# Good jokes you've heard recently **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949 "2012-12-13T20:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 69
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1362 "2014-03-28T06:16:33Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > Once again, this is not the “Jokes You Have to Explain” thread. So sorry, there I go showing off my erudition over obscure salad leaves and little-known songs by fringe performers. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1363 "2014-03-28T12:00:26Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > So sorry, there I go showing off my erudition over obscure salad leaves and little-known songs by fringe performers. :smack: Plus it’s more commonly called arugula in the US. “Arugula. It’s a ve-ge-ta-ble”. - Steve Martin, _My Blue Heaven_ ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1364 "2014-03-28T12:52:25Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Plus it’s more commonly called arugula in the US. > > “Arugula. It’s a ve-ge-ta-ble”. - Steve Martin, _My Blue Heaven_ If I hear someone say “arugula”, I have to blurt out “aaahROOOOOgula!”…it sounds like an old-timey car horn. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1365 "2014-03-28T13:19:10Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > If I hear someone say “arugula”, I have to blurt out “aaahROOOOOgula!”…it sounds like an old-timey car horn. I always hear [Martha Stewart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBXOCeTdpWM) barking it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1366 "2014-03-28T16:27:22Z")
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel! ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1367 "2014-03-28T16:51:57Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > “Arugula. It’s a ve-ge-ta-ble”. - Steve Martin, _My Blue Heaven_ One of my favorite movie lines. Really. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1368 "2014-03-28T18:24:02Z")
“Do you know how to save a bigot from drowning?” “No.” “Good!” I told that to someone once and he asked, “What’s a bigot?” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1369 "2014-03-28T18:28:51Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Priceless! I kept hearing Tommy Chong. 😃 I’ve wondered whether those are the only three words Tommy Chong knows. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1370 "2014-03-28T19:27:49Z")
How many cops does it take to push a scumbag down the stairs? None. He tripped and fell. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1371 "2014-03-28T19:37:33Z")
Superman: All right, funny man, I have one for you. Knock-knock. His mark: \ Who’s there? Superman: Kltpzyxm! His mark: kltpzyxM wh-- Ohhh! Oh, shhh- ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1372 "2014-03-28T23:37:17Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Plus it’s more commonly called arugula in the US. > > “Arugula. It’s a ve-ge-ta-ble”. - Steve Martin, _My Blue Heaven_ Oh, I’m sorry. No more non-American references in jokes then, it might make someone have to spend five seconds Googling when they would rather not. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1373 "2014-03-29T00:09:26Z")
Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer and a mop. ---
**Author:** ![RadioWave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RadioWave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioWave)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1374 "2014-03-29T00:17:39Z")
Here’s one I just made up for my 5 year old… Q. What do French frogs eat? A. French flies. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1375 "2014-03-29T00:30:36Z")
^ The internet Ninja’d you. 😃 > **[Google](https://www.google.com/#q=French+frogs+eat%3F+%22French+flies%22)** > > Celebrating Willi Ninja! #GoogleDoodle ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1376 "2014-03-29T16:06:21Z")
Last week, someone stole my identity. Today, they showed up at my door, begging me to take it back. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1377 "2014-03-29T16:20:10Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Oh, I’m sorry. No more non-American references in jokes then, it might make someone have to spend five seconds Googling when they would rather not. :rolleyes: I did Google “lollo rosso” [an unfamiliar term to me; I am familiar with arugula] and it did only take about five seconds, but it didn’t help me understand the “joke.” Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1378 "2014-03-29T16:35:42Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > “How do you save a (pick an ethnic/religious/social group member) from drowning?” > “I don’t know.” > “Good.” A [ETHNIC #1], a [ETHNIC #2], and an [ETHNIC #3] jump off the Empire State Building at the same time. Which one hits the ground first? Who cares?!? The next day, a [ETHNIC #1], a [ETHNIC #2], a [ETHNIC #3] jump off the Empire State Building. Which one hits the ground first? The [ETHNIC #3]. The [ETHNIC #1] has to stop and ask directions, and the [ETHNIC #2] stops to spray-paint on the walls. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1379 "2014-03-29T16:56:00Z")
What did the Police artist draw when the woman described her assailant as “Blond, blue-eyed, and six feet tall”? A [ETHNIC]. What did she say when she saw the picture? “THAT’S HIM!!!” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1380 "2014-03-29T17:24:00Z")
When a suspect in a rape case was arrested, the woman victim was presented with a lineup. The suspect, a [ETHNIC], said, “Yep…that’s her!” ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949/1381 "2014-03-29T17:45:58Z")
Why was Bert doing the pigeon? Because Ernie said,“Not tonight hun I have a headache.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=68) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-jokes-youve-heard-recently/643949.md?page=70)