# Goddammit holy shit a jalapeño burned my dick **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716 "2010-05-17T02:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![bubba\_jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@bubba\_jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba_jr)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/81 "2010-05-18T03:37:06Z")
> [@FE3O4ENAIL](#): > > A man from New Mexico told me that the migrant workers who pick peppers have hand made copper tools hanging from their belts. One end has a hook to use on their zipper, and the other end a spoon like detail to scoop their penis out of their pants. With no place to wash they need to be able to answer a call of nature without touching their junk. I’m right in the dead nuts center of Chile country, and I’ve asked and asked and asked and I still can’t find out what that thing is, what its called, or even what it looks like. On the chile front, 4 incidences. 1. drunken night, walked home, made some chili(with an ‘I’, the brown stuff) with dried habanero powder, just a tiny little bit, scratched my nuts, started crying, rubbed my eye. Not good. Many hours in the shower, still crying. 2. Made some jalapeno meatloaf, naked, scratched my nuts… 3. a week later, touched some chile’s, touched the lady friends goodies… didn’t get any. 4. a week after that, ate some hot chile, ate the lady friend. Apparently capsasin (sp? the hot chile stuff) transfers well from tongue to vulva. Didn’t get any for a while, but not until after she got hers, then she got mad, I didn’t get mine. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/82 "2010-05-18T05:01:18Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > And Vacuum Cleaner… See post 43. Let me know if you find a good deal on Attachment 21. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/83 "2010-05-18T05:13:22Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Let me know if you find a good deal on Attachment 21. Is that the one with the spinner brushes? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/84 "2010-05-18T09:38:53Z")
> [@PoorYorick](#): > > Isn’t this the last line to Proust’s _Rememberance of Things Past_? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/85 "2010-05-18T10:00:31Z")
Add “Burma Shave” and it becomes a haiku. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/86 "2010-05-18T10:38:10Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Add “Burma Shave” and it becomes a haiku. Posts 55 and 78. It’s nice to see so much love for Burma Shave though. It’s a medium that deserves to be remembered. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/87 "2010-05-18T11:09:19Z")
I know that other people added Burma Shave, but 'twas I who pointed out that it made a haiku. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/88 "2010-05-18T13:42:55Z")
I was thinking “Dr. Seuss after a few beers”, myself. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/89 "2010-05-18T13:46:43Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > I was thinking “Dr. Seuss after a few beers”, myself. It is from his classic “Green Peppers and Glans” ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/90 "2010-05-18T16:57:33Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > Yeah, and if you’re dating a hippy-dippy treehugger, and she wants to dodge off the hiking trail and screw in the woods, be careful what plants you use your hands to push out of the way. Poison oak doesn’t show up for hours, so it can get _everywhere_. [Know Your Vines](http://xkcd.com/443/) ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/91 "2010-05-19T00:30:10Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Vacuum cleaner. Unless you have Attachment 21. You sure that isn’t attachment 34? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/92 "2010-05-19T00:37:19Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > It is from his classic “Green Peppers and Glans” Can’t breathe. Hahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Sudo\_Intellectual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sudo\_Intellectual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudo_Intellectual)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/93 "2010-05-19T22:04:18Z")
I had a very similar situation last week. Was making homemade Pico de Gallo. Lots of it. Very heavy on the Jalepeno. Washed my hands at least 3 or 4 times. But later that evening, I was feeling a little frisky and decided to um, take care of things myself. Took all of 4 seconds to not be in the mood anymore!! Oh god the Burning!! And not a story you can tell for sympathy because any time burning and crotch end are spoken in the same sentence you get that weird look. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/94 "2010-05-19T23:53:18Z")
> [@Sudo Intellectual](#): > > any time burning and crotch end are spoken in the same sentence you get that weird look. Oooh, around here, that sort of statement is viewed as a challenge. “When removing and _burning_ tree branches that are infested with parasites such as webworm, always put the branches in the fire _crotch end_ first.” 😛 (And yes, there really is a tree parasite called [webworm](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_webworm). I’m surprised that word hasn’t been taken over as an internet slang term.) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/95 "2010-05-20T02:41:06Z")
I’ve been there before (with different bits – AFTER I made a joke about just that happening to my friend while we prepared salsa), and the milk, it did nothing! Only time healed that wound. ---
**Author:** ![jimknaul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jimknaul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimknaul)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/96 "2013-10-16T03:36:34Z")
Thank you. I googled this within one minute of jalapeno dick burn. No one’s dick should have to go to hell. Thank you for posting this. Milk does the trick for your burning dick. And thank you jalapeno dick burn remedy poster. God bless you. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/97 "2013-10-16T03:42:16Z")
Jalapeno dick burn isn’t anywhere as bad as zombie dick burn. And milk doesn’t cure that. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/98 "2013-10-16T03:43:31Z")
zombie or no core that pepper and light up your life. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/99 "2013-10-16T03:50:35Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > **Goddammit holy shit a jalapeño burned my dick** [shrug] So don’t fuck them. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/100 "2013-10-16T04:19:01Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Holy shit dude; major sympathy. And thanks for the heads-up (heh); this means I gotta update the list. > > Note to self. Please remember, do _not_ stick your dick in the… > > [ul] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li] **Jalapano pepper** [/li][/ul] > I’m sure I’m missing a few things, but this should keep me somewhat safe. > [@Todderbob](#): > > Automated Cow Milking machine is missing from that list. Add [toaster](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=704348) now as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=6)