# Going out with ex-gf again - true love or disaster? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962 "2003-04-21T03:14:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/21 "2003-04-24T16:09:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultress \* > \*\*So, say you meet, you date, the flame ignites. Are you willing to move to where she is to live, or is she willing to move to where you are to live? Who moves where? I agree with the ‘danger’ group. \*\* Actually that part isn’t a big problem, I think. I intend to move to the US soon regardless of how the relationship works out, and if it does work out, the city she’s in has many options for my field of work. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@SouthernSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernSky)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/22 "2003-04-24T16:21:48Z")
Oh, dear… She sounds like a “relationship junkie” to me. I have a feeling that since you are now older that you’re going to have a little clearer picture of what she is (and isn’t) when you see her. Planning a trip to a neutral place won’t give you a true idea of the whole thing - anyone can go to Hawaii with anyone and have a great time. Once you are on a home turf, now THAT’S where it gets interesting! But — you’re a big boy, now! Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/23 "2003-04-24T17:36:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SouthernSky \* > **She sounds like a “relationship junkie” to me.** So does that mean not much hope for a stable relationship? I’m starting to get convinced. I may be older but I haven’t gotten any wiser. I don’t think I can see her and remain analytical about the situation. Maybe it’s better to break it off now after all. ☹ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/24 "2003-04-24T18:58:24Z")
Even if she lived in the same place as you, I’d be very wary of getting back together with her now, based on what you’ve told us. The fact that your relationship would be long distance (which makes it much easier to focus on the positive, and ignore warning signs and potential problems) means I’d absolutely avoid getting back together with her. You’ll spare yourself time, money and anguish that could best be spent on pursuing a new relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/25 "2003-04-24T19:23:13Z")
She’s lonely. I’d be wary. Like, lion-tamer wary. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/26 "2003-04-24T20:00:37Z")
Advice from a fellow who has never had anything resembling a romantic relationship (you got your grain of salt?): If it’s reasonably possible for you to meet this woman, and there’s a reasonable chance she’s not just messing with you in some way - why not go for it? As someone else mentioned, if you don’t do this you may be playing “what-if” games with yourself later. Go meet her, have a nice dinner - have _fun_, I’m told dates are supposed to be fun things. 🙂 If the distance makes it impracticle to visit her unless you’re on a business trip or something, so this would require a substantial investment in effort - well, how much effort are you willing to put in for a fun night with a person you like? If I’m understanding you correctly, the problem was never that you didn’t like this person, but that she wasn’t interested in your romantically. But you like her, she wanted to be friends with you so probably likes you too - give it a shot. Just don’t expect to walk out of dinner with a wedding date. 🙂 Did I mention I know absolutely nothing about relationships? Thought I should reiterate that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962/27 "2003-04-24T23:54:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > \*\* Also, I think one of our Down-Under Dopers is involved with someone in the Northern Hemisphere, but I can’t remember who, off the top of my head. \*\* I’m one of those though not the only one. Long distance relationships (LDR) bring a unique set of challenges in communication but love is love. I sometimes despair that there will be a _happily ever after_ given all the roadblocks thrown up in our personal story but then I realise it doesn’t matter, In the here and now our relationship is amazing, even if we are not in physical proximity. We have lived together and been in eachother’s space, that is important to us as we come from different cultural contexts. In this case with the OP having being in this relationship before there is a distinct advantage. Physical distance sucks but not as much as emotional distance can suck even if you live together. You need to be creative, you need to make time for chit-chat, you need to open up emotionally as you cannot express things with physicality but LDRs can be as fulfiling as any other relationship, or they can suck like any other relationship. It is up to the players. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-out-with-ex-gf-again-true-love-or-disaster/169962.md?page=1)