# Goddamn CRAMPS! (Guys, this is about periods, you don't want to read) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 9, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845 "2005-01-09T04:50:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/41 "2005-01-10T15:53:54Z")
{{{{ **Indygirl** }}}} It’s OK, sweetie. The incisions are really, really tiny. General anesthetic is no fun, but it’s way, way better than letting it go and needing an emergency total hysterectomy because your adhesions have grown to the size of grapefruits and can’t be burned away (I’m looking at you, Mom!). You’ll need a day or so to rest up, and then you’ll be good as new. Better even, because it really does help with menstrual pain in so many women. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/42 "2005-01-10T16:01:13Z")
> [@soulburnz](#): > > Frankly I think the IBS cramps are worse, having had both types. > > The orgasm thing works because it releases endorphins. It works anytime during the whole cycle. YMMV of course. I get IBS AND menstrual cramps at the same fucking time! Talk about wanting to rip your internal organs out. In fact I am due any day now… fuck. I’m a big pussy. Sometimes I just lay on the couch and cry. I have heat pads that I put on my back and my tummy. It helps, but it’s not perfect. And I second the ibuprofen thing. I start taking it at the first hint that I may be getting my period and if I am diligent, it really lessens the severity. If they get really, really bad, I have to take three, and that usually knocks it right out, but it takes an hour or so to work. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/43 "2005-01-10T16:07:23Z")
> [@Proudest Monkey](#): > > Does anyone else get pain in the front of their upper thighs–it’s a whole abdomen to mid-thigh ache for me. And my cramps have become worse with age. Me! ME! I found that hot stone massage can also help. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/44 "2005-01-10T16:22:59Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I’m having a laparoscopy on Thursday so they can take a laser and burn off all my endometriosis and adhesions. So, not only am I in debilitating pain right now, I’m also nervous about going under, being sliced, etc. > > I could use a Valium and some Morphine. ☹ Just relax, hon. I’ve been under the knife _lots_ of times (and at least three more surgeries in the next year or two, one to take care of my fibroids). It is a little unsettling, but it’s not that bad. And afterward, if your doctor is any good, you _do_ get morphine! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/45 "2005-01-10T16:29:37Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > Just relax, hon. I’ve been under the knife _lots_ of times (and at least three more surgeries in the next year or two, one to take care of my fibroids). It is a little unsettling, but it’s not that bad. And afterward, if your doctor is any good, you _do_ get morphine! > 😉 Yeah, this is my fourth laparoscopy, so I know the routine. It still makes me nervous though. Thanks for the support. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/46 "2005-01-10T18:30:04Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Yeah, this is my fourth laparoscopy, so I know the routine. It still makes me nervous though. > > Thanks for the support. Ahhh. Gotcha. Well, good luck, and I hope the procedure helps! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/47 "2005-01-11T09:26:50Z")
Debilitating cramps: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Don’t get them any more to speak of, thank Og. Tampons, though. Ouch. I’m on the last day of my period, wearing a so-called mini-tampon, and I cannot sit comfortably. Me: It’s like having a dick stuck in me all the time. Mr. Rilch: That’s a bad thing?! Me: Well, imagine if the dick had been cut off, and was still in me without a guy attached to it. Mr. Rilch: Did you watch _House of 1000 Corpses_ without me? * * * And does anyone else have the problem I do: can’t pee or poop without the damn tampon getting pushed out? If only I could perfectly time my digestive system to my tampon-changing schedule… ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/48 "2005-01-11T09:41:47Z")
> [@Proudest Monkey](#): > > Does anyone else get pain in the front of their upper thighs–it’s a whole abdomen to mid-thigh ache for me. And my cramps have become worse with age. I find that plain old generic aspirin works the best–three tablets, please. No, you’re not alone. Mid thigh, inner thighs, glutes (and more :(), back, OMG, back cramps like crazy. These have existed all through my life, with both of my kids, I couldn’t feel my contractions thanks to the intense back pain I experienced. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/49 "2005-01-11T09:44:51Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Debilitating cramps: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Don’t get them any more to speak of, thank Og. > > Tampons, though. Ouch. I’m on the last day of my period, wearing a so-called mini-tampon, and I cannot sit comfortably. > > Me: It’s like having a dick stuck in me all the time. > > Mr. Rilch: That’s a bad thing?! > > Me: Well, imagine if the dick had been cut off, and was still in me without a guy attached to it. > > Mr. Rilch: Did you watch _House of 1000 Corpses_ without me? > … Well, tell him that the difference is, that a man’s penis is covered with soft silky warm skin. I SWEAR I can feel each dry rasping little fiber on a tampon. Not to mention, they never sit in the right place they’re always crooked or pressing against the wrong inner bits. Ow. I rarely use them unless teaching class (aqua aerobics, I sorta have to). ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/50 "2005-01-11T12:20:40Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > No, you’re not alone. Mid thigh, inner thighs, glutes (and more :(), back, OMG, back cramps like crazy. Ditto. _Everything_ hurts. Everything and then some. I find that whilst heat pads, and ibuprofen will get the pain to bearable, I think I may be able to sit up now levels, the only thing that really actually makes the cramps go away is an orgasm. Multiple orgasms actually, but it works. Just what did womankind do to deserve this? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/51 "2005-01-11T12:25:40Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > Just what did womankind do to deserve this? Well, there was this garden…and this tree… 😃 (Hey, at least we never have to worry about public erections or premature ejaculation. :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/52 "2005-01-11T12:42:34Z")
> [@Proudest Monkey](#): > > Does anyone else get pain in the front of their upper thighs–it’s a whole abdomen to mid-thigh ache for me. Just chiming in to say that I get this too. Along with terrible lower back cramps. If I actually have to go out and do shopping during all of that, I’m exhausted and in tears by the time I get home. I used to get shots for my cramps. Vistaril and some kind of pain med, maybe Vicodin. Woo boy, that would knock me out for several hours. As my luck would have it, that doc was forced to “resign” because he was too free with his prescription pad. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/53 "2005-01-11T13:15:08Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Well, tell him that the difference is, that a man’s penis is covered with soft silky warm skin. I SWEAR I can feel each dry rasping little fiber on a tampon. Guess I used the wrong analogy, then! > [@](#): > > Not to mention, they never sit in the right place they’re always crooked or pressing against the wrong inner bits. Ow. I rarely use them unless teaching class (aqua aerobics, I sorta have to). Well, much as I complain, I’d still rather use tampons than pads. Much easier to dispose of. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/54 "2005-01-11T13:22:24Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Well, there was this garden…and this tree… > > 😃 I thought that was the pain of childbirth? > [@](#): > > (Hey, at least we never have to worry about public erections or premature ejaculation. :eek: ) Good point! If we get turned on, we don’t have to display it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/55 "2005-01-11T13:32:32Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > I thought that was the pain of childbirth? Well, yeah, if you want to get all technicey about it. (I wasn’t serious anyway.) But it is part of the same mechanism, innit? Anything that requires muscular constractions over a several day period is bound to be icky sooner or later. > [@G-D](#): > > 16: Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Nope, nothing specific about menstruation. Can we put it under “sorrow”? If we want to get Darwinian about it…hmm…perhaps women with more painful periods subconsciously get pregnant more (before modern medicine) to reduce the pain? And so their painful period genes are passed on more often? I got nothin’ really. Let’s go with my Aunt Theresa’a explanation: “Being a woman sucks sometimes, honey.” ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/56 "2005-01-11T14:49:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Let’s go with my Aunt Theresa’a explanation: “Being a woman sucks sometimes, honey.” Yep, sounds the most plausible explanation. Hmmm… I’m not sure I like this “he shall rule over thee” thing about one’s husband… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/57 "2005-01-11T15:00:26Z")
I know this won’t work for everyone but I found that taking a couple of aspirin and either slamming a beer or a shot made me feel a whole lot better. As I’ve gotten older and developed more tolerance sometimes it’s 2 shots but it works. Ditto on those who mentioned that the Pill helps. Mine completely disappeared while I was on the pill (and my period only lasted 4 days instead of 7-8) Having kids helped too for a couple of years but now that my baby is 18 the cramps are back just like I was 18 again (only she gets them too and now we suffer together). In a couple of years she’ll be old enough to try my home rememdy. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/58 "2005-01-11T23:09:43Z")
Hey, body! Specifically, damned female reproductive organs of mine! You know, I am all too well aware of the pain you put me through on a monthly basis. Very much aware. Therefore, when I was sympathising with a poster earlier on in the thread, that was not a cue for you to start spotting and causing me pain. No, really it wasn’t. Stop it all ready, or I’ll have to chug this tumbler of takmaria seeds soaked in water. Yes, I know it looks like frogspawn, but hell, its one of hte few things that will work, and the boyfriend isn’t here to give me multiple orgasms, so just stop it. Now. _pouts_ ---
**Author:** ![Gfab912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a9a28c/32.png) [@Gfab912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfab912)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/59 "2005-01-12T01:37:35Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **Brutus** , take your fucking drive-by liberal bashing elsewhere, all right? I’m on the fucking rag-I ain’t in the mood for it. > > **Kythereia** , considering that I’m on Paxil and Ritalin, and without insurance, I’m not looking to add any more pills to my regimen. But if I could, I try going on the pill. This fucking sucks. I heard hemlock works really well to kill… the pain! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845/60 "2005-01-12T02:09:10Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > Hey, body! Specifically, damned female reproductive organs of mine! > > You know, I am all too well aware of the pain you put me through on a monthly basis. Very much aware. Therefore, when I was sympathising with a poster earlier on in the thread, that was not a cue for you to start spotting and causing me pain. No, really it wasn’t. Stop it all ready, or I’ll have to chug this tumbler of takmaria seeds soaked in water. Yes, I know it looks like frogspawn, but hell, its one of hte few things that will work, and the boyfriend isn’t here to give me multiple orgasms, so just stop it. Now. _pouts_ What is takmaria? What does it do? Sounds intriquing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-cramps-guys-this-is-about-periods-you-dont-want-to-read/283845.md?page=4)