# $!%#\* Golf!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 26, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397 "2011-07-26T16:07:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/21 "2011-07-26T21:32:52Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > If you drink, don’t drive. Hell, don’t even putt! Drive for show, putt for uncontrollable, apoplectic rage. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/22 "2011-07-26T21:51:55Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > As a rant, I’d say this one was sub-par. Of course, that’s a good thing here, isn’t it? A birdie at least, right? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/23 "2011-07-27T04:02:31Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > As a rant, I’d say this one was sub-par. fore/10 ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/24 "2011-07-27T11:55:47Z")
\ If the object of golf is to hit the ball as few times as possible, why hit it in the first place? \ ---
**Author:** ![mske](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mske](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mske)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/25 "2011-07-27T15:00:33Z")
I do not claim credit for these, and note that some of them are in extremely poor taste, but various shots can be named. **Teeing Off** The Princess Grace - Should have used the driver. The Princess Diana - Shouldn’t have used the driver. **From the Fairway** The JFK Jr. - Shouldn’t have gone over the water. **Around the Green** The Hitler - Two shots in the bunker. **Putting** The Rock Hudson - Looked straight, but wasn’t. **Generic** The Barbara Streisand - Ugly, but still works. There are more, but these are all I remember right now. Feel free to add to the list. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/26 "2011-07-27T15:32:20Z")
Golf slang? You mean besides, “Goddamnit, mother-effing, cocksnorkling, fucking putter!!!” I’ve always enjoyed my dad’s euphemism for a drive you’ve gotten under, that pops straight up and only goes about 50 yards. “That’s an elephant’s ass; it’s high and it stinks.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/27 "2011-07-27T18:27:15Z")
I’ve certainly hit a few Hitlers in my day. **The Jimmy Hoffa:** Any shot that results in a ball that disappears in the rough and is unlikely to be found. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/28 "2011-07-27T18:36:03Z")
Is there one called the **Sonny Bono**? ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/29 "2011-07-27T19:15:57Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Is there one called the **Sonny Bono**? If there is then I’ve hit more of them then anyone I know. I can hit a branch the size of a gnats ass from the middle of the fairway and have it land ten feet from me. Now I don’t know if I should go golfing tonight or something else. ---
**Author:** ![newcomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e5b9ba/32.png) [@newcomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcomer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/30 "2011-07-27T19:21:50Z")
According to Larry David, you seem to be far from Acceptance 😃 > **[Fore!](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/07/04/fore-larry-david)** > > SHOUTS AND MURMURS casual about the stages of golf grief. On the fourteenth hole at Riviera, I hit my tee shot a mere ninety yards and a physics-defying … ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397/31 "2011-07-27T19:33:31Z")
I haven’t been frustrated by a golf course in almost a year. I’m jonesing bad, man! Hitting balls at the driving range just isn’t the same. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/golf/590397.md?page=1)