# Goddammit holy shit a jalapeño burned my dick **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716 "2010-05-17T02:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/101 "2013-10-16T04:20:35Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > What physical characteristic is that? Am I missing an obvious joke? I dunno, but I been told Eskimo pussy is mighty cold! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/102 "2013-10-16T04:23:53Z")
HE THE > [@WotNot](#): > > Nothing so high-brow, I’m afraid. It was once a common sight along the highways of the US: > > GOD DAMN IT > > HOLY SHIT > > A JALAPEÑO > > BURNED MY DICK > > NEXT TIME TRY > > BURMA-SHAVE The Burmese junta – Nasty thugs! Are dissing Ang Suu Kyii! We’ll help her out, Although it gets us Into World War Three! **Burma Save!** ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/103 "2013-10-16T04:36:20Z")
> [@jimknaul](#): > > Thank you. I googled this within one minute of jalapeno dick burn. No one’s dick should have to go to hell. Thank you for posting this. Milk does the trick for your burning dick. And thank you jalapeno dick burn remedy poster. God bless you. MILK DOES THE TRICK FOR YOUR BURNING DICK. ~ _Burma Shave._ ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/104 "2013-10-16T04:47:14Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Man I’m glad I opened this thread! I never knew how much risk I was in. > > Let’s see, I’m up to… > > Note to self. Please remember, do not stick your dick in the: > > [ul] > [FONT=“Times New Roman”] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li]Jalapano pepper[/li][li]Prell[/li][li]Automated Cow Milking (_WITHOUT_ checking the settings correctly or without a large supply of oysters)[/li][li]Emily Dickinson poetry[/li][li](Mashed potatoes, when at _that_ kind of party; unless it’s one of _those_ parties)[/li][li]The Snow Queen (or pretty much any Trudy Cooper character. Trudy, on the other hand…)[/li][li]Vacuum cleaner (without Attachment 21)[sup]\*[/sup][/li][li]Vat of cinnamon oil[/li][li]Tiger Balm[/li][li]Tigers[/li][li]Vindaloo,The Cat, Kryten, etc.[/li][/FONT] > [/ul] > [sup]\*Check Woot daily.[/sup] I realize this is three and a half years old, but after reading the OP, I might suggest adding “Icelandic Volcano” to the list. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/105 "2013-10-16T06:34:56Z")
The important thing is, if you are prone to hot pepper and penis related incidents, to PROPERLY LABEL the container of yogurt you use for aftercare. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/106 "2013-10-16T07:37:57Z")
This sounds like a job for some kind of penis beaker. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/107 "2013-10-16T08:34:19Z")
another one for **Rhythmdvl’s** list, taken from this board i think, is toothpaste. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/108 "2013-10-16T12:02:26Z")
> [@jimknaul](#): > > Thank you. I googled this within one minute of jalapeno dick burn. No one’s dick should have to go to hell. Thank you for posting this. Milk does the trick for your burning dick. And thank you jalapeno dick burn remedy poster. God bless you. Impressive debut post! ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/109 "2013-10-16T12:18:42Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > Jalapeno dick burn isn’t anywhere as bad as zombie dick burn. But it is one hell of a Mexican heavy metal band name. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/110 "2013-10-16T12:31:45Z")
I’d have thought yoghurt might work better than milk, owing to the consistency - it wouldn’t just run off - and so the soothing effect should last longer. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/111 "2013-10-16T12:49:46Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I’d have thought yoghurt might work better than milk, owing to the consistency - it wouldn’t just run off - and so the soothing effect should last longer. That makes sense but how do I benefit from “Fruit on the bottom!” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/112 "2013-10-16T13:25:18Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > That makes sense but how do I benefit from “Fruit on the bottom!” I got an email today with just the solution you need. Apparently it’s a ‘weird trick’ of some kind. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/113 "2013-10-16T13:58:39Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > That makes sense but how do I benefit from “Fruit on the bottom!” When the jalapeños work their way through your digestive system - that’s the time to put fruit on your bottom. I recommend watermelon. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/114 "2013-10-16T14:08:41Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Add [toaster](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=704348) now as well. And campstoves as well! ([http://www](http://www). imdb .com/title/ tt2042398/). ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/115 "2013-10-16T15:31:23Z")
> [@jimknaul](#): > > Thank you. I googled this within one minute of jalapeno dick burn. No one’s dick should have to go to hell. Thank you for posting this. Milk does the trick for your burning dick. And thank you jalapeno dick burn remedy poster. God bless you. The Straight Dope: Fighting In-your-pants; it’s taking more milk than we thought. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/116 "2013-10-16T15:48:59Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Man I’m glad I opened this thread! I never knew how much risk I was in. > > Let’s see, I’m up to… > > Note to self. Please remember, do not stick your dick in the: > > [ul] > [FONT=“Times New Roman”] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li]Jalapano pepper[/li][li]Prell[/li][li]Automated Cow Milking (_WITHOUT_ checking the settings correctly or without a large supply of oysters)[/li][li]Emily Dickinson poetry[/li][li](Mashed potatoes, when at _that_ kind of party; unless it’s one of _those_ parties)[/li][li]The Snow Queen (or pretty much any Trudy Cooper character. Trudy, on the other hand…)[/li][li]Vacuum cleaner (without Attachment 21)[sup]\*[/sup][/li][li]Vat of cinnamon oil[/li][li]Tiger Balm[/li][li]Tigers[/li][li]Vindaloo,The Cat, Kryten, etc.[/li][/FONT] > [/ul] > [sup]\*Check Woot daily.[/sup] Did anyone mention “toaster” yet? They should. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/117 "2013-10-16T15:54:36Z")
Post 100. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/118 "2013-10-16T16:14:41Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > That makes sense but how do I benefit from “Fruit on the bottom!” get it all the way in and wiggle from side to side. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/119 "2013-10-16T17:52:21Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Man I’m glad I opened this thread! I never knew how much risk I was in. > > Let’s see, I’m up to… > > Note to self. Please remember, do not stick your dick in the: > > [ul] > [FONT=“Times New Roman”] > [li]Crazy[/li][li]Lawnmower[/li][li]Fan[/li][li]Blender[/li][li]Fax machine[/li][li]Officer’s face[/li][li]Steam engine[/li][li]Jalapano pepper[/li][li]Prell[/li][li]Automated Cow Milking (_WITHOUT_ checking the settings correctly or without a large supply of oysters)[/li][li]Emily Dickinson poetry[/li][li](Mashed potatoes, when at _that_ kind of party; unless it’s one of _those_ parties)[/li][li]The Snow Queen (or pretty much any Trudy Cooper character. Trudy, on the other hand…)[/li][li]Vacuum cleaner (without Attachment 21)[sup]\*[/sup][/li][li]Vat of cinnamon oil[/li][li]Tiger Balm[/li][li]Tigers[/li][li]Vindaloo,The Cat, Kryten, etc.[/li][/FONT] > [/ul] > [sup]\*Check Woot daily.[/sup] [Hoover Dustette](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/914/whats-up-with-vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis). ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716/120 "2013-10-16T20:58:46Z")
> [@jimknaul](#): > > Thank you. I googled this within one minute of jalapeno dick burn. No one’s dick should have to go to hell. Thank you for posting this. Milk does the trick for your burning dick. And thank you jalapeno dick burn remedy poster. God bless you. Hello **jimknaul** and welcome to the Straight Dope! Glad you’re feeling better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddammit-holy-shit-a-jalapeno-burned-my-dick/539716.md?page=7)