# Godfuckingdammit! AM I THE ONLY ENGINEER IN THIS PLACE WHO KNOWS HOW TO BREW COFFEE? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 21, 2002, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920 "2002-08-21T14:13:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/21 "2002-08-22T02:35:00Z")
I had a co-op position not too long ago at a large, American based, computer oriented business downtown. I actually enjoyed making the coffee… I got to hang around the break room, make smalltalk with the people I hardly ever saw due to cubicle confinement, etc. That, and the smell of freshly opened coffee packets was almost as good as the first few sips of the brew itself. People say I should have been an engineer, with the way I _have_ to know how every machine I use works. I’m surprised the “real” engineers you work with aren’t that way. * * * P.S. - Nanoda has, in his entertaining life, dissected coffee machines, tv’s, radios, computers, vcrs, r.c. cars, printers, clocks, and much more. Soon-to-be-terminated parental supervision has thus far prevented the list from including cars and microwaves, but the future looks bright. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/22 "2002-08-22T03:34:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Btw, Homebrew - snickerdoodle coffee??? Where do you get that?! I want, I want! It’s a little, non-chain gourmet shop here in Texarkana. I don’t know where they get their coffee beans, but they have a dizzying array of flavors and roasts, including one 100% Jamacian Blue Mountain that goes for $40/lb. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/23 "2002-08-22T12:45:30Z")
Similar rant: Once, when I was here with one other person, the phones went nuts and she ignored them. When I asked her why she didn’t pick up the phone, I was informed “That’s not my job.” Three days later, she rang my doorbell cause she had locked her keys in the office and needed mine to get in. My response? “That’s not my fucking job.” ---
**Author:** ![ladydisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@ladydisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladydisco)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/24 "2002-08-22T13:07:25Z")
This is a problem where I work as well. So the software engineers fashioned themselves a flowchart and posted it above the coffee machine. Is the coffee pot empty? - Y/N -if No, then enjoy your coffee -if Yes, then get coffee from freezer etc… This loses it’s effect without all the proper flowchart diamonds and squares, but I found it pretty funny when I started working there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/25 "2002-08-22T13:42:45Z")
**ladydisco** , that is a brilliant idea! I’m going to make a flowchart today. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/26 "2002-08-22T13:53:49Z")
**Revtim** , you could always work in my office, and not have to make a single carafe of coffee. You just head down to the cafeteria and pay $.80 a cup. I wish my floor had a coffee maker ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_Loves_Co)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/27 "2002-08-22T13:55:11Z")
I commiserate with the OP - few areas bring out my hatred and scorn for my fellow human beings as poor coffee awareness. In my office it goes beyond the timing aspect - we have a snazzy little grinder that grinds whole beans out of a hopper: you pull a lever, it drops a measured amount into the grinder, hit a button, and it grinds for about 20 seconds. You need two “grind cycles” to brew a decent pot - it’s even posted: “GRIND TWO BATCHES”. Imagine my surprise when I go and pour myself a cup of coffee that was so weak I could see the bottom of my cup through 4" of liquid. The old grounds in the filter accounted for perhaps half a batch. Who drinks this shit? _why bother_? I retaliate by “nursing” the grinder, pulling the lever repeatedly during each grind cycle which results in 50% more coffee, which translates into what I affectionately call “Mongolian Death Coffee”. You can always add water to strong coffee. With weak coffee the only choice is to not drink it. That said, I’ll contribute the following filk created during a late night of drinking coffee and reading Dune: _It is by coffee alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hand acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. it is by coffee alone that I set my mind in motion_ ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/28 "2002-08-22T17:47:30Z")
My fellow scientists are pretty good about the coffee machine. BUT THEY ARE FUCKING INCAPABLE OF PUTTING IN A NEW TANK ON THE WATER COOLER! Sweet mother of christ, I end up changing it 60% of the goddamn time. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/29 "2002-08-24T01:11:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MLC \* > \*\* > That said, I’ll contribute the following filk created during a late night of drinking coffee and reading Dune: > > _It is by coffee alone that I set my mind in motion. > It is by the juice of Java that thoughts acquire speed, > the hand acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. > it is by coffee alone that I set my mind in motion_ \*\* Very nice. I’ve sometimes suspected that if I drink enough of the sweet jitter brew, I might gain _melangesqe_ abilites. Need to fold time and space? Time to go to Starbucks! ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/30 "2002-08-24T02:53:41Z")
As I sit back and enjoy my cup of Earl Grey. Coffee? What’s that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/31 "2002-08-24T03:00:17Z")
::Sits back and enjoys lovely cup of Earl Grey:: Coffee? What’s that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/32 "2002-08-24T03:08:10Z")
::Sits back and enjoys nice strong cup of Earl Grey:: Coff-ee? What’s that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/33 "2002-08-24T03:10:43Z")
Dammit, dammit, dammit! I even refreshed to see if I was gonna double-post! Fucking hamsters! Mmmmm. Tea. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/34 "2002-08-24T13:14:34Z")
\*\* Syzygy \*\* maybe you should switch to Decaf Earl Gray. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/35 "2002-08-24T18:19:28Z")
I think what is happening in most of these situations is that everybody thinks that somebody else will do the job, but since everyone assumes another person will eventually do it, it never gets done. I recall one time seeing a sign on someone’s wall that said something to the effect of “Here’s the story about four people, Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody thought that Somebody would do it.” I don’t recall how the rest of it goes, but it ends with saying that Nobody ended up doing the job. If you think brewing coffee seems to be a challenge to all your co-workers, how about those who seem to pass the buck when it comes to cleaning out the break room refrigerator? At my last job there was a pop spill in one of the compartments in the door. It sat there for three or four days, all the while thinking and hoping that the person responsible for the mess would clean it up. After it still sat there I finally took it upon myself to take care of it. :rolleyes: Message to co-workers at my present job: When something you have left in the refrigerator begins to stink and has long surpassed the threshold of edibility, please, **THROW IT THE FUCK AWAY!** It’s already spoiled and it’s _not_ going to get any better by leaving it in there!!! ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/36 "2002-08-24T18:41:48Z")
What the hell is it with _SOME_ guys assuming that if there’s a woman around, she’s the one who’s responsible for food/coffee, etc? One summer in college I worked in the cast house of an aluminum plant. In 130 degree working conditions, no one’s drinking coffee, but I somehow came to be in charge of keeping the Gatorade stocked. One day our foreman gave us a steakfeed as a reward for meeting a certain production level. Actual words out of coworker’s mouth “Well, she’s the only girl. She oughta’ do the cooking.” I seriously contemplated burning myself and collecting workman’s comp. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/37 "2002-08-24T19:43:52Z")
I’m not a coffee drinker, so I can observe with detached bemusement. John was in charge of the coffee fund for years. He was a nice guy - everybody liked John. He seemed to enjoy his monthly collections visits from cube to cube. Then he retired. Paula inherited “the book” - Paula got fed up with it very fast. No one wanted to take over. Paula got her own personal coffee maker on her own personal desk. Other people did the same. Finally Jack took “the book” - but by then, hardly anyone was involved in the fund. Still, he collects and buys coffee and makes it first thing in the morning. If Jack has to go on travel, a half-empty, cold pot of coffee will sit there for the whole time he’s gone. It just cracks me up!!! Tom never pays. Tom goes to whichever pot has coffee - whether in our office or the adjacent group. Tom is a leech. And the refrigerator is another fiasco entirely. I gave up on it years ago. I bring my lunch in a small cooler and I can avoid the coffee/fridge corner unless I need to nuke my lunch. I can’t wait till I can leave this place. Oh yeah - I work with a bunch of engineers and logisticians. Big surprise, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/38 "2002-08-24T22:30:09Z")
I wonder how my ex-coworkers are managing with the printers and the watercooler. I don’t _care_, but I do _wonder_. ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/39 "2002-08-25T16:49:30Z")
Oh, don’t even get me started on the coffee making habits (or is it NON-coffee making habits) of my co-workers. Add to the list the fact that we keep minor headache pills and such in the first aid kits (located, oddly enough, near the coffee pots) and not a SINGLE STINKIN’ PERSON IN THE ENTIRE OFFICE KNOWS HOW TO CLOSE THE COVER AND LATCH THE GODDAMNED THING WHEN THEY’RE DONE!!! Yeah, like I really want that band-aid that’s probably dropped into the sink ten times because you couldn’t figure out how to close a simple metal lid! ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920/40 "2002-08-25T22:02:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fizgig \* > **One day our foreman gave us a steakfeed as a reward for meeting a certain production level. Actual words out of coworker’s mouth "Well, she’s the only girl. She oughta’ do the cooking."** What kind of Manly Man doesn’t know how grill a steak? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/godfuckingdammit-am-i-the-only-engineer-in-this-place-who-knows-how-to-brew-coffee/124920.md?page=3)