# Good jokes you've heard recently **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949 "2012-12-13T20:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/21 "2012-12-16T02:05:59Z")
We were playing cards with friends last night, the subject of earthquakes somehow came up, which eventually led to someone saying: “Richter? Hell, damn near killed her!” I guess you had to have been there. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/22 "2012-12-16T02:56:28Z")
What does Mrs. Claus and the female reindeer do on Xmas eve?? They go into town and blow a few bucks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/23 "2012-12-16T05:14:01Z")
Knock knock. Who’s there? Impatient cow. Impa- MOO! ---
**Author:** ![pwmeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@pwmeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pwmeek)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/24 "2012-12-16T16:11:20Z")
This Scottish guy goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskies, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, “What the hell is that?” The barman says, “It’s a moose.” The Scottish chap says, “Damn! How big are the cats?” ---
**Author:** ![pwmeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@pwmeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pwmeek)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/25 "2012-12-16T16:13:41Z")
Joker: Here’s a knock-knock joke - Say knock-knock. Victim: Knock-knock Joker: Who’s there? Victim: … ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/26 "2012-12-17T05:05:14Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Knock knock. > Who’s there? > Impatient cow. > Impa- > MOO! I heard this told as “interrupting” cow, but it works your way too. ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/27 "2012-12-17T07:28:53Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > A small, well-dressed man enters a Belfast pub late one night. Everyone glowers at him, and a huge bruiser soon gets up, walks over to him and asks threateningly, “Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?” > > “Why, neither,” the new guy says, sipping his beer. “I’m Jewish.” > > The bruiser is a bit taken aback at first, but then he snarls, “Are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew?” I thought the punchline to that was “I must be the luckiest Muslim in Belfast!” ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/28 "2012-12-17T13:59:07Z")
> [@pwmeek](#): > > Joker: Here’s a knock-knock joke - Say knock-knock. > > Victim: Knock-knock > > Joker: Who’s there? > > Victim: … I’ve gotten a few people this way. After a series of knock-knock jokes: You: “Wanna hear a \\* knock knock joke?” Vic: “Okay” You: “You start” Vic: “Knock knock” You: “Who’s there” Vic: “Uhhhhh” My success rate is ~70% - I use “Newfie” ETA contribution: What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs with 50 male deer? 100 sows and bucks! ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/29 "2012-12-17T14:45:50Z")
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Rob-ER-to ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/30 "2012-12-17T15:49:58Z")
The sign read FOR LEASE. The tag below read NAVIDAD. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/31 "2012-12-17T15:53:36Z")
> [@Chef\_Troy](#): > > “It looks like you blew a seal.” “Just fix the damn thing and leave my personal life out of it, okay?” …nod to Kip Adotta and “Wet Dream”… ---
**Author:** ![Mops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mops/32/16494_2.png) [@Mops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mops)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/32 "2012-12-17T15:57:19Z")
How does a mother know her young son is going to design programming languages one day? She tells him: “Get me two litres of milk from the store. If they have eggs, get me six”. The store does have eggs. Son comes home with six litres of milk. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/33 "2012-12-17T16:07:14Z")
> [@Mops](#): > > How does a mother know her young son is going to design programming languages one day? > > She tells him: “Get me two litres of milk from the store. If they have eggs, get me six”. > The store does have eggs. > Son comes home with six litres of milk. Speaking of programmers… Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/34 "2012-12-17T16:45:28Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC. How have I never learned this coincidence before??? Thank you! (oh, and I chuckled too - funny and educational!) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/35 "2012-12-17T16:54:17Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > Speaking of programmers… > > Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? > > Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![dexter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dc4da7/32.png) [@dexter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dexter)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/36 "2012-12-17T17:05:49Z")
An old programmer joke: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? It can’t be done, it’s a hardware problem. ---
**Author:** ![dexter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dc4da7/32.png) [@dexter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dexter)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/37 "2012-12-17T17:08:56Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I don’t get it. 31 OCT = the number 31 in octal (base 8) = 25 DEC the number 25 in decimal (base 10) ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/38 "2012-12-17T17:09:59Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I don’t get it. The value “31” in octal (base 8) is expressed as “25” in decimal (base-10) 31 octal = 3\*8 + 1 = 25 decimal ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/39 "2012-12-17T17:12:08Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I don’t get it. To answer your specific question. It’s on the basis of a Base 8 versus Base 10 system of counting wherein month 10 would be 12 on the base-8 system and 31 would be 25 on the base 8 system as well. Therefore 10-31 = 12-25 when converted over. To answer your question more specifically, nobody gets it. Nobody. One person, one time, somewhere in history, figured out this useless tidbit of knowledge and shared it with his mathematically inclined friends in the form of a riddle. Then, he had to explain it to them because even they didn’t get the joke until it was laid out to them. After that, the joke went around from group to group as a way to show they were in the know even though not a single person in the history of history could have guessed the punchline, let alone understood this joke, before it was explained to them. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/40 "2012-12-17T17:12:10Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I don’t get it. > [@dexter](#): > > 31 OCT = the number 31 in octal (base 8) = 25 DEC the number 25 in decimal (base 10) Programming can be really dull and tedious sometimes. In that context it’s funny. There are some really funny software jokes, but they mostly involve berating users, managers, and Microsoft. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=3)