# Good resource for sixth grader to learn comprehensive sex ed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2015, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081 "2015-02-19T12:42:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/21 "2015-02-20T06:20:40Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > How do you define sex-positive and abstinence-only? In my “sex ed” (in California) I was told about condoms and the like but also (correctly) that abstinence is the only 100% foolproof way to avoid STDs and/or pregnancy. I think such an “abstinence-encouraged” form of sex ed strikes the right balance. Whaaaaattt??? She don’t eat meat but she sure like the bone. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/22 "2015-02-20T06:28:23Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > I made a conscious choice sometime back not to post any longer in IMHO (or Great Debates), so in that case I’m out after this post. So…your approach to certain forums is abstinence-only? 😉 > [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I think such an “abstinence-encouraged” form of sex ed strikes the right balance. The problem with abstinence-only education is that they don’t teach ANY forms of birth control at all (except abstinence, of course.) Basically the teachers are saying, _“Do as we say, don’t ask questions, blah blah”_ as if saying that to a bunch of horny teenagers has ANY effect whatsoever… Of course, with the Internet nowadays, one wonders if teens learn more about contraception outside of school than they did in my day. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/23 "2015-02-20T08:50:16Z")
Well, I guess the OP won’t see this now, but I’ve heard [Scarleteen](http://www.scarleteen.com/)recommended repeatedly by the sex+ community here as a really good sex ed resource for teens. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/24 "2015-02-20T10:28:40Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > Wow, OP… my jaw just dropped. Is this a public school? Abstinence-only, by the anti-abortion league?!! How did… why… dear Og. Good on you for catching it and not exposing your kid to all that. That’s exactly how it worked when I was in school. I think the main concern for the school was cost, and the local antichoice center was giving it away for free. The abstinence part wasn’t even that bad. The bad part was the lies about contraception and basic biology. Lke that 25% of condoms had holes in them so large that it didn’t matter if you had one on or not, because they froze and shattered while being shipped from Chinese sweatshops on unheated cargo jets. Or that you could get a girl pregnant simply by letting your pubic areas touch through two pairs of underwear, because maybe you had a wet dream in that underwear a few weeks ago and the sperm will activate and leap into the girl’s vagina. Then there were the _stories_. The preacher woman knew all these young men who had DROPPED DEAD of sex. One was lured into a closet by the promise of sex with some young seductress, stripped nude, and then pushed back out into the party with no clothes on; he was so embarrassed he KILLED HIMSELF DEAD, BECAUSE SEX. Then she knew a teenager who died of AIDS in his senior year of high school, because a girl gave it to him WITH SEX. (And even though it was a mixed class, it was always the boys who DIED. The girls in her stories were either pregnant or sociopathic temptresses.) (This is 100% serious and not, to my recollection, embellished in any way.) ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/25 "2015-02-20T12:42:53Z")
Its Perfectly Normal is the book they use for 6th grade OWL. Its darn good. 9th grade OWL was more talking - very little book. And apparently it was a lot of kids telling the grown up leaders that binary gender and sexuality definitions made very little sense to a whole room of Unitarian 14 and 15 year olds - who, in general, saw both their gender and their sexuality as more fluid than “Lesbian woman” or “straight guy.” (Unitarian Youth group - where introductions are your name, your school and grade, and your preferred pronoun). That my daughter took these courses pre-public school health class (and that she has a compulsion to share information) meant she was feared by the teachers. If the teacher wasn’t going to bother to explain anal sex - the dangers and benefits - to a room of sixth graders - my daughter would. Abstinence only? Not while she was around. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/26 "2015-02-20T16:01:03Z")
OP’s kid is in the 6th grade. They probably don’t want dad or mom talking to them about sex, and probably already have a crudely sense of what it is that they’ve developed from their friends. As parents, you have to start much younger (7-9 years old) if you want to be the first influence on what healthy sexual understanding is. After that kids don’t really want to listen to their parents, and are probably misinformed already. (i.e. Spencer gift reference above). ---
**Author:** ![Lemmytheseal2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lemmytheseal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemmytheseal2)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/27 "2015-02-20T21:01:59Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Well, I guess the OP won’t see this now, but I’ve heard [Scarleteen](http://www.scarleteen.com/)recommended repeatedly by the sex+ community here as a really good sex ed resource for teens. That calls for a PM! I sent one. > [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > That’s exactly how it worked when I was in school. I think the main concern for the school was cost, and the local antichoice center was giving it away for free. > > The abstinence part wasn’t even that bad. The bad part was the lies […] > > (This is 100% serious and not, to my recollection, embellished in any way.) That’s always so infuriating. I don’t know why people can’t look at sexuality as just another prosaic fact of life. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > Its Perfectly Normal is the book they use for 6th grade OWL. Its darn good. > > 9th grade OWL was more talking - very little book. And apparently it was a lot of kids telling the grown up leaders that binary gender and sexuality definitions made very little sense to a whole room of Unitarian 14 and 15 year olds - who, in general, saw both their gender and their sexuality as more fluid than “Lesbian woman” or “straight guy.” > > (Unitarian Youth group - where introductions are your name, your school and grade, and your preferred pronoun). > > That my daughter took these courses pre-public school health class (and that she has a compulsion to share information) meant she was feared by the teachers. If the teacher wasn’t going to bother to explain anal sex - the dangers and benefits - to a room of sixth graders - my daughter would. Abstinence only? Not while she was around. Heh. That’s awesome! > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > OP’s kid is in the 6th grade. They probably don’t want dad or mom talking to them about sex, and probably already have a crudely sense of what it is that they’ve developed from their friends. > > As parents, you have to start much younger (7-9 years old) if you want to be the first influence on what healthy sexual understanding is. After that kids don’t really want to listen to their parents, and are probably misinformed already. (i.e. Spencer gift reference above). That really depends. I had very few (but slightly more than zero) conversations with my parents about that sort of thing, but it wasn’t due to any particular familial repression. I just never seemed to show much interest in girls (or boys, though in retrospect I’ve realized that some baffling conversations from my youth were actually attempts by my parents to figure out if I was gay.) I only became interested in girls (or finally accepted the interest I had personally repressed) a few years later. The point is, it wouldn’t have been too late for me, and I might have really appreciated it. I got misinformed as well, but not from my friends (as we rarely talked about that sort of thing, and eventually I lost my friends anyway), and not from Spencer Gifts, but rather from TV and movies, and, more importantly, the lovelorn and obsessive music I was listening to. So now I’m 33 and have never really had a girlfriend, and years go by between any kind of physical contact with a woman. I just never caught up. Now, I realize this is more about relationships than sexuality, but shouldn’t good sex-ed include that as well, with a heavy emphasis on consent? ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/28 "2015-02-22T19:40:28Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > That my daughter took these courses pre-public school health class (and that she has a compulsion to share information) meant she was feared by the teachers. If the teacher wasn’t going to bother to explain anal sex - the dangers and benefits - to a room of sixth graders - my daughter would. Abstinence only? Not while she was around. Benefits of anal sex for sixth graders? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![SJL4041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@SJL4041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SJL4041)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/29 "2015-02-22T19:57:34Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > Benefits of anal sex for sixth graders? > :dubious: My local parish has been handing out those pamphlets for years. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/30 "2015-02-22T20:20:57Z")
> [@SJL4041](#): > > My local parish has been handing out those pamphlets for years. Roman Polanski has a church now? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/31 "2015-02-22T20:21:18Z")
Yeah, but I don’t know if demons and pitchforks really count as “anal sex”, exactly. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Tara57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@Tara57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tara57)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/32 "2015-02-22T21:28:39Z")
I have heard good things about this book and its follow-up: > **[Amazon.com: The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls,...](https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834)** > > Amazon.com: The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition (American Girl Library): 8601404233258: Schaefer, Valorie, Masse, Josee: Books ---
**Author:** ![Lemmytheseal2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lemmytheseal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemmytheseal2)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/33 "2015-02-22T22:18:11Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > Benefits of anal sex for sixth graders? > :dubious: _To_ sixth-graders. The drawbacks and benefits were being explained to them, by the daughter in question. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/34 "2015-02-22T22:55:51Z")
I take it “Our Bodies, Ourselves” would be beyond a 6th grader? I don’t know – I’m a guy. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/35 "2015-02-23T06:24:23Z")
I personally think it would be hard to find anything you agree with 100%. So take and pick from different sources. Plus one source, say Planned Parenthood in one location, may not be the same as in another one. One may be some pretty radical fanatics while another might truly be caring people. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/36 "2015-02-23T19:20:24Z")
> [@Lemmytheseal2](#): > > _To_ sixth-graders. The drawbacks and benefits were being explained to them, by the daughter in question. Isn’t her daughter so super awesome. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081/37 "2015-02-23T21:49:03Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Isn’t her daughter so super awesome. 🆒 She is! Slacker did ask for comprehensive. The thing is that abstinence only education is a mistake on multiple levels - 1) it doesn’t instruct to do what if. 2) As the example of my daughter shows, kids WILL get their educations on sex from somewhere. If you are lucky, it comes from some sort of reputable source - hopefully not then passed through a sixth grader - and in an environment where misinformation can be addressed - like within a health class where its being taught with open mindedness. But realistically, your kids are most likely to learn it from other kids who got it from other kids. Or maybe from a somewhat sketchy internet site. But they will seek out that knowledge right around that age - some earlier, some in a few years. If they are gay, they are almost certain to start looking for it, because non-procreative sex is a huge mystery we shield kids from. If it isn’t Tab A into Slot B, we don’t talk about it. If there isn’t a Tab A involved, or Slot C or D IS involved we, as adults, pretend it doesn’t exist. Kids are less naive than that. I’m a firm believer that in an ideal world, parents would introduce these concepts ahead of time or have them introduced from a source the parents trust - but the pragmatic me knows many don’t. That doesn’t mean the kids don’t find out something, even if its very, very wrong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-resource-for-sixth-grader-to-learn-comprehensive-sex-ed/713081.md?page=1)