# Good people of the Teeming Millions, let us declare war . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624 "2000-07-15T00:57:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/61 "2000-07-18T14:31:42Z")
I would like to volunteer as a spy for the cause. I happen to have several connections to those within the enemy organizational structure (specifically, I work in a school where there are lots of teens who listen to the enemy). Also, since I’m not of that age group (I’m 31), I won’t be susseptible (sp) to switching sides. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/62 "2000-07-18T16:20:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dragwyr \* > \*\*I would like to volunteer as a spy for the cause. I happen to have several connections to those within the enemy organizational structure (specifically, I work in a school where there are lots of teens who listen to the enemy). > > Also, since I’m not of that age group (I’m 31), I won’t be susseptible (sp) to switching sides. \*\* Done. You’re hired . . . Tripler ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/63 "2000-07-18T16:41:06Z")
Sr. Tripler: My grandfather was in the army for 30 years before retiring at the rank of Brigadier General. He would roll in his grave if I did not tell you I did learn a bit from him. I am a pretty good shot with a gun and have 20/10 vision, so if you need a sniper you’ve got one. I can also assimilate myself into the “teeny bopper” community, as I am not far separated from them myself, and in fact have three living in my own house. I can find out tour dates for you and play the CDs backwards for hidden messages. However, I do not, myself, actually like the music of Spears, NSYNC, BSB, 98 degrees, etc (the names themselves ring me almost to nausea) and as such am immune to the whiny voices of these schoolchildren (some of whom are now almost in their 30s). Please contact me soon about any prospective position. PS: And why the hell don’t we have a fighting 69th? ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/64 "2000-07-18T16:51:56Z")
> [@](#): > > The Government of the United States may deport her to the closest neutral nation for the duration of hostilities I would like to express my thanks on behalf of all of the Canadians who support this effort to **Silver\_Fire** for suggesting Survivor Island. Thank God you didn’t ship 'em all here. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/65 "2000-07-18T17:26:14Z")
Surely Canada can’t remain neutral in this conflict! We just started it because we’re more inherently bloody-minded–I’m sure all right-thinking Canadians agree with our goals. Besides, it’d be _way_ too easy for 'em to get back across the border… ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/66 "2000-07-18T17:38:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Sr. Tripler: > I can also assimilate myself into the “teeny bopper” community, as I am not far separated from them myself, and in fact have three living in my own house. I can find out tour dates for you and play the CDs backwards for hidden messages. > PS: And why the hell don’t we have a fighting 69th? \*\* iampunha - I think I’d like to appoint you as a second Operator/Field Agent. Work for you? Everyone else, we need a ‘Fighting 69th’. As seeing as we don’t have any airpower yet, I’ll organize for a **Fighting 69th Fighter Squadron**. Any takers? Tripler And it’s not “Sr.” I’m not military on this one ( I can’t prosecute and be military. Against ICJ Law). ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/67 "2000-07-18T17:44:30Z")
No, we’re not neutral on this issue. Definitely not. But we’re so laid back, it could be mistaken for neutrality. May I donate a lovely flock of Canadian geese to, umm, accompany the enemy on the island? They may look cute, but if you get too close they can be vicious little bastards… heh heh heh. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/68 "2000-07-18T17:50:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KimKatt \* > \*\*No, we’re not neutral on this issue. Definitely not. > > But we’re so laid back, it could be mistaken for neutrality. > > May I donate a lovely flock of Canadian geese to, umm, accompany the enemy on the island? They may look cute, but if you get too close they can be vicious little bastards… heh heh heh. 😃 \*\* Ooh! Thanks! Now we have a bomb squadon!! ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/69 "2000-07-18T17:55:38Z")
**Order of Battle: 18 July, 2000 as of 1250** Mr Tripler - _Chief Prosecutor, Political Advisor, Masestro of the Madness_ General Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor - _Theater Commander 19th SDMB Corps (19 SDMB)_ **19th Corps Staff Officers** Colonel Arnold Winkelried - _Director of Staff (DOS/19 SO)_ Major Lurkernomore - _Intelligence Officer, Sortie Generation(INTEL/19 SO)_ Major Bucky - _Military Security Police and POW Camp Commander (SP/19 SO)_ **19th Air Combat Group** Colonel Falcon - _Commander 19th Air Combat Group (19 AG)_ Major KimKatt – _Commander 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ \*\* One Flock of Canadian Geese – _Aircrew, 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ **19th Ground Combat Group (19 GC)** Major SwimmingRiddles - _Commander Alpha Company, Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (A/19 GC)_ Major Donnie Rotten - _Commander Echo Company, Mechanized Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (E/19 GC)_ Major Magdalene - _Commander Foxtrot Company, Heavy Weapons, 19th Battalion Landing Team (F/19 GC)_ Major Myrr21 - \*Golf Company, Armor (Amphib), 19th Battalion Landing Team (Golf/19 GC) \* Major Sledman - _Commander Mike Company, Artillery, 19th Battalion Landing Team (M/19 GC)_ Captain RedDragon60 - _Commander Recon/Sniper Platoon (Recon /19 GC )_ \*\* Staff Sergeant Kiva, Staff Sergeant Red\_dragon60 - _Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)_ Captain Balance - _Special Operations/Unconventional Warfare Officer (SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Dragwyr – _Operator/Field Agent 001 (001/SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Iampunha – _Operator/Field Agent 002 (002/SW/19 GC)_ **19th Naval Combat Group** Captain (Naval) Amulet - _Commander Naval Combat Group (19 NCG)_ Lieutenant (Naval) Homer - _Chief of Navel (get it?) Operations (CNO/19 NCG)_ I feel the winds of war blowing. Oh wait, that’s just a haidryer. I wondered why it was so loud . . . Tripler ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/70 "2000-07-18T18:18:08Z")
I would also like to volunteer as an evil spy. I have the added advantage of appearing to be a 12 year old girl dispite the fact that I am 33 year old woman. Of course it would be more interesting if I appeared to be a 12 year old girl while actually being a 33 year old MAN, but those are the breaks, kids. Infiltrate, infiltrate, infiltrate!! ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/71 "2000-07-18T22:47:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > **Tracie, we would declare them a War Criminal and shoot them (get 'em before we turned them over to the Tribunal, military trial . . .)** Before we shoot anybody, I think you would want some information from them. I have 7 brothers & sisters, so I have vast experience in the art of torture with out leaving any signs. If I could be of use to you against the enemy bands and/or war criminals I would be honored. By the way, I’m 27 and used to be a nanny. I have a lot of repressed rage towards the enemy. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/72 "2000-07-18T23:07:16Z")
**Order of Battle: 18 July, 2000** Mr Tripler - _Chief Prosecutor, Political Advisor, Maestro of the Madness_ General Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor - _Theater Commander 19th SDMB Corps (19 SDMB)_ **19th Corps Staff Officers** Colonel Arnold Winkelried - _Director of Staff (DOS/19 SO)_ Major Lurkernomore - _Intelligence Officer, Sortie Generation(INTEL/19 SO)_ Major Bucky - _Military Security Police and POW Camp Commander (SP/19 SO)_ \*\* Lieutenant Little\*Bit - _Interrogations/POW Handler (IPH/SP/19 SO)_ **19th Air Combat Group** Colonel Falcon - _Commander 19th Air Combat Group (19 AG)_ Major KimKatt - _Commander 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ \*\* One Flock of Canadian Geese - _Aircrew, 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ **19th Ground Combat Group (19 GC)** Major SwimmingRiddles - _Commander Alpha Company, Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (A/19 GC)_ Major Donnie Rotten - _Commander Echo Company, Mechanized Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (E/19 GC)_ Major Magdalene - _Commander Foxtrot Company, Heavy Weapons, 19th Battalion Landing Team (F/19 GC)_ Major Myrr21 - \*Golf Company, Armor (Amphib), 19th Battalion Landing Team (Golf/19 GC) \* Major Sledman - _Commander Mike Company, Artillery, 19th Battalion Landing Team (M/19 GC)_ Captain RedDragon60 - _Commander Recon/Sniper Platoon (Recon /19 GC )_ \*\* Staff Sergeant Kiva & Staff Sergeant Red\_dragon60 - _Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)_ Captain Balance - _Special Operations/Unconventional Warfare Officer (SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Dragwyr - _Operator/Field Agent 001 (001/SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Iampunha - _Operator/Field Agent 002 (002/SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Shay519 - _Operator/Field Agent 519 (519/SW/19 GC)_ **19th Naval Combat Group** Captain (Naval) Amulet - _Commander Naval Combat Group (19 NCG)_ Lieutenant (Naval) Homer - _Chief of Navel (get it?) Operations (CNO/19 NCG)_ New Recruits: LT Little\*Bit - Our new Shakedown Artist (IPH/SP/19 SO). She says she’s good with extracting information. If she was a nanny, I believe her. Tripler Cecil himself will tremble at our strength . . . ---
**Author:** ![donnie\_rotten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/71e660/32.png) [@donnie\_rotten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donnie_rotten)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/73 "2000-07-18T23:51:25Z")
just checked back in on the thread… I’m a major, huh? do I get tanks? Tanks are cool… My GF wants a tank. She says she only needs one shell, just one… So, when do we attack? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/74 "2000-07-19T00:08:33Z")
As I am Theatre Commander, I need 3 aides/advisors. 2 Scantily Clad Usherettes (1 short/frilly skirt type, 1 Hotpants Equipped) 1 “Miss Nude Popcorn” Volunteer (note-she must enlist covered in melted butter, extra salty) ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/75 "2000-07-19T00:30:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by donnie rotten \* > \*\*just checked back in on the thread… I’m a major, huh? do I get tanks? Tanks are cool… > > My GF wants a tank. She says she only needs one shell, just one… > > So, when do we attack? \*\* **Major Rotten,** Yup. Mechanized Infantry means Infantry with tanks. She gets one too if she wants to be in the platoon. What’s her name? I’ll make her an operator in yer platoon. **General Bosda,** As Commander 19 SDMB, don’t forget you get your own secretaries. Whatever their uniform is, is up to you. As for the rest of yous, we still need more recruits. Get your mothers, your fathers, brothers, sisters, cats, dogs, goldfish, whatever. Plenty of tanks, rifles, and planes to go around . . . Tripler ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/76 "2000-07-19T00:46:36Z")
CP Tripler: What is the order for advancement within the ranks of secret agents? Also, will I ever get to use physical brutality on those who refuse to talk? I have a few years of martial arts under my belt (pun intended) and I know ways of making people talk . . . but perhaps being a secret agent is work enough? I guess I just really want to see this POS music eradicated from the history of the world, and spikes put through the perps as a lesson to future teeny boppers. Is that so wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Kiva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@Kiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiva)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/77 "2000-07-19T01:20:45Z")
> [@](#): > > **Staff Sergeant Kiva, Staff Sergeant Red\_dragon60 - Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)** Cool. Hi Red\_Dragon! So, Tripler, what’s the line of action? Who’s in command here? May I request an uzi? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/78 "2000-07-19T02:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kiva \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > **Staff Sergeant Kiva, Staff Sergeant Red\_dragon60 - Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)** > > Cool. Hi Red\_Dragon! > > So, Tripler, what’s the line of action? Who’s in command here? > > May I request an uzi? > \*\* Uzi? As a sidearm? Absolutely. But remember, as Recon/Sniper, yer primary weapon is a .50 Caliber (1/2 inch) rifle, capable of whacking someone up to (and over) one mile away. Ooh, and sorry. Red\_Dragon60 is your commanding officer. Slight typo. Sorry . . . ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/79 "2000-07-19T02:57:17Z")
**Order of Battle: 18 July, 2000** Mr Tripler - _Chief Prosecutor, Political Advisor, Maestro of the Madness_ General Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor - _Theater Commander 19th SDMB Corps (19 SDMB)_ **19th Corps Staff Officers** Colonel Arnold Winkelried - _Director of Staff (DOS/19 SO)_ Major Lurkernomore - _Intelligence Officer, Sortie Generation(INTEL/19 SO)_ Major Bucky - _Military Security Police and POW Camp Commander (SP/19 SO)_ \*\* Lieutenant Little\*Bit - _Interrogations/POW Handler (IPH/SP/19 SO)_ **19th Air Combat Group** Colonel Falcon - _Commander 19th Air Combat Group (19 AG)_ Major KimKatt - _Commander 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ \*\* One Flock of Canadian Geese - _Aircrew, 19th Bomb Squadron (BS/19 AG)_ **19th Ground Combat Group (19 GC)** Major SwimmingRiddles - _Commander Alpha Company, Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (A/19 GC)_ Major Donnie Rotten - _Commander Echo Company, Mechanized Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (E/19 GC)_ Major Magdalene - _Commander Foxtrot Company, Heavy Weapons, 19th Battalion Landing Team (F/19 GC)_ Major Myrr21 - \*Golf Company, Armor (Amphib), 19th Battalion Landing Team (Golf/19 GC) \* Major Sledman - _Commander Mike Company, Artillery, 19th Battalion Landing Team (M/19 GC)_ Captain RedDragon60 - _Commander Recon/Sniper Platoon (Recon /19 GC )_ \*\* Staff Sergeant Kiva - _Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)_ Captain Balance - _Special Operations/Unconventional Warfare Officer (SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Dragwyr - _Operator/Field Agent 001 (001/SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Iampunha - _Operator/Field Agent 002 (002/SW/19 GC)_ \*\* Secret Agent Shay519 - _Operator/Field Agent 519 (519/SW/19 GC)_ **19th Naval Combat Group** Captain (Naval) Amulet - _Commander Naval Combat Group (19 NCG)_ Lieutenant (Naval) Homer - _Chief of Navel (get it?) Operations (CNO/19 NCG)_ Okay, For all yous unfamiliar, I kinda modeled this after a Marine Expeditionary Unit. General Bosda is the Theater Commander, and from there it goes Group to Company/Squadron down to the actual “operators” noted by two asterisks ‘\*\*’. To move up the ranks, you have to effectively terrorize ‘teeny bopper’ record company executives into submission. Save the actual ‘teeny boppers’ for the war, that way we can have some serious fun looting and pillaging. Promotions come before the invasion. I’m not in charge, I’m just kind of organizing the whole thing. Sorta like the Tupperware party from hell, except we got M1A1 tanks and Javelin ATGMs. Tripler I authenticate: ‘DOWNWITHBRITNEY’ Time 0155Z 20000718 ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624/80 "2000-07-19T03:00:00Z")
Field Agent 001 (Code name: Dragwyr) reporting Sir. After spending time secretly following the activities of my target group, it would appear that the enemy has a large following of people in the 12 to 17 age group. This group is much larger than we have originally estimated with numbers in the 100’s of thousands! It would appear upon closer examination that these people are enduring some form of brain washing or hypnotism. My guess is that the rhythmical sound of the bass in the so-called music that they are subjected to on a daily basis is subliminally influencing this very impressionable crowd. In other words: they don’t know any better. I recommend extreme measures for countering the brain washing effects of this music as well as more land, air and naval reinforcements on all fronts. With the numbers I’m seeing here, this may not end any time soon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-people-of-the-teeming-millions-let-us-declare-war/25624.md?page=5)