# Good ways for a woman to "pick up" a guy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332 "2005-04-14T19:32:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/21 "2005-04-15T20:54:38Z")
> [@Wintermute](#): > > Really? Let’s test that, shall we? I think you forgot the “and jump me” part. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/22 "2005-04-15T21:09:43Z")
If I hadn’t been daring enough to get the ball rolling with the guys I’ve known, I might still be a virgin. For me, there’s been three ways of getting things started: 1. Conventional conversation. You strike up a bit of inocuous conversation, often beginning with a vaguely purposeful question (“Do you happen to know if this [album, movie, whatever] is any good?” for example). If the chat sets off sparks, you can introduce yourself. 2. If you can do observational humor, go ahead and make him laugh. Wash, rinse, and repeat, as necessary. I happen to be quite adept at this. After a guy laughs a couple of times, the ice is sufficiently broken to hazard a casual intro. (“Hi, I’m \_\_\_…”) 3. The rare, overt come-on. Once I made The Move on a friend (as in, “just friends”). I simply told him that I had come to feel Certain Feelings for him, and that I knew this was likely something of a shock. I _wanted_ to further elaborate on this, to tell him that if he didn’t feel the same way about me, that that was O.K., but that if he changed his mind in the future, he could rest assured that my feelings for him will not have changed – but there was no need. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/23 "2005-04-15T21:22:10Z")
Then there’s always the Heinleinian heroine technique: “I usually find that walking into the room naked gets the message across.” ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/24 "2005-04-15T22:10:24Z")
> [@Wintermute](#): > > Really? Let’s test that, shall we? > > Tears off clothes and shouts, “I WANT YOUR BABIES, SLORTAR!” > > ??.. > > Hello?.. > Crickets chirping… Who are you, strange person? I have no babies to give you! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/25 "2005-04-15T22:34:51Z")
Proof positive that some of us may well be beyond help: [QUOTE=Audrey Levins] Ask him for help. Directions/guidance/opinion/“can you reach that shelf?” etc., etc. If all goes well this will lead to a conversation–which you will have to initiate because a lot of guys are clueless and will assume you really did just actually need his help for a moment–during which you can say, “Thanks so much! Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something?”[.quote] I don’t drink coffee and probably wouldn’t see this as a pick-up attempt. But if it helps I would have thought that someone asking for help - unless it was obvious that no help was needed - was actually in need of help. (And just so I can keep using that word, help help help help help.) > [@](#): > > If he’s interested, he’ll take you up on it, or exchange digits with you or whatever; if he’s not, he’ll politely decline and brag to all his buddies that you tried to pick him up. (Guys feel just as flattered as girls do. They just pretend otherwise.) Third option: if he really is completely clueless he’ll say something like “Thanks, but I don’t drink coffee. You need anything else?” > [@](#): > > Btw, one of my girlfriends goes an even more direct route; if she’s in a bar, she’ll buy whatever it is the guy is drinking, walk up to him and say, “I noticed you could use another beer. Hi, I’m Natasha!” > > If you’re in a supermarket, though, I can’t see the same theory working. “I noticed you were buying bananas! Look, I bought you another pound of 'em! I’m Natasha!” That … _might_ work. But then if I think I’m being hit on I tend to assume it’s just my imagination. > [@](#): > > But I guess you could always seize the same spirit and just walk up to a guy and tell him honestly that you think he’s attractive and would he like to grab a coffee or a drink with you or whatever. Takes more cajones, but faint heart never won fair guy. _That_ would work. I think. Except I still don’t drink coffee, so the “I think you’re [quality I wouldn’t mind someone thinking I have]” would be the key thing. I think bright flashing neon signs were invented for some guys[sub]like me[/sub]. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/26 "2005-04-15T22:35:50Z")
Drinking helps. 😃 But I wouldn’t buy a guy a drink as a way to show interest. That would set a suckass precedence for me buying the drinks. haha. I would rather idle up to the bar while he’s ordering and say “can I squeeze in here?” Perhaps brushing into him slightly, depending on how crowded it is perhaps not so slightly. Then while waiting for the bartender, strike up a little chit chat. By the time the bartender comes over, your new buddy will be the one buying _you_ the drink. Trust me on this. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/27 "2005-04-15T22:39:33Z")
And of course, as thanks for the beer, you sit with him for a few and hopefully things will flow from there. I’m a pretty overt flirter, so my intentions have rarely been mistaken. Yeah, I’m a former slut, whateva. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/28 "2005-04-15T23:35:18Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > We need a club for non-single Doper women who secretly wish they could pick up (or had when they were single) strange men. > > Wait, that sounds a little off. I think I meant men who are strangers. Although around here, you never know. Maybe we do want strange men. > > And yes, it’s fine to call me taxicab, or taxi, or even cab! HEY CABBIE! Seriously, I have gotten results with, “I \*really \* want to kiss you.” But that’s not really the best way to \*pick up \* a guy, is it? Him: “How do you know what kind of melon is good?” Me: “I \*really \* want to kiss you.” Nope, doesn’t flow. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/29 "2005-04-15T23:35:52Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > I don’t drink coffee and probably wouldn’t see this as a pick-up attempt. Oh, come on: I don’t drink coffee, either, but I’d still know that “hey, wanna get some coffee?” meant that I was being flirted with. Heck, I’ve been known to use that line myself, despite not being a coffee drinker! 😃 > [@Indygrrl](#): > > I would rather idle up to the bar while he’s ordering and say “can I squeeze in here?” Perhaps brushing into him slightly, depending on how crowded it is perhaps not so slightly. Then while waiting for the bartender, strike up a little chit chat. By the time the bartender comes over, your new buddy will be the one buying you the drink. Trust me on this. True, I’ve had that work for me, as well. It can be quite effective. 🙂 What’s scary is when the only space at the bar is next to someone you _don’t_ want to brush up against/chit chat with … and you see that look on his face when you squeeze in… :eek: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/30 "2005-04-15T23:38:31Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Him: “How do you know what kind of melon is good?” > Me: “I \*really \* want to kiss you.” > > Nope, doesn’t flow. I know at least one guy you’d have in your pocket immediately. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/31 "2005-04-16T01:14:04Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Oh, come on: I don’t drink coffee, either, but I’d still know that “hey, wanna get some coffee?” meant that I was being flirted with. Heck, I’ve been known to use that line myself, despite not being a coffee drinker! 😃 Yes, but when you bear in mind that I have the social awareness of tissue paper, it becomes less difficult to believe. Example: Who: me, my youngest sister, my brother and a (Quaker? Something. The whole family, and we’re talking Irish Catholic in size, were all dressed in grey clothing and the women had bonnets on) girl. Where: Six Flags 6+ years ago; bumper cars When: During the day Brother and I are just doing bumper cars allllll day long. I love it, he loves it, and it’s not like we’re depriving anyone else of the opportunity to ride the things. Sometimes he rides with me, sometimes we ride in separate cars - oh, right. Back to the meat of the story. All of a sudden here walks in the aforementioned group of all-dressed-the-same folks. Brother and I team up in the same car and go after them in the spirit of the fact that these cars are made to be driven like that. We get bumped, we bump, it’s all good fun. (Except for the fact that we’d already figured out which two cars were fastest, so we had the homefield advantage.) My sister, meanwhile, lacking that day the pointless competitive drive, merely stands back and watches. After a race or two, at which point this girl is about to leave with the rest of her family, she comes up to me and says, “So we were really bumping each other hard there, y’know?” I respond with something vanilla, she says some other stuff (perfectly innocent, or so it seemed to me then, and for that matter it still seems pretty innocent), I respond, I think she’s just bored or something. An hour or so later my sister tells me, “So you know that girl was flirting pretty hard with you, right?” “Why didn’t you tell me that when she was still here?” I ask her in a rather … animated state. “It was so obvious, I figured even you could figure it out.” I haven’t gotten much better since then. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/32 "2005-04-16T01:26:09Z")
Well… you could start lifting weights, or seek out midgets, or just use a crane. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/33 "2005-04-16T02:35:45Z")
> [@Creaky](#): > > Being clumsy, in my experience, seems to attract guys. I’m a bit clumsy so I know. I find that weird, but it seems to appeal to a lot of men. Maybe it’s Sandra Bullock Syndrome or something. Um, **Creaky** : I seem to remember a picture you posted in one of the pic threads some time back. Judging by that picture, I don’t think it’s the clumsy trait that’s attracting the guys. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/34 "2005-04-16T03:06:37Z")
**John Carter of Mars** , you made my night, and trust me, it’s been a long one. Thanks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/35 "2005-04-16T06:15:52Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > I know at least one guy you’d have in your pocket immediately. Two! But seriously, **iampunha** , I wouldn’t have got that either. About the only time I have gotten it is when the female pretty much came right out and told me. I have figured it out (or been told) later that someone was flirting with me, but I don’t see to get it in real time. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![rabbitH20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@rabbitH20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rabbitH20)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/36 "2005-04-16T07:58:36Z")
Hey, women can be just as mystified by supposedly obvious signals! Once I was at a bar with some friends and a guy walked over and leaned on the bar right next to me and ordered a shot. I knew he was there but didn’t think anything of it, b/c I was next to the register. I noticed that he was cute but that was it. After he lingered for a few minutes and left, one of my friends pulled me aside and said, “RABBIT, you should have done something!” What? “He was right on top of you, you know, he didn’t have to walk ALL THE WAY around the bar and squeeze into YOUR corner to order his drink. And he kept glancing over, & you just ignored him!” Oh. I still feel like people should make it obvious. I’m a girl, and I’m always obvious. One key thing is eye contact- look them in the eye, a little past when it starts to get uncomfortable, and smile. Also, find a way to touch them. For some reason, men seem to get the hint much faster if you lean in and put an actual hand on them. Verbal cues are easy to ignore but ACTUALLY pawing at them a little is an unmistakeable sign. Me? I just wish mr. tequila shot had had enough balls to put his hand on my shoulder and offer me a drink. I was horny that night, too 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/37 "2005-04-16T14:57:31Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > Yes, but when you bear in mind that I have the social awareness of tissue paper, it becomes less difficult to believe. Pfft. I can beat that. I was friends with this absolutely gorgeous girl and I went up to visit her at UCLA one day to do the Westwood thing. Clues I missed: 1. Towards the end of the evening, we walk by the parking lot where I was parked and I’m ready to start heading home. She says, “Why don’t you come back to my dorm room and hang out a bit more?” I say I don’t want to bother her roomie. She says her roomie will be with her boyfriend that night. 2. On the walk back to her room, she says it’s a bit cold and snuggles up against me. 3. When we get back to her room, she puts on a movie. She sits on her bed, I’m sitting on her desk chair. She says, why don’t you come sit on the bed with me. I do, still completely obvlivious. 4. After a few minutes on the bed, she gives me an unsolicited shoulder massage. I still have no idea what’s going on. 5. The absolute kicker: The movie ends and it’s near midnight. I say, I should probably head home and let you get to bed. She says, “Well, if you don’t think you’re up to the drive home, you can stay here for the night.” Of course, she surely thought that nobody could miss this one. Alas, she was incorrect. I say, “No thanks, I don’t want to bother you.” :smack: :smack: :smack: A mutual friend who lived in the same building had come in halfway through the movie and witnessed most of what was going on just shook his head and called me retarded as I left. I couldn’t figure out why… ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/38 "2005-04-16T15:14:21Z")
An ex once told me a story of going to a party, where a woman monopolized his conversation all night. As he mentioned he was tired and was going home, she snuggled up to him and asked him if he wanted to have breakfast the next morning (without handing over her phone number). He still didn’t get it, and asked, “Sounds fun. What time do you want to pick me up?” ---
**Author:** ![Dancer\_Flight](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dancer_flight/32/7601_2.png) [@Dancer\_Flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dancer_Flight)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/39 "2005-04-16T15:58:25Z")
For guys like me, they’ve invented a button. It reads “Flirt Harder-- I’m a Physicist”. -DF ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/40 "2005-04-16T17:44:23Z")
> [@Dancer\_Flight](#): > > For guys like me, they’ve invented a button. It reads “Flirt Harder-- I’m a Physicist”. Two questions: [ul] [li]Where do I get one of those?[/li][li]Do they have an adhesive sticker version I can put on my forehead?[/li][/ul] Stranger [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332.md?page=3)