29Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > That native Alaskan women have certain physical characteristics that could be beneficial to a man in your situation. What physical characteristic is that? Am I missing an obvious joke? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/52 "2010-05-17T13:11:41Z")
> [@Miss\_Violaceous](#): > > Alton Brown says that bleach causes the pepper oils to form an inert salt which is then easily washed away. I can see that you’re taken care of, but if this happens again you might try a dip in straight bleach followed by a gentle soaping… This sounds like a good idea when your penis encounters anything or anyone at all unusual. Do they sell special Penis Bleach? (Band name!) ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/53 "2010-05-17T13:14:21Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Note to self. Please remember, do not stick your dick in the:[…] - [Pickle slicer](http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/slicer.300.html) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/54 "2010-05-17T13:18:26Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > As for the pepper pain, rub milk on it. Gee, and here I thought just taking a swig from the jug was objectionable. _“Milk sure is cold.” “Yeah, deep too.”_ Talk about your cereal killers. ---
**Author:** ![WotNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@WotNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WotNot)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/55 "2010-05-17T14:19:32Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Isn’t the thread title from an Emily Dickinson poem? Nothing so high-brow, I’m afraid. It was once a common sight along the highways of the US: GOD DAMN IT HOLY SHIT A JALAPEÑO BURNED MY DICK NEXT TIME TRY BURMA-SHAVE ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/56 "2010-05-17T14:25:21Z")
I don’t suppose they take threadspotting nominations for threads with vulgarity in the title? Otherwise, I think we have a champion. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/57 "2010-05-17T14:32:56Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > What physical characteristic is that? Am I missing an obvious joke? He was paraphrasing one of the many variations of the old marching song. _I don’t know but I’ve been told Eskimo pussy is mighty cold._ ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/58 "2010-05-17T14:48:10Z")
> [@WotNot](#): > > Nothing so high-brow, I’m afraid. It was once a common sight along the highways of the US: Now, I’m reading it more as a protest chant. I picture a bunch of folks holding signs and yelling outside of a Mexican restaurant… _“GOD DAMN IT! HOLY SHIT! A JALAPEÑO BURNED MY DICK!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/59 "2010-05-17T15:32:01Z")
> [@statsman1982](#): > > I thought I was pretty well versed in masturbatory paraphernalia, but I’m stumped (heh) by this one. Why in the world does shampoo cause the skin on your dick to shed? I’m sure I’ve had it on mine in the process of taking a shower, and I’ve never felt a thing. Is this common knowledge that I have somehow missed?😕 Just remember to wash it off right after and you’ll be fine. Fail to do so and you won’t be. Soap and shampoos are alkalis, and while they feel nice and silky, they do burn. ---
**Author:** ![Floater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@Floater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floater)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/60 "2010-05-17T15:39:15Z")
I don’t know if this little story will help you, but I will tell it anyway. A couple, friends of a cousin of mine, were cooking dinner. It fell upon him to chop up some piri-piri. While the stew was cooking they happened to indulge in some improvised family planning activities. She didn’t like the sensation in her nether regions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=4)