# Good jokes you've heard recently **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949 "2012-12-13T20:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/41 "2012-12-17T17:56:36Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There are some really funny software jokes, but they mostly involve berating users, managers, and Microsoft. One word (well, [del]abbreviation[/del] [del]acronym[/del] initialism\*) - [BOFH](https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups=#!topic/alt.tasteless/W9u1mvR78LA) - Pedants!!! ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/42 "2012-12-17T17:58:43Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > To answer your question more specifically, nobody gets it. Nobody. > … > [N]ot a single person in the history of history could have guessed the punchline, **let alone understood this joke** , before it was explained to them. Chalk me down as one who didn’t guess the punchline, but “got” it immediately when divulged. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/43 "2012-12-17T19:45:17Z")
Don’t mean to brag, but I got it. Been a programmer for almost 30 years, so that probably helps. ETA: Oh, sorry… you meant could’ve guessed the punchline. No, I couldn’t’ve. But that’s true of many jokes, no? ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/44 "2012-12-17T20:43:00Z")
Not new jokes; but old favorites nonetheless. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts to. Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. How much calcium does a kiss have? Enough to make a bone about this big [hold fingers about 6-7 inches apart]. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/45 "2012-12-18T01:53:39Z")
What was the name of the first Russian computer programmer? Onovon Ovanov ---
**Author:** ![VanillaGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f9ae1b/32.png) [@VanillaGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VanillaGorilla)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/46 "2012-12-18T07:02:40Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > What was the name of the first Russian computer programmer? > > Onovon Ovanov Explain, please? :o ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/47 "2012-12-18T07:34:28Z")
On off on off on off … The vacuum-tube switches corresponding to a binary sequence 101010? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/48 "2012-12-18T14:26:29Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > . After that, the joke went around from group to group as a way to show they were in the know even though not a single person in the history of history could have guessed the punchline, let alone understood this joke, before it was explained to them. There are 10 kinds of people that understand that joke. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/49 "2012-12-18T14:30:00Z")
> [@dexter](#): > > 31 OCT = the number 31 in octal (base 8) = 25 DEC the number 25 in decimal (base 10) Thanks to you and the others who explained it. Another one: Three statisticians go hunting. As they’re walking through the woods, rifles in hand, a deer runs nearby. One statistitican shoots just ahead of the deer. The second shoots just behind it. The third shouts, “We got it!” ---
**Author:** ![wei\_ji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wei\_ji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wei_ji)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/50 "2012-12-18T20:04:21Z")
True story. In a small town in Alaska, there were two murders of spouses over the period of less than a year. In both cases, the victim was wrapped in a plastic tarp and dumped. The male killed by his wife was wrapped in a green tarp and dumped in the back yard, which “nosy” neighbors reported to police. The woman murdered by her husband was wrapped in a blue tarp, weighted with chain and anchor, and dumped off a dock. During the husband’s murder trial over the latter incident, the prosecutor brought out the fact that various jokes were making the rounds locally: –There’s now a three-day waiting period on buying a tarp in town. –Green if for boys; blue is for girls. I’m particularly fond of an entry in the Bulwar-Lytton Fiction Contest of bad opening sentences: –Beyond the narrows, the river widens. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/51 "2012-12-18T20:52:48Z")
I love the [Dark and Stormy’s](http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/index.html) “Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them “permanently” meant the next ten minuts or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee.” Jim Gleeson, 2007 winner ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/52 "2012-12-18T21:25:21Z")
The Mayan Long Count weather forecast: [http://i.imgur.com/bvmXo.png](http://i.imgur.com/bvmXo.png) ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/53 "2012-12-18T21:49:12Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > To answer your specific question. It’s on the basis of a Base 8 versus Base 10 system of counting wherein month 10 would be 12 on the base-8 system and 31 would be 25 on the base 8 system as well. Therefore 10-31 = 12-25 when converted over. > > To answer your question more specifically, nobody gets it. Nobody. One person, one time, somewhere in history, figured out this useless tidbit of knowledge and shared it with his mathematically inclined friends in the form of a riddle. Then, he had to explain it to them because even they didn’t get the joke until it was laid out to them. After that, the joke went around from group to group as a way to show they were in the know even though not a single person in the history of history could have guessed the punchline, let alone understood this joke, before it was explained to them. I taught seventh grade math. I got it, and I also have the t-shirt which I would wear to school. Of course I’m old enough to remember new math where we did a lot of bases in seventh grade along with sets. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/54 "2012-12-18T22:12:16Z")
A man carrying a briefcase walks into a bank in Miami. The receptionist says, “May I help you?” “Yeah”, he replies. “I want a open a fucking bank account!” The startled receptionist says, “Uh, excuse me?” “I said, I wanna open a fucking bank account!” In a lowered voice, the receptionist says, “Sir, this is a respectable financial institution. I’ll thank you not to use such language!” “Look, I want to open a fucking bank account, can you help me or can’t you?!” Wordlessly, the receptionist gets up and walks into the back. A minute later she emerges alongside the bank president, who is buttoning his coat as he regards the man cooly. “Is there a problem here?”, the bank president asks. Rolling his eyes, the man gestures with the briefcase and answers, “Yeah. I got three million dollars here and I want to open a fucking bank account!” The bank president recoils in shock: _“And this bitch is giving you trouble?!”_ ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/55 "2012-12-19T04:08:26Z")
> [@Nature\_s\_Call](#): > > I love the [Dark and Stormy’s](http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/index.html) > > “Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them “permanently” meant the next ten minuts or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee.” > Jim Gleeson, 2007 winner I thought that sounded familiar. That’s our own _ **Boyo Jim** _! ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/56 "2012-12-19T04:23:48Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I thought that sounded familiar. That’s our own _ **Boyo Jim** _! Colour me impressed! That’s my favourite by far! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/57 "2012-12-19T13:39:22Z")
> [@Nature\_s\_Call](#): > > Colour me impressed! That’s my favourite by far! Wow, thank you! I am honored. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/58 "2012-12-20T05:09:47Z")
Did you hear about the Buddhist who went into a burger joint and asked the guy behind the counter to make him one with everything? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/59 "2012-12-20T05:14:56Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Did you hear about the Buddhist who went into a burger joint and asked the guy behind the counter to make him one with everything? 😃 And when he asked for his change, the counter guy said “Change must come from within.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/60 "2012-12-20T05:19:50Z")
A beautiful woman is sunbathing nude on the roof of her high-rise when she slips and falls over the railing. She plummets three stories and is miraculously caught by a guy standing out on his balcony. Neither one can believe their good fortune. They stare at each other for a moment before the guy asks “Do you suck?” The woman gives a nervous laugh and says “No!” So the guy drops her. She falls another three stories and is caught again. This time, the guy asks “Do you fuck?” She says “No!” and gets dropped again. She falls another three stories and is caught again. This time, she cries “I FUCK! I SUCK!” The guy says “Slut!” and drops her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=4)