# Going-away party for child molester coworker **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599 "2012-11-01T18:06:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tsarina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@tsarina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsarina)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/21 "2012-11-02T16:00:30Z")
I don’t have any desire to see anyone punished or reprimanded for having the party - I guess the idea was just to let his superiors know that I think that under the circumstances, having a party for him was in extremely poor taste and that I think they should reconsider doing this in the future (if, God forbid, this sort of thing happens again). And yes, the crime was committed and has been reported on by local media. (Although I won’t link to it to preserve his privacy - I find him a disgusting human being, but don’t believe in vigilante justice or in embarrassing him. His actions alone are embarrassing enough.) So far I’ve taken your advice and kept my mouth shut about it. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/22 "2012-11-02T17:28:39Z")
If they knew, and threw the party anyway, I’d look for another job. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/23 "2012-11-02T17:59:58Z")
I’d verify the charges first, its extremely important not to act on false information. If the information is correct, I would have tried to letter thing before the party. But since it already happened, I don’t think there’s much you can do to change things. Maybe have a talk with the department head alone to express your concerns. As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand that this issue probably rankles you more than most. I wouldn’t counsel someone to do nothing, but it seems the opportunity has passed to do something significant so your best bet is to extract a promise from those in charge to not let it happen again. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/24 "2012-11-02T18:37:52Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand that this issue probably rankles you more than most. I’ve never been sexually abused, but it “rankles” the fuck outa me. Just sayin. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/25 "2012-11-02T18:52:27Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve never been sexually abused, but it “rankles” the fuck outa me. Just sayin. Ditto. I don’t care what a great guy and terrific colleague he was, he’s going to prison for molesting his stepdaughter. A going-away party is NOT appropriate. The only consideration he deserves is to be allowed to gather his stuff and get out of the building without people shouting insults at him and pelting him with rotten vegetables. Sure, the OP should have said something _before_ the party. But it’s never too late to say, “that wasn’t right,” when something was unquestionably wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/26 "2012-11-02T19:13:57Z")
Just a reminder to some of you that the OP specifically stated from the beginning that she didn’t know about the party until it had already happened. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/27 "2012-11-02T19:18:31Z")
Maybe the OP should send a belated retirement gift. Something like this: [Happy Retirement](http://www.google.com/shopping/product/3771677292633621833?hl=en&q=home%20castration%20kit&oq=home+castration+kit&gs_l=products-cc.3...2465.5772.0.5912.19.7.0.12.1.0.47.312.7.7.0...0.0...1ac.1.w5_MW4aMxg0&sa=X&ei=ThyUUM_vMMXS2gXl8IHwBA&ved=0CC8Q8wIwAA) ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/28 "2012-11-02T19:18:38Z")
Check the facts before you say anything. Since he is an adult, there should be public record of his court plea or trial. If indeed it is the case that he was found guilty of such a thing, I would speak up to the department head. It’s important that a community know who the child molesters are. If you cannot find such a record, keep mum about it. Innocent until proven guilty. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/29 "2012-11-02T20:38:49Z")
Personally, I think it would be fine to write a professional, calm letter expressing concern about this. I would not mention your own history of abuse in the letter (it’s not really relevant since many of us who were not abused also find this extremely inappropriate), but I would think it’s worth pointing out that this could be seen as insensitive to those who have been abused. Just be careful not to sound accusatory. I’d word it more along the lines of “I’m not sure if you considered how this might look to someone who has been abused” rather than “You sure are jerks for celebrating a child molester.” ---
**Author:** ![Dano83860](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a4c791/32.png) [@Dano83860](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dano83860)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/30 "2012-11-03T02:18:00Z")
You will only succeed in making yourself look bad. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/31 "2012-11-03T02:25:39Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Personally, I think it would be fine to write a professional, calm letter expressing concern about this. > I would not mention your own history of abuse in the letter (it’s not really relevant since many of us who were not abused also find this extremely inappropriate), but I would think it’s worth pointing out that this could be seen as insensitive to those who have been abused. > Just be careful not to sound accusatory. I’d word it more along the lines of “I’m not sure if you considered how this might look to someone who has been abused” rather than “You sure are jerks for celebrating a child molester.” Based on the facts presented by the OP what precisely would she say? > [@](#): > > Dear Administration > > This is just a note to let your know I am holding every member of every department in this university personally responsible to be fully aware of any and all legal actions or judgements filed against their fellow employees before throwing any celebratory parties or functions for them. A person who did terrible things got a going away party from his co-workers. That sucks, but per the OP there is absolutely no concrete information whatsoever to suggest that his co-workers knew anything about his child molestation case. Exactly how the OP or anyone else in this thread imagines there will be a future “fix” for this is somewhat puzzling. Are you going to require Lexis-Nexis searches before anyone gets a party? Bad and weird crap happens sometimes. It’s not always someone’s fault. There’s not always a fix. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/32 "2012-11-03T02:32:00Z")
> [@Dano83860](#): > > You will only succeed in making yourself look bad. Yes, that is pretty much it in a nutshell. God knows I hates me some molesters, especially after having worked in a residential treatment setting with a bunch of the bastards. But everything is after the fact in this situation. The party can’t be made to unhappen. Shit, my molesters had friends and family who cared for them. Is it completely impossible that the Chester in this situation (assuming he actually is a molester) still had co-workers who believed in his innocence and threw him a party? If you knew about something like this in advance, you could, if you felt you really had to, do something to prevent it. Now? Just let it go. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/33 "2012-11-03T02:50:36Z")
Slightly off-topic, but how come your co-worker was able to attend his own going-away party? You claim he plead guilty, and was sentenced to two years, yes? In Australia, if you are found guilty of an indictable crime, you don’t get to go home and settle your affairs before they cart you off to prison…you are taken from the court to the prison IMMEDIATELY (unless an appeal is lodged and the magistrate grants bail pending). Do you have a period of grace in the US between sentencing and having to rock up to jail? How does that work?? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/34 "2012-11-03T04:04:40Z")
Bumping, 'cos I’m really curious about the way the judicial system works in the US, and wanting an answer to my previous post!! Yeah, shoot me! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/35 "2012-11-03T04:22:13Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Slightly off-topic, but how come your co-worker was able to attend his own going-away party? You claim he plead guilty, and was sentenced to two years, yes? > > In Australia, if you are found guilty of an indictable crime, you don’t get to go home and settle your affairs before they cart you off to prison…you are taken from the court to the prison IMMEDIATELY (unless an appeal is lodged and the magistrate grants bail pending). > > Do you have a period of grace in the US between sentencing and having to rock up to jail? How does that work?? > > :dubious: Certain offenders, who are convicted of certain crimes (occasionally even very serious crimes; In practice, usually lessor criminals not deemed to pose a flight risk) do indeed get a period of time after conviction to “get their affairs in order” before reporting to prison. Frankly, this is typically offered to wealthy, white-collar offenders (usually non-violent crimes) who have posted a bond and who would stand to lose a substantial amount of money if they attempt to flee jurisdiction. They probably would also have an electronic tracking device on their person, as an additional deterrent to going on the lam. Common sense tells me that this wouldn’t ever be offered to someone facing a life sentence, as obviously they wouldn’t have much incentive to NOT give running a shot…😃 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/36 "2012-11-03T04:58:46Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Certain offenders, who are convicted of certain crimes (occasionally even very serious crimes; In practice, usually lessor criminals not deemed to pose a flight risk) do indeed get a period of time after conviction to “get their affairs in order” before reporting to prison. > > Frankly, this is typically offered to wealthy, white-collar offenders (usually non-violent crimes) who have posted a bond and who would stand to lose a substantial amount of money if they attempt to flee jurisdiction. They probably would also have an electronic tracking device on their person, as an additional deterrent to going on the lam. > > Common sense tells me that this wouldn’t ever be offered to someone facing a life sentence, as obviously they wouldn’t have much incentive to NOT give running a shot…😃 Wow. Thanks for the clarification **MPB**. ---
**Author:** ![azraiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@azraiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/azraiel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/37 "2012-11-03T07:30:12Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Certain offenders, who are convicted of certain crimes (occasionally even very serious crimes; In practice, usually lessor criminals not deemed to pose a flight risk) do indeed get a period of time after conviction to “get their affairs in order” before reporting to prison. Would you clarify, please? I’m familiar with certain cases where a defendant may be bailed between verdict (or plea) and sentencing. I’m also familiar with instances where those convicted of ‘victimless’ white-collar crimes are ordered to report to a facility within a certain time frame instead of being taken into custody immediately upon sentencing. I haven’t heard or read about a case where a felon convicted of a violent crime (molestation in this case) is not taken into custody immediately upon sentencing. I read the OP as the going away party occurring between the entering of the plea and the sentencing (I read the two years as the expected plea/term). Fix my ignorance, please. Are violent criminals ever released either on their own recognisance or on bail between sentencing and incarceration, as opposed to between plea/verdict and sentencing? Can you point to some examples for me to read up on? ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/38 "2012-11-03T12:17:11Z")
If this is the case > [@tsarina](#): > > he’d just pleaded no contest to molesting his teenaged stepdaughter and will be going to prison for two years. Then what facts need to be verified before tsarina says anything? Does the above [quote] not mean he admitted molesting his stepdaughter? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/39 "2012-11-03T12:58:12Z")
> [@Corcaigh](#): > > If this is the case > > Then what facts need to be verified before tsarina says anything? Does the above not mean he admitted molesting his stepdaughter? > > 😕 Not really. It may mean that he didn’t, but the circumstantial evidence was so great that he and his lawyers felt he’d lose the case even if he didn’t do it. Or it may mean that he did something even worse that would have come out in a trial, so he pleaded no contest to this charge to avoid having people testify against him in public. Or that the court dropped some other charge in exchange for his no contest plea. Or that they offered him a lesser sentence for no contest, and if he’d plead not guilty and been found guilty, he’d have gotten a stiffer sentence. Hard to tell, really. “No contest” is not an admission of guilt, it’s an indication that you don’t want a trial and will accept whatever punishment the court gives you without trying to defend yourself. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599/40 "2012-11-03T13:06:33Z")
It seems to me it’s entirely possible that they were just shell-shocked, especially if the guy was well-liked and respected before this. It’s not like (generally) people have an action plan in place for a case like this. Someone may have had some bone-headed idea like they “had” to have a party if they always do, for legal reasons: people are really, really stupid about employment law and confidentiality.\* Some people may be in serious denial–I would be, if it were one of my favorite co-workers. He may still be claiming innocence (“I pleaded nolo to save her and my family the pain of a trial. She’s a deeply hurt and confused little girl, and her mom and I agreed that this is what’s best for her, and she’s the priority. We’ve got to get her help, not make this a fight about the law.”) \*We had a bunch of teachers reassigned to another school one year due to numbers, and the principal wouldn’t let us announce who they were and where they went due to “privacy” concerns. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-away-party-for-child-molester-coworker/639599.md?page=1)