# Going to support groups you don't need. Ethical? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 29, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991 "2015-11-29T23:08:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/1 "2015-11-29T23:08:47Z")
I’ve got a little dilemma. I’m writing a story in which one of the main characters is a recovering alcoholic. One of the major scenes takes place inside an AA meeting. I want to make sure I do it justice, however: 1. I’m not an alcoholic and never have been. 2. I don’t even drink. 3. I don’t know any alcoholics in real life or online, and even if I did I’d feel very awkward about asking them for feedback. My question is this: Would it be ethical for me to attend an AA meeting, even though I don’t need it, just for research purposes? I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just sit at the back of the room and get a sense of things. I wouldn’t use anybody’s real life testimony in my story (indeed, the scene is already 90% written), and I wouldn’t write anything which could _possibly_ identify anybody in the room, and I’d only go once. At the moment, I’m thinking that it’s _not_ ethical. You see, on the one hand, I wouldn’t be directly hurting anybody, and the point of the exercise would be to avoid stereotypes and cliche’s and write about an AA meeting in a realistic, sympathetic light. On the other hand, the people in the meeting are sharing their stories on the assumption that everyone listening can empathise with what they’re going through, and I can’t, so it would be a betrayal of their trust. I’m pretty much decided that it’s a terrible idea and that I won’t do it, but I was curious to see what you all think. ---
**Author:** ![dizzee\_dee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@dizzee\_dee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dizzee_dee)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/2 "2015-11-29T23:23:27Z")
You could go early before the meeting started and ask the organizer if it would be ok. Tell them what you said here and see what they say. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/3 "2015-11-29T23:31:48Z")
Why not contact your local AA and tell them exactly what you want to do and why, and ask if they are willing or able to help you out? The help might be more in the form of proofreading what you’ve written for plausibility/authenticity or putting you in contact with selected individuals who are willing to share, or maybe they can help arrange for you to attend a meeting with the knowledge and agreement of all involved so it’s not ethically dubious. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/4 "2015-11-29T23:43:17Z")
I would vote not ethical. The vulnerable people in the meeting should be able to trust that the others are in the same situation. You may also be taking up some of the resources of the meeting. The moderator may call on you or other people in the meeting may start talking with you for support. You would be put in a position of having to fess up or lie. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/5 "2015-11-29T23:47:51Z")
You’re correct that it would be extremely unethical for you to do this without contacting the group first. I also imagine that a little directed research would get you plenty of first-hand, sympathetic accounts about what an AA meeting is like. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/6 "2015-11-29T23:54:38Z")
I think you might be overthinking this. [AA](http://www.aa-intergroup.org/aboutaa.php) has open meetings, which can be attended by anyone, and also closed meetings, which are limited to AA members and prospective members only. > [@](#): > > Open speaker meetings — open to alcoholics and nonalcoholics. (**Attendance at an open A.A. meeting is the best way to learn what A.A. is, what it does, and what it does not do.)** At speaker meetings, A.A. members “tell their stories.” They describe their experiences with alcohol, how they came to A.A., and how their lives have changed as a result of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bolding mine. I think it would be OK for anyone to attend who wants to learn about AA. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2015, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/7 "2015-11-29T23:58:57Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > [AA](http://www.aa-intergroup.org/aboutaa.php) has open meetings, which can be attended by anyone Oh, neat. Comment withdrawn. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2015, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/8 "2015-11-30T00:40:29Z")
This year I visited a friend who invited me to join her at her (open) AA and NA meetings. At the NA meeting, I simply sat quietly and listened, and met some of her friends afterward. The AA meeting was smaller and more casual (it was a Sunday morning “eatin’ meetin’” [potluck]), and I met everyone before the meeting started and said a few words toward the end about how I appreciated their hospitality and allowing me to hear their stories. A good time was had by all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2015, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/9 "2015-11-30T01:12:33Z")
As indicated, Open meetings are fine. That is one big reason why they exist and people of all types go to them for whatever reason whether it is for supporting a family member, education or even simple curiosity. What you are asking about isn’t rare or unwelcome in the least. All that is asked is that you are respectful and drop $1 in the donation bowl when it comes around if you want to. For the purposes of story writing, I have noticed that there are a whole lot of misconceptions about AA in general so don’t rely on what you think you know about it. Just find a large Open meeting and see what you think. Those are designed to be welcoming to absolutely everyone. One thing you may want to learn about yourself is that it is not a cult, there are no leaders at all and the membership is extremely diverse ranging from world renowned doctors and CEO’s to homeless people. Your story will benefit if it realistic because there are literally tens of millions of people that have first-hand experiences about how the meetings work and they are very repetitive and predictable by design. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2015, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/10 "2015-11-30T01:39:12Z")
Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it. I didn’t know about open meetings. I’ll go to one of them. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/11 "2015-11-30T01:43:12Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I think you might be overthinking this. [AA](http://www.aa-intergroup.org/aboutaa.php) has open meetings, which can be attended by anyone, and also closed meetings, which are limited to AA members and prospective members only. > > Bolding mine. I think it would be OK for anyone to attend who wants to learn about AA. I was going to say the same thing. p.s. OP, you know alcoholics, both active and sober. You just don’t know THAT they are alcoholics. ---
**Author:** ![NeonMadman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58f4c7/32.png) [@NeonMadman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NeonMadman)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2015, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/12 "2015-11-30T22:04:04Z")
In college, I was required to attend an open AA meeting as part of my Intro Psych 101 course. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2015, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/going-to-support-groups-you-dont-need-ethical/738991/13 "2015-12-01T04:38:21Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it. I didn’t know about open meetings. I’ll go to one of them. I would honestly love to hear about your impressions once you have gone to one and I am sure other people would too. Keep us posted.