# $!%#\* Golf!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 26, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397 "2011-07-26T16:07:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/1 "2011-07-26T16:07:36Z")
Two weeks ago, my fair mistress, you teased me with drives striped down the middle and iron shots of a deftness that indicated a golden age of Gangster Octopus golf playing. Then yesterday you fucking snatched it all away with drives that were pushed, pulled, and spun everywhere but the fairway. You grabbed my irons and chunked them into the ground, sprayed the ball into the bunkers and behind trees and completely fucked my game. Fuck you Golf! You are a cruel heartless bitch mistress with the head of a snake and the body of a snake and the feet of a snake (leave me alone, I’m on a roll). You make me sick to my stomach. So…I’ll see you this weekend, right? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/2 "2011-07-26T16:12:36Z")
As a rant, I’d say this one was sub-par. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/3 "2011-07-26T16:16:37Z")
Yeah, I’d like to add that this phenomenon is applicable to pretty much all forms of golf-like activity. In particular, it’s extremely applicable to disc golf. It’s such a bitchy game. I’ll be consistently getting under par for weeks at a time, making epic drives and clutch 50-foot putts. I’m awesome! I’m a rock star! You can’t hang with me, son! And suddenly, for no apparent reason, I’m pulling, pushing, throwing into trees, chucking 'em into the ground, or flipping 'em over and nearly decapitating the poor schmucks on the next tee pad. But I keep going back. Siiiigh. Both games just require SO MUCH coordination of moving parts that if you develop a small hitch somewhere in your swing, everything goes to shit. By the way, I no longer play “disc golf”. I shall be referring to it as “snake feet” in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/4 "2011-07-26T16:21:51Z")
I’ll be teeing off at 4:40 this afternoon. And I completely feel your pain. Anyone who says golf isn’t a real sport has never played the game. All it takes is one shitty shot to completely screw a hole. Par 5? In front of the green in 2? Oh, here let me shank the next one into the fucking bunker, that will take 2 more shots to get out of, and then 3 putt for a snowman. Yeah. It’s a love/hate relationship all right. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/5 "2011-07-26T16:31:45Z")
Most of what I know about golf is from watching _Curb Your Enthusiasm_. Considering how much aggravation it causes for Larry David, golf doesn’t seem like much fun. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/6 "2011-07-26T16:35:55Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > As a rant, I’d say this one was sub-par. Sorry, I was simply trying to drive home the point that no matter how you slice it, Golf is pretty rough. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/7 "2011-07-26T16:42:02Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Most of what I know about golf is from watching _Curb Your Enthusiasm_. > > Considering how much aggravation it causes for Larry David, golf doesn’t seem like much fun. Well, you get to drink beer while playing it, so it’s got that going for it. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/8 "2011-07-26T16:44:46Z")
I cannot comment on the OP’s rant as there is every possibility it is I who wrote it. My next call will be to my psychiatrist to explore the possibility that I suffer from split-personalities. And a horrible slice. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/9 "2011-07-26T16:46:22Z")
I played TPC Sawgrass last week. A word to the wise, if you put your ball in the rough as often as moi, don’t play at a place named for its abundance of Sawgrass. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/10 "2011-07-26T16:47:13Z")
The OP describes my feelings to a tee. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/11 "2011-07-26T16:58:08Z")
From the the first time I played golf, I was hooked. Then I was sliced. Then I was shanked. Then I was chili-dipped. Then I made a par, and it became the best game in the world. ---
**Author:** ![heavyarms553](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/779978/32.png) [@heavyarms553](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heavyarms553)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/12 "2011-07-26T16:58:47Z")
A little birdie told me there were golf puns in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/13 "2011-07-26T17:19:58Z")
> [@heavyarms553](#): > > A little birdie told me there were golf puns in this thread. Nice post, Alliss. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/14 "2011-07-26T17:28:50Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Nice post, Alliss. Didn’t even make it past the ladies’ tee. And we all know what _that_ means. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/15 "2011-07-26T17:34:13Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Well, you get to drink beer while playing it, so it’s got that going for it. Plus, you get to hang out at the beach! ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/16 "2011-07-26T17:53:57Z")
Or in the drink. I gave up golf 10 years ago after I realized my putter was in the lake, my driver was wrapped around a tree and don’t even ask about the three iron. ---
**Author:** ![mkecane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@mkecane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mkecane)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/17 "2011-07-26T17:57:54Z")
What about the three iron? ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/18 "2011-07-26T18:10:37Z")
Put it this way…the goat was not happy. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/19 "2011-07-26T20:42:34Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Well, you get to drink beer while playing it, so it’s got that going for it. If you drink, don’t drive. Hell, don’t even putt! ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/20 "2011-07-26T20:50:02Z")
It’s awesome that this thread came up just as I was talking in my MPSIMS thread about how my counselor recommended golf as a nice, relaxing form of low-impact exercise that could help clear my mind and build my self-esteem. In other words, my counselor doesn’t play golf. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397.md?page=2)