# Goddamn it! I already know how to use a fucking answering machine! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336 "2005-07-20T19:19:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/1 "2005-07-20T19:19:46Z")
Every time I call someone’s cell phone now, and they don’t pick up, I first have to listen to a recording of that person asking me to leave a message, and then, in case I didn’t quite grasp the concept of talking into the phone, I’m presented with a plethora of options, none of which, to my knowledge, have ever been used. > [@Annoying Computerized Lady](#): > > To forward a message, press 9. To leave a callback number, press 4. When you are finished, press # or hang up the phone. To leave a message, press 7, or stay on the line. \ Who the fuck was it decided that the average person hasn’t figured out how to operate an answering machine yet? After all, they’ve only been in widespread use for 30 years. And the options are moronic. This is feature bloat at its worst. I don’t need to press “4” to leave a callback number. I’ll leave a callback number just as God intended, by starting my message with “Hi, this is the walrus. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx…” Why do we need a separate option for this? I don’t need to forward a message to someone else in the system. If I’d wanted to leave a message for someone else, I would have _called_ someone else. RRRrrrrghgh. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/2 "2005-07-20T19:22:13Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > This is feature bloat at its worst. I don’t need to press “4” to leave a callback number. I’ll leave a callback number just as God intended, by starting my message with “Hi, this is the walrus. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx…” Why do we need a separate option for this? Also, I don’t know anyone who has a cell phone that doesn’t have caller ID on it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/3 "2005-07-20T19:27:02Z")
A-fucking-men, walrus! Bugs the crap outta me, too. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/4 "2005-07-20T19:29:14Z")
Press # or hang up? I’ve never understood this. Even if I press #, I still have to hang up so why not just hang up? Am I being especially dense? I don’t get it. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![VegemiteMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@VegemiteMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VegemiteMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/5 "2005-07-20T19:51:27Z")
While I agree with the overall moron-itude of these things, I just want to point out that some people don’t have Caller ID on their cell phones(me). At least not yet. 😉 Also the leave call back number thing might address [these](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=326269) problems. I’m guessing that you actually enter the call back # from the number pad and the person receiving it hears it read out in E-Z computer speak. If this is not the case, then um yeah really dumb. Hope I haven’t pooped on your rainbow too much. Or rather, put too much rainbow into your poop pile… or something. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/6 "2005-07-20T19:51:57Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > Press # or hang up? I’ve never understood this. Even if I press #, I still have to hang up so why not just hang up? Am I being especially dense? I don’t get it. 😕 Well, if you have a flip phone and don’t have the option turned on that ends the call when you close the phone you’ll run up your minutes. Doesn’t make it any less stupid though. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/7 "2005-07-20T19:52:48Z")
I think that leaving a call back number means that you just enter the number on the keypad like you used to do for a pager. That way you can just leave the number and not have to leave a verbal message. ALso, my phone will not record the phone numbers of missed calls if it is off when the calls come in. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/8 "2005-07-20T20:04:34Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Also, I don’t know anyone who has a cell phone that doesn’t have caller ID on it. My home phone has Caller ID blocked. Muahahahah!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/9 "2005-07-20T20:21:55Z")
Well, my answering machine has said the following for a couple years now: > [@Stpauler's answering machine](#): > > This is (Stpauler). The beep happens and then it starts recording. I thought I could skip all of the “please leave a message, I’m not in right now… BS… BS… BS.” But I’ve gotten messages from people who complain that the message is too short. Can’t please everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/10 "2005-07-20T20:25:08Z")
“Feature bloat” - what a great term. We have a massive amount of this going on these days. Walk down the deodorant aisle - pit stick with moisturizer? With _glitter_, for freak’s sake? ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/11 "2005-07-20T20:39:49Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > “Feature bloat” - what a great term. Pretty common one in the software industry. The unfortunate consequence of it being much easier to sell a **new** product with new annoyances than it is to just sell the one that already works. **stpauler** , I have the same tactic. My message is just “Walrus. Message. \” I constantly get hassled by people for the shortness of the message, but fuck 'em. Next time I have to listen to a message like > [@The Evil Ones](#): > > Hi, you’ve reached \ \ \ at \, but you can call me \. This is my cell phone, but if you wanted my home number, it’s \. You can also get me at \ during the workday. Please leave a detailed message, including your name, the time you’ve called, what you were wearing, what this call is in reference to, when you’ll be available for me to return your call, and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. > > And now, the rest of the \ clan: > Small Child #1: Please > Small Child #2: Leave a message > Small Child #3: After the > \ > \: Come on, Jeffy. Say “beep”. > \ > Well, maybe next time he’ll say it. He’s getting really good with his words now and just the other day– > \ I’m going to leave the phone next to the TV and wander off somewhere for a drink. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/12 "2005-07-20T21:28:25Z")
I would giggle if I listened to my messages and had one from “the walrus”. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/13 "2005-07-20T21:38:37Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > I would giggle if I listened to my messages and had one from “the walrus”. Heh. No, stop that. There shall be no giggling in this thread, which is serious and meanspirited and nasty. Do you want us to get sent to MPSIMS? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/14 "2005-07-20T21:50:09Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > Well, if you have a flip phone and don’t have the option turned on that ends the call when you close the phone you’ll run up your minutes. [Or worse](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=270838)… ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/15 "2005-07-20T23:20:54Z")
I had a friend whose message was 'You know what this is. You know what to do." Quick and to the point. She changed it to “Hello? Hello? Leave a message.” I hated the Hello hello message because I always started talking after the first hello. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/16 "2005-07-20T23:37:45Z")
Ooh, you’re right. I’D BE MOTHERFUCKING PISSED OFF IF I GOT A CALL FROM SOME MOTHERFUCKER NAMED THE WALRUS! DAMN STRAIGHT! [sub]heh[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/17 "2005-07-20T23:39:42Z")
Some people still leave voice messages? What’s wrong with e-mail? ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/18 "2005-07-20T23:57:06Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > Some people still leave voice messages? What’s wrong with e-mail? My computer doesn’t fit in my pocket. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/19 "2005-07-21T00:04:34Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > Press # or hang up? I’ve never understood this. Even if I press #, I still have to hang up so why not just hang up? Am I being especially dense? I don’t get it. 😕 While I have never verified that this is the same for cell phones, in several in-house phone systems I’ve used you can press # and it will give you a list of options - such as canceling/deleting the message you just left (if you suddenly had second thoughts), marking it as urgent, appending a text message, ect… Not that I think that any of this is terribly useful, but I did once use it to delete a message in which I thoughtlessly blurted out confidential information and immediately realized what a bad idea that was. mischievous ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336/20 "2005-07-21T01:25:09Z")
Part of the problem I’ve found is that some voicemail/answering services work in different ways. Some give an auto-beep, and start recording. Some ask you to just press a button to leave your number, and don’t record anything. Some ask you to make a few selections, and give you options to change the message/forward as a text message etc. etc. IIRC my mobile phone voicemail is just ‘This is Sierra, I’m not available. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you’. Hubby’s is just ‘This is Chris, leave a message’. Both work. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goddamn-it-i-already-know-how-to-use-a-fucking-answering-machine/313336.md?page=2)