# Going to clubs/parties alone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780 "2005-10-18T18:19:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/1 "2005-10-18T18:19:51Z")
My husband will be away this weekend, which is really not a big deal because I will get a lot of work done when the house is quiet, and sometimes it’s nice to sleep uninterrupted by stray elbows and night farts. Problem is, there are two parties on Saturday night that I really cannot miss. One is the best live act in all of Toronto (in my humble opinion, of course) and the other is the latest in a series of parties that I keep trying to attend and never do. One of the reasons I never make it is because all my friends are losers who either can’t be roused out of their houses, or who cancel at the last minute. Not that I’m bitter. But last time I missed one I decided, no more, next time I will go by myself rather than not go at all. So I will go to both parties, probably alone. But these things always make me a bit nervous, because as a single woman going out alone I tend to attract some attention that I don’t like to attract. So the question: ladies, do you go to clubs/parties alone? How do you deal with unwanted suitors? Do you make friends with strangers without worrying that they’re just after your booty? Or really, for anyone: if you’re going out and have no interest in getting laid, (how) do you enjoy yourself if you’re by yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/2 "2005-10-18T19:17:38Z")
This is from the male perspective, but I was going to suggest simply not wearing makeup, and dressing casually enough to imply that you’re not “on the prowl,” as it were. Of course, I then I realized that, if I were single, that’d probably be the exact person I’d hit on. Thankfully, my significant other is already a big proponent of going _au naturel_ in that particular department. (And by hit on, I mean “furtively glance at for approximately half a millisecond and if I somehow actually make eye contact, blush, dash out the door and move to Belgium.” One wonders how I manage to leave my apartment sometimes. :)) ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/3 "2005-10-18T19:31:16Z")
Hhhhmmm I sympathize with your difficulties in getting friends to go anywhere beyond the sofa and the videostore… :mad: Being a male I can’t answer your questions… but don’t you have a nice gay friend ? He can give you company and ward off wanna be affairs. Otherwise as suggested above… dress casually. Be quite direct about your being married/committed. Good Luck ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/4 "2005-10-18T19:40:36Z")
> [@Treviathan](#): > > This is from the male perspective, but I was going to suggest simply not wearing makeup, and dressing casually enough to imply that you’re not “on the prowl,” as it were. That’s actually my usual style, with or without husband. And then, I find I get hit on not by the slicksters and players, but by the insecure men who seem to see me as not hot enough to really crush their egos if I reject them. Or just the ones who think I’m an easy mark, because obviously, since I’m not wearing lipstick, I’m never going to score. Seriously. One show I went to I felt like I was at a high school dance. Maybe I should try the opposite tack, get all dressed up and intimidate everyone with my super-attractiveness. **Rashak Mani** - no, not even gay friends will go out to party with me. I actually have a straight male friend who is my usual partner for these sorts of events but I think he’s busy on Saturday. I’ve been hanging out with him since long before I met my husband, and I find that his presence made me rather more successful in getting laid than if I had been with a girlfriend, for some reason. About being direct about my marriedness - that makes people bolt in the opposite direction. Which I guess is an inevitable consequence of being married. Lousy friends. See, I need to go to these parties and make new friends who like to go out at night. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/5 "2005-10-18T19:51:33Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > Maybe I should try the opposite tack, get all dressed up and intimidate everyone with my super-attractiveness. HAHA ! That certainly might work… you certainly will get hit on by fewer men… I certainly have seen very attractive women being intimidating to the point of being left alone. > [@](#): > > Lousy friends. See, I need to go to these parties and make new friends who like to go out at night. I have different friends for different kind of activities… but unfortunately by “Party” and “Rave going” friends are engaged or in new relationships. So I know how you feel. I hate going to a party alone… even if I do find other friends there. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/6 "2005-10-18T20:10:56Z")
> [@Rashak Mani](#): > > So I know how you feel. I hate going to a party alone… even if I do find other friends there. Are you free on Saturday night? Maybe we can work something out … ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/7 "2005-10-18T21:44:16Z")
(sigh) You do have a genuine dilemma, and it should not be so. I’m not blowing my own horn here, but I’m a male, and when I wind up at things such as this, I seem to give off some kind of “vibes” that say “I’m a happily married dude and I have no interest in hitting on you.” Or whatever. But I have no problems with being at ease and talking to women, and they seem to be at ease talking with me. So, perhaps, if your “radar” lets you identify such folk, you could maybe socialize among that group and thus avoid the wolves? ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/8 "2005-10-19T01:31:03Z")
Do you wear a wedding ring? That is usually a good indicator that you regard yourself as married. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/9 "2005-10-19T01:55:13Z")
I feel your pain cowgirl. I am a single male, and I love going to live music, dance clubs, and parties. Unfortunately, being single, I don’t get out much, mostly due to the fact that my friends are losers that don’t like getting out of the cave. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/10 "2005-10-19T02:39:52Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > That’s actually my usual style, with or without husband. And then, I find I get hit on not by the slicksters and players, but by the insecure men who seem to see me as not hot enough to really crush their egos if I reject them. Or just the ones who think I’m an easy mark, because obviously, since I’m not wearing lipstick, I’m never going to score. Some dudes find that no make-up and casual dress is a sign of confidence, which is highly sexy. So, uh, how _you_ doin’?! ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/11 "2005-10-19T03:24:21Z")
I think you’re being a little presumptuous. Yes, I realize a lot of guys will chat you up with the original intent of possibly hooking up with you. But damn, we’re (us guys) not THAT damned one deminsional! 😉 I think it’s ok to talk to these guys along as they keep the conversation plutonic. It also doesn’t hurt to _casually_ mention that you’re married at the begining of the conversation. \*I emphisize the word _casually_, because nothing annoys me more when I start talking to a girl; and before I can even finish my first sentence she blurts out: “OH I"M MARRIED.” It’s like "OK, :dubious: thaks for sharing but I was just going to say how great the food is here tonight.’ again :dubious: ’ ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/12 "2005-10-19T06:48:54Z")
Walk with a pronounced limp and use a [cane made from a bull’s penis](http://cgi.ebay.com/BULL-Penis-WALKING-Stick-CANE-Taxidermy-GREAT-GIFT-NR_W0QQitemZ5619800098QQcategoryZ1469QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting). Bothersome male attention will fall off appreciably and you’ll have an ice breaker for starting conversations. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/13 "2005-10-19T12:27:33Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > Are you free on Saturday night? Maybe we can work something out … I’m not free unfortunately (Wedding to go) and I don’t know where Canukistan is ! 😃 I do appreciate the invitation though ! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/14 "2005-10-19T17:19:41Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > …I think it’s ok to talk to these guys along as they keep the conversation **plutonic**. It also doesn’t hurt to _casually_ mention that you’re married at the begining of the conversation… **Bolding is mine…** Why limit the conversation to [igneous rock stata](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%3A+plutonic)? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/15 "2005-10-19T18:47:12Z")
> [@cowgirl](#): > > So the question: ladies, do you go to clubs/parties alone? How do you deal with unwanted suitors? Do you make friends with strangers without worrying that they’re just after your booty? Yes. It’s never been a problem (of course, “look like me” is probably not an option - or at least probably not one you can achieve by this weekend). And has never been an issue. > [@](#): > > Or really, for anyone: if you’re going out and have no interest in getting laid, (how) do you enjoy yourself if you’re by yourself? By doing whatever activity I’m going out for. I assume that if I’m going to a club/party, I’m there for a reason - I enjoy myself by doing that. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/16 "2005-10-19T19:05:52Z")
I agree with **SHAKES** about many women being way too defensive. I hate having to start conversations with “I’m not hitting on you, but…” OTOH, I understand why so many people have problems. I guess my best advice is: Don’t forget your wedding ring, be friendly but not flirtatious, and don’t accept drinks bought for you by other men. I think there’s definitely a “not available” vibe people can send out. I also wonder how much it would be to hire an escort for the evening in many cases. Probably too expensive. I’ve often through about hiring myself out as a chaparone for bachelorette parties, so that the girls can go crazy, but no go past any of their personal limits. Anyway, somerthing to think about. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/17 "2005-10-19T19:27:23Z")
I’ve never had a problem. I just go and talk to people and act like I would on any other occassion. If someone tried to hit on me, I say “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” and that is that. Not every guy who talks to you is a predator. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/18 "2005-10-19T20:25:40Z")
> [@Necros](#): > > I agree with **SHAKES** about many women being way too defensive. I hate having to start conversations with “I’m not hitting on you, but…” I know there are plenty of guys like you and **SHAKES** out there. I guess y’all just don’t go to the same clubs I do. I am going to go to see the band. I just hate the set breaks, when I sit at the table alone and try not to be too obvious in my people-watching. I can’t really bring a book … I do like the bull penis cane idea, though. Do you think it’s available with an electrified tip, cattle-prod style? That would certainly help during morning rush hour! ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/19 "2005-10-19T21:56:32Z")
This is undoubtedly a stupid question, but have you asked your SO about it? In any case, accept that you will get lots of sexual attention. Be careful, watch your drink, and be firm in where your boundaries are, and you should be fine. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780/20 "2005-10-19T22:07:36Z")
> [@Treviathan](#): > > This is from the male perspective, but I was going to suggest simply not wearing makeup, and dressing casually enough to imply that you’re not “on the prowl,” as it were. As has been mentioned, this almost always has the opposite effect. I get hit on much, much more when I am shluping around with no makeup, sloppy hair, and my “not cute” clothes. To answer the OP: I don’t go alone. To begin with, I never feel safe if I am alone in a settings where people are drinking and such. Secondly, being hit on over and over and over is annoying (and I do not mean this in a cocky way at all, just stating a fact)- sometimes you just want to go and hang out with friends/eat dinner/ have a drink and not be bothered. I imagine it depends on where you are going: will you know people (even just “sorta”) when you get there? If so, I’d do it. If you are just going to a big, faceless club- I might be a little warey. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-clubs-parties-alone/326780.md?page=2)