# Good parenting or psychopathic parenting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 10, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406 "2012-04-10T21:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/1 "2012-04-10T21:01:00Z")
False dilemma of course, but the title grabs you. I was reminded earlier of the fact that when my youngest was about three years old, she wouldn’t change her behavior if I put her in a timeout (heck, she wouldn’t stay in the timeout) but, somehow, I discovered that if I put _one of her stuffed animals_ in timeout, she became exceedingly compliant. Mind you, it wasn’t because she wanted the animal back. She wasn’t saying things like “give me that!” or “I want that!” Rather, she was saying “But he’s cold up there!” and “He doesn’t like it up there!” And on this basis, she would stop doing hte thing I wanted her to stop doing. So… I wonder what people in general would think of this. It got results. It didn’t involve hitting. On the other hand–I was, in a way, _forcing compliance by holding her friend hostage_. That sounds kind of bad, doesn’t it? Anyway, not an advice thread, just kind of an informal poll. I’m curious. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/2 "2012-04-10T21:02:36Z")
I think it’s brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/3 "2012-04-10T21:03:52Z")
Like it…another tool for the parenting tool kit. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/4 "2012-04-10T21:05:13Z")
Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/5 "2012-04-10T21:16:19Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > False dilemma of course, but the title grabs you. > > I was reminded earlier of the fact that when my youngest was about three years old, she wouldn’t change her behavior if I put her in a timeout (heck, she wouldn’t stay in the timeout) but, somehow, I discovered that if I put _one of her stuffed animals_ in timeout, she became exceedingly compliant. > > Mind you, it wasn’t because she wanted the animal back. She wasn’t saying things like “give me that!” or “I want that!” > > Rather, she was saying “But he’s cold up there!” and “He doesn’t like it up there!” > > And on this basis, she would stop doing hte thing I wanted her to stop doing. I think this would actually make a lot of sense if the stuffed animal in question was involved in the behavior that led to the timeout. Even if it wasn’t, I’d say this is OK as long as there was no threat of permanently losing or destroying the stuffed animal in question. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/6 "2012-04-10T21:27:43Z")
With the caveat that I’m a non-parent, I think it’s great, and here’s why: it introduces her to the concept that not only do her actions have consequences, sometimes those consequences don’t hurt her, they hurt somebody else. Without actually hurting anybody else, because it was a stuffed animal. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/7 "2012-04-10T21:41:43Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > False dilemma of course, but the title grabs you. > > I was reminded earlier of the fact that when my youngest was about three years old, she wouldn’t change her behavior if I put her in a timeout (heck, she wouldn’t stay in the timeout) but, somehow, I discovered that if I put _one of her stuffed animals_ in timeout, she became exceedingly compliant. > > Mind you, it wasn’t because she wanted the animal back. She wasn’t saying things like “give me that!” or “I want that!” > > Rather, she was saying “But he’s cold up there!” and “He doesn’t like it up there!” > > And on this basis, she would stop doing hte thing I wanted her to stop doing. > > So… I wonder what people in general would think of this. It got results. It didn’t involve hitting. On the other hand–I was, in a way, _forcing compliance by holding her friend hostage_. That sounds kind of bad, doesn’t it? > > Anyway, not an advice thread, just kind of an informal poll. I’m curious. Eh, whatever works. All kids are different and at least you found something that gets results. One thing that gets instant results with my daughter, even at the age of 10 where you’d think she’d wise up, is loudly counting down. “You better start cleaning that room in 3… 2…” and that’s all it takes. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/8 "2012-04-10T22:10:49Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > I think this would actually make a lot of sense if the stuffed animal in question was involved in the behavior that led to the timeout. Don’t you suspect that stuffed animal was at a minimum _complicit_ in the bad act? Probably an act instigated by the daughter, but it’s still a lesson for both of them. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/9 "2012-04-10T22:11:59Z")
I like it. It’s creative! The chances of it working on an older child are slim, of course. But in the terrible 2s and 3s, I’m sure you take what you can get. Anyway, I can’t argue with results. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/10 "2012-04-10T22:29:39Z")
I like it. If you stop and think about it, it’s kind of a different version of “no TV”. ---
**Author:** ![living\_in\_hell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@living\_in\_hell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/living_in_hell)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/11 "2012-04-10T22:39:17Z")
You aren’t supposed to negotiate with hostages! ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/12 "2012-04-10T22:39:31Z")
What used to work for me in babysitting days was picking up the phone and saying “Hello? Operator, North Pole please. I need to report a bad child to Santa.” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/13 "2012-04-10T22:51:53Z")
That reminds me of what my mother used to tell my sister and me to keep us from playing with Play-Doh on the carpet. Animal would get us if it found out. Not “an” animal. Not animal_s_. But Animal. That shit scared the bejesus out of me. Fortunately, we graduated from high school that same year and I was outta there. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/14 "2012-04-10T22:52:46Z")
I really like it. I’ll try it with my daughter. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/15 "2012-04-10T22:57:15Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > That reminds me of what my mother used to tell my sister and me to keep us from playing with Play-Doh on the carpet. > > Animal would get us if it found out. Not “an” animal. Not animal_s_. But Animal. > > That shit scared the bejesus out of me. Fortunately, we graduated from high school that same year and I was outta there. Hey, that’s one muppet _I_ wouldn’t want to mess with. Regarding the OP, it sounds fine to me. My approach during my experience with pseudo-parenting was to send the kid to their room. There was a period when the kid responded by punishing us - by refusing to come out. I was kind of okay with that. ---
**Author:** ![Crab\_Rangoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Crab\_Rangoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crab_Rangoon)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/16 "2012-04-10T23:20:53Z")
I completely support this method. The trick as a parent is to always know what your kid cares about the most - then use it against them to elicit the behavior you desire. Fortunately for me, my daughter still really loves to get read to at night - threatening to take away stories usually gets her to get herself ready for bed and stop the foolishness. Usually. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/17 "2012-04-10T23:23:47Z")
I did something similar. “If that ball can’t stay on the floor, it’s going to go on top of the fridge for a while. Time out for the ball.” So I don’t think it’s psychopathic. But I do think it’s most effective if the infraction actually involves the hostage in question. I prefer the “natural consequence” approach to parenting; let cause and effect work \*for \*me. But even there, you’ve got to get creative sometimes. At one point, I discovered that the natural consequence of making a mess - needing to clean it up - was what my daughter \*wanted \*to do. So she’d dump a box of cereal and YAY! now she gets to use the broom! I finally resorted to making her stand 4 feet away to watch me clean up the mess, and she couldn’t lift a finger to help me. Oh, the agony! You’d have thought it involved electrodes, to hear her whimper. But it stopped the purposeful mess-making! ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/18 "2012-04-10T23:37:16Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Don’t you suspect that stuffed animal was at a minimum _complicit_ in the bad act? Probably an act instigated by the daughter, but it’s still a lesson for both of them. Well, taking it away might help to disengage her from what she’s doing, which would be a good thing if you didn’t like what she’s doing at the moment. If she’s (say) throwing her stuffed animal in the living room, she can’t keep doing that if you put the stuffed animal in time-out. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_C](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Captain\_C](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_C)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/19 "2012-04-10T23:42:05Z")
I work with families every day on developing proper parenting techniques and behavior management skills. And to you sir, I must say, that is bloody brilliant! I am so stealing this idea and passing it on to my clients. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406/20 "2012-04-10T23:51:56Z")
As a father of two toddlers, I’m impressed that you didn’t use duct tape, blindfolds and hold a gun to its head. And even that may get my vote for good parenting. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-parenting-or-psychopathic-parenting/618406.md?page=2)