# Goddamn Fucking Microsoft and their Cocksucking Updates! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 9, 2017, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534 "2017-06-09T17:50:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/1 "2017-06-09T17:50:38Z")
Windows updated last night. Took nearly an hour and half to get it turned on this morning. Hearts is gone. Can’t find it anywhere! Chess is gone. 😕 What the actual fuck? What does Microsoft expect me to do all fucking day? Be productive? I figured I’d just download and install it again. Doesn’t seem to want to let me. :mad: Nothing but problems and tedium since I got this new computer. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/2 "2017-06-09T19:53:45Z")
Damn music library is all cocked up, too! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/3 "2017-06-09T19:56:04Z")
See, this is the problem with automatic updates that keep people like me o older versions. Only security updates need to be automatic, and should be designed where they don’t mess anything up ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/4 "2017-06-09T20:01:49Z")
I have all my files except some photos of paintings an artist friend sent me over the past several years. Those are gone. I have tried all the tricks people suggest for recovering files but with no luck. I am trying not to care. With Microshit, it’s better not to care. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/5 "2017-06-09T20:21:05Z")
There ain’t much I don’t know about software but I’m still baffled how they know when to do the auto updates when I have the least amount of time available to wait for them. The best explanation I can think of is that Bill Gates is in league with the Devil, which would explain a lot of other things too. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/6 "2017-06-09T20:30:36Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There ain’t much I don’t know about software but I’m still baffled how they know when to do the auto updates when I have the least amount of time available to wait for them. The best explanation I can think of is that Bill Gates is in league with the Devil, which would explain a lot of other things too. Yep…one kicked in when I was in Starbucks…6 hours later… ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/7 "2017-06-09T20:33:25Z")
Sigh. What version of Windows were you using and what version did you update to? The games are now on the store, btw. Open the Windows store, search for Chess & solitaire and so on. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/8 "2017-06-09T21:32:52Z")
This is a request to please not use “cocksucking” as an epithet. Thanking you in advance. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/9 "2017-06-09T22:07:00Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > See, this is the problem with automatic updates that keep people like me o older versions. Only security updates need to be automatic, and should be designed where they don’t mess anything up Security updates and OS updates are both changes to core Windows files. Do you seriously expect them to produce security updates for every version of every file they have ever released? ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/10 "2017-06-09T22:12:26Z")
Anyway I thought the only time the solitaire games disappeared was when a windows 7 system was upgraded to 8 or 10? (Or was that 7 or 8 to 10?) As already mentioned, it should be available from the Store. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/11 "2017-06-09T23:22:30Z")
Yeah, I don’t know about Hearts or Chess, but Windows Solitaire is an ad-infested clusterfuck now. There’s also a subscription service involved…$1.99 per month to get rid of ads and get more coins for the “daily challenge” (yes, really). I now reach for my phone whenever I have the urge to play some ad-free Solitaire. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2017, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/12 "2017-06-09T23:42:52Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > Yeah, I don’t know about Hearts or Chess, but Windows Solitaire is an ad-infested clusterfuck now. There’s also a subscription service involved…$1.99 per month to get rid of ads and get more coins for the “daily challenge” (yes, really). I now reach for my phone whenever I have the urge to play some ad-free Solitaire. My FIL was telling me about this just today, apparently, he was getting ads encouraging him to cheat on his wife. Just fuck Microsoft. I’ve had both a Macbook and a PC for a long time, the PC predominantly for gaming, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even worth it. I don’t understand why you can’t just tell it, ‘‘Install updates at midnight on the first of every month’’ and it would leave you the fuck alone the rest of the time. It drives me apeshit. And it’s always at the last fucking minute when you have to run out the door and you need to print something. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/13 "2017-06-10T00:48:10Z")
This is a request to please not associate cocksucking with Microsoft. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Evan\_Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@Evan\_Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evan_Drake)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/14 "2017-06-10T00:57:58Z")
Using Mint, which is fine, or any other Linux updates are indicated by the little shield on the taskbar — which in my case is at the top as is only proper — turning blue. I click it and the Update Manager is there with a list of any such, amongst which I can accept, refuse or even ban from appearing. It is difficult to imagine allowing automatic updates. And of course, other OSs than Windows **only** need a restart with a kernel change, or new graphics drivers. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/15 "2017-06-10T01:38:23Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > This is a request to please not associate cocksucking with Microsoft. Thank you. Og bless you. ---
**Author:** ![LicketySplit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@LicketySplit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LicketySplit)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/16 "2017-06-10T03:07:54Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There ain’t much I don’t know about software but I’m still baffled how they know when to do the auto updates when I have the least amount of time available to wait for them. The best explanation I can think of is that Bill Gates is in league with the Devil, which would explain a lot of other things too. Last I heard, Microsoft did all their software updates and bug fixes on “Patch Tuesdays.” I am not sure this is still their SOP though. I DO know that it’s a horrible idea to EVER EVER call MS tech support and have them help you with a problem. I of course would never do this, but, contrary to my advice, my Dad did it once. Big mistake…once you call those guys you’re put on a special list of some sort, and they REALLY get their mitts into your PC. He has apps removed and passwords changed and all sorts of intrusions all the time. And still gets a bi-weekly phone call from some dude in Bangalore checking up on him. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/17 "2017-06-10T04:51:35Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > My FIL was telling me about this just today, apparently, he was getting ads encouraging him to cheat on his wife. > > Just fuck Microsoft. I’ve had both a Macbook and a PC for a long time, the PC predominantly for gaming, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even worth it. There’s actually lots of versions of Solitaire on the Windows store, including Fairway Solitaire, which is the one you really want. Some are FTP, some are purchase. If your current Solitaire game has been possessed by Satan, maybe you should try a different one. Or not. I mean, tastes vary. > [@](#): > > I don’t understand why you can’t just tell it, ‘‘Install updates at midnight on the first of every month’’ and it would leave you the fuck alone the rest of the time. It drives me apeshit. And it’s always at the last fucking minute when you have to run out the door and you need to print something. Updates need to happen more frequently than once a month. They tried letting people schedule their updates for themselves for the first twenty years of Windows. Result: nobody every updated anything because everyone was so fucking important that they couldn’t take ten minutes to download and apply the latest patch. Back when I was updating Windows & Norton antivirus manually, I did it twice a week, because, while I’ve never been important, I’ve always understood that regular maintenance makes your computer run better. Nowadays, I turned on auto updates and reboot my computer once a day, or as prompted, because the world won’t end if I have to stop what I’m doing for five minutes and anyway, it’s probably about snack time. Weirdly, my computers always run flawlessly. Stop fucking with the Windows Update routine, people. You can’t win this fight. It’s a machine and it needs to do what it needs to do. You’re just causing yourself more issues when you try to apply a bunch of updates at once. Just let it do its thing - your computers will run better and you’ll barely even notice it happening. Also - empty that litter box, you fucking catasses. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/18 "2017-06-10T04:57:06Z")
No, updates don’t generally need to happen more than once a month. Windows received monthly updates, except for emergencies. I know–I’ve kept track ever since an update screwed me over. That’s why I have them only notify me, so I can wait a bit and Google to see if there’s any widespread problem. People need to stop trying to come up with defenses for Microsoft who alone fucks up updating, unlike Mac OS, Linux, Android, and the like. And rather than making updating better, they decided to force it on everyone. People wouldn’t disable updates if the updates (or how they are applied) didn’t suck. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/19 "2017-06-10T05:17:21Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > No, updates don’t generally need to happen more than once a month. Windows received monthly updates, except for emergencies. I know–I’ve kept track ever since an update screwed me over. That’s why I have them only notify me, so I can wait a bit and Google to see if there’s any widespread problem. > > People need to stop trying to come up with defenses for Microsoft who alone fucks up updating, unlike Mac OS, Linux, Android, and the like. And rather than making updating better, they decided to force it on everyone. People wouldn’t disable updates if the updates (or how they are applied) didn’t suck. That’s my view. Honestly, things are so much fucking easier with Mac. I fully acknowledge there are advantages and disadvantages and it all depends on user preference or whatever, but I never have half as much bullshit with my Macbooks as I have with my PCs. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2017, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534/20 "2017-06-10T14:12:19Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > This is a request to please not associate cocksucking with Microsoft. Thank you. Upon seeing the title I thought “Oh no… are the bastards really now going to mess up cocksucking too? If it ain’t broke don’t fix it!” And **Merneith** , if it were just “five minutes for a snack break” we would not mind (except that of course, The Boss always wants whatever it is on her desk in the next ten _seconds_). But it isn’t. I am with **Spice Weasel** , let it happen when it does NOT stop work. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-fucking-microsoft-and-their-cocksucking-updates/788534.md?page=2)