# Going to a Wedding - at age 41 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026 "2003-09-07T02:06:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/1 "2003-09-07T02:06:04Z")
I just got back from a wedding and reception. The groom is 39, the bride is mid 30’s. It’s the first wedding for both. Some MPSIMS: The only males doing the “Chicken Dance” were the groom and brides father. Beaucoup kids under ten. When the DJ announced the Chicken Dance, the number of people standing outside and smoking/drinking swelled 10 fold. The groom threw threw the garter. I literally had to drag single males onto the dance floor to make a crowd. They all said, “I’ve been married before, I don’t want to do it again.” (Yeah, it’s an effing hex if you catch the garter.) I caught the garter. It came to straight to me, but I had made it clear to the other guys that if the garter hit the floor and every guy stood around and stared at it, I’d be kicking their asses. (Mind you, I was the smallest guy in the group at 6 foot and 190 lb). The bride’s throwing the boqouet had few single women, mucho under 10 years old. And the bridesmaids, who were single but experienced, were diving for the exits. This was a wedding tradition new to me - as the single guy who caught the garter, I was called up front, wtih the woman who caught the bocquet (sp). I was worried because I thought we’d be asked to dance. Nope, my role was to place the garter on her. Thankfully, she was wearing pants, so I knelt before her, did a Cinderalla (nice shoe removal) and placed the garter just under her pants. I got compliments later for doing it in a classy manner. The reception bar only had plastic glasses, which meant no “clinking” to have the bride and groom kiss. That’s all, good wedding, good food just a few (weird to me) things. Whistlepig ---
**Author:** ![Brad\_Pittiful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Brad\_Pittiful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brad_Pittiful)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/2 "2003-09-07T02:50:13Z")
i hate weddings…after going to 10 ive had my fill…i have a friend getting married next month and i will be rsvp’ing a “no i will not attend”…ill send them a nice gift but thats all ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/3 "2003-09-07T03:11:55Z")
That’s neat, I’ve never seen that ceremony where you put the garter on the girl who catches the flowers. I usually tend to stay at the back because I don’t want anyone to step on me in their excitement to catch the flowers. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/4 "2003-09-07T03:43:19Z")
**whistlepig** , you let your buddy down! Didn’t you know that every inch above the bouquet catcher’s knee the garter catcher pushes the garter is another year of luck for the bride and groom? (Aren’t superstitions fun? I wonder if there’s a complementary one that every inch below the year is a year of bad luck?) ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/5 "2003-09-07T05:30:27Z")
I caught the garter at a wedding and then one of the bridesmaids got the flowers and then I’m told to put the garter on her leg–by the future Mrs. Zebra! She was friends of the bride, groom and bridesmaid! I put it pretty far up leg. But the whole thing was new to me at that moment. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/6 "2003-09-07T05:54:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brad Pittiful \* > \*\*i hate weddings…after going to 10 ive had my fill…i have a friend getting married next month and i will be rsvp’ing a “no i will not attend”…ill send them a nice gift but thats all \*\* I’ve been to 10 weddings in the last three years alone… since I’ve actually kept track, here’s my tally from the last few years: 1999: three weddings 2000: two weddings 2001: four weddings 2002: six weddings 2003: four weddings 2004: one wedding that I know of Of course, this doesn’t include the numerous weddings that I was at before 1999. 🙂 F\_X ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/7 "2003-09-07T10:34:52Z")
I can’t remember the last wedding I attended - I think it was my sister’s 13 or 14 years ago. I sang for the ceremony. My daughter was a flower girl. My husband couldn’t attend because of work. Or maybe it was my BIL’s very low-key, no music, no dancing, no traditional anything… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/8 "2003-09-07T12:33:43Z")
I can remember the last wedding I attended - my older sister got married on August 16. (Second marriage for both.) Before that, I think the last one was **Weirddave** ’s and **Gingy** ’s wedding. I’ve been going to the weddings of friends and family (and lately the weddings of friends’ children and former students too) for over 30 years now, and the first time I ran into the “Wedding DJ” business was at an _extremely_ expensive wedding in 1990. By the late 1990s, it seemed to have worked its way down to your average, run-of-the-mill wedding. I personally consider them to be a pestilence on the face of the land. They’ve got all their cutesy, prepackaged, one-size-fits-all ‘wedding traditions’ that mostly deserve to be interred in a nuclear waste dump. I assume they’re the reason why the ‘Chicken Dance’ seems to have become a wedding standard. 'Nuff said. It’s not that I have any objection to whatever the bride and groom want, but one gets the feeling that it’s completely DJ-driven - this is something the DJ will include unless specifically forbidden to do so, so it’ll be there if the bride and groom never even _thought_ about the Chicken Dance, as long as they were dumb enough to hire a DJ. I’m also betting this is where any ‘tradition’ having the best man and maid/matron of honor (who may be total strangers) be showcased as they dance together came from; ditto the garter catcher putting the garter on the bouquet catcher’s leg, which is just creepy, IMHO. Kids, a wedding doesn’t _need_ a DJ. For music, you choose your dance music ahead of time, buy any music you want but don’t have, burn it all onto CDs, rent a sound system for the day, and have one member of your wedding party change discs as called for. That person can also make the usual announcements - i.e. time to cut the wedding cake/time for the bride to dance with her father/do the bouquet toss/whatever. It’s a lot cheaper, and you don’t have an obnoxious person taking over each wedding to make sure it’s ‘fun’ in the exact same way as everyone else’s wedding. At any rate, I’ve so far only run into the wedding-DJ phenomenon at weddings where the bride and groom were both in their 20s. I’ll be perfectly happy if (among my circle of friends, at least) it stays confined to that age group. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/9 "2003-09-07T12:37:35Z")
We had a DJ at our wedding but he did things the way we wanted, not the way he usually did. We specifically prohibited the Chicken Dance, even if someone requested it. He was very low key throughout and got a nice tip. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/10 "2003-09-07T15:12:26Z")
**whistlepig** , you have just described a day in HELL!!! I can’t stand weddings because they are so cliched. Just once could I go to one where some actual THOUGHT has been put into the proceedings? To me the whole thing is like karaoke: it’s watching amateurs perform under pressure (ie, badly). ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/11 "2003-09-07T15:14:33Z")
At 33, I am generally found stampeding with the rest of the herd away from the dance floor for the bouquet toss, too. Amazing how many of us need to pee or get a breath of fresh air all at once, no? That said, the chicken dance and the hokey pokey and maybe even the locomotion…none of those bother me at all. It’s just silly fun, and those have been traditions in my circle since I was little. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/12 "2003-09-07T15:20:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > > \*\*I assume they’re the reason why the ‘Chicken Dance’ seems to have become a wedding standard. \*\* What in hell is a “Chicken Dance”? This thread is the first time I’ve ever heard of it. > [@](#): > > \*\*I’m also betting this is where any ‘tradition’ having > > \ > > the garter catcher putting the garter on the bouquet catcher’s leg, which is just creepy, IMHO.\*\* Nope. First time I saw this “tradition” was at a wedding in the mid-80’s, and there was no DJ. Live music, provided by a folk/filk group who happened to be friends with the bride and groom (plus she worked for the husband of one of the members). No wedding is complete without hearing “Somebody’s Moggie”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/13 "2003-09-07T15:36:47Z")
**Whistlepig** since no one else has mentioned it: I am a tad concerned about the mangled grammar in the statement : > [@](#): > > the groom and brides father. I am dearly praying you did NOT mean what it sounded like to me!:eek: 😃 Anyway, I find wedding to be a source of free food, vacuous chatter and a chance to feel really superior for one day. Of course the last wedding I went to was a BDSM couple. So half the audience were bdsmers and the other half were vanillians wondering what all the grinning was about. I was the official photographer. ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/14 "2003-09-07T17:23:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morgyn \* > \*\ ***whistlepig** , you let your buddy down! Didn’t you know that every inch above the bouquet catcher’s knee the garter catcher pushes the garter is another year of luck for the bride and groom? > \*\* OK, I did mention that she was wearing pants. Getting the garter above her knee would have required a long reach or disrobing. Not that I would have minded. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/15 "2003-09-07T17:39:30Z")
“Apropos of the idea of the bouquet toss and thinking of “Who will be next?” now I can’t get the idea of out my mind that of gathering up all the old folks at a funeral and throwing them a casket wreath.” ---
**Author:** ![poiema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@poiema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poiema)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/16 "2003-09-07T18:00:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whistlepig \* > \*\* > The groom threw threw the garter. I literally had to drag single males onto the dance floor to make a crowd. They all said, “I’ve been married before, I don’t want to do it again.” (Yeah, it’s an effing hex if you catch the garter.) > > I caught the garter. It came to straight to me, but I had made it clear to the other guys that if the garter hit the floor and every guy stood around and stared at it, I’d be kicking their asses. (Mind you, I was the smallest guy in the group at 6 foot and 190 lb). > > The bride’s throwing the boqouet had few single women, mucho under 10 years old. And the bridesmaids, who were single but experienced, were diving for the exits. > Whistlepig \*\* i hate it when the single people don’t participate in the throwing things because of the old wives’ tales about being the next one. it’s silly. so, when’s your wedding? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/17 "2003-09-07T19:48:18Z")
The male catching the garter then placing it on the woman who caught the bouquet is NOT a wedding tradition! Good lord, how tacky can you get??? I defy you to find one etiquette reference that says this is okay. The garter removal is iffy, and the throwing of the garter is iffy, but the replacing of the garter on another woman is horrifying. One should never look too deeply into the well of symbolism, but if the removal of the garter alludes to the sexual deflowering of the bride, what on earth would it mean for a _total stranger_ to put the girdle _back_ on _some other woman_??? It sounds like you handled it with as much class as you possibly could and I’m sure the lady appreciated it, but my stars, what a ridiculous addition to the overdone wedding. ---
**Author:** ![tolyri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@tolyri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tolyri)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/18 "2003-09-08T00:02:56Z")
I’m going to a wedding next Saturday where the couple have requested that nobody bring dates. You can bring your husband/wife but if you are single (that includes engaged) you can not bring your boy/girlfriend unless they are specifically sent their own invitation. Something about the sanctity of marriage, I don’t think it’s a religious thing. Strangest thing I ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/19 "2003-09-08T01:58:57Z")
The last wedding we went to was a hick wedding. I’ve never seen so many smokers ( everyone but four of us) smoking. No one dancing. The music was awful, except for one AC/DC song that brought all the drunks by the bar out onto the floor. The DJ looked like he lived in a van down by the river and worked days as a Janitor. We split after an hour. (we had another committee, as well.) Never got a thank you note, either. That still pisses me off. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026/20 "2003-09-08T02:41:05Z")
Okay, I just gotta tell this one. If you think a hired DJ is bad, try an amature! Several years ago I got invited to the wedding of the son of friends from church. Nice wedding, good food and Johnny, the guy doing DJ duty for the dance, was paying all the good oldies. Everything was fine until the time came for the bride and groom’s first dance. John decided to play a nice romantic song. You know, something dramatic. Unfortunately, he didn’t think about the lyrics… Ready for it? “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”! Oops! Always hire a profesional! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-a-wedding-at-age-41/200026.md?page=2)