# Good ways for a woman to "pick up" a guy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 14, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332 "2005-04-14T19:32:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/41 "2005-04-16T17:51:47Z")
The one I have says “Shy, hard of hearing, and near-sighted, PLEASE FLIRT AGGRESSIVELY” Lok ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/42 "2005-04-16T18:33:02Z")
The absolute perfect line is, “Do you want to go to a Dopefest?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sensibility](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@Sensibility](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensibility)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/43 "2005-04-16T19:57:18Z")
What a great opener to my very first visit to the website!! I can honestly say that I have been subtle, and a littel unsubtle with one particular friend…at least as much as my conscience will allow, but to no avail yet…guess Im still very old fashioned…still think it should be him to make the first move - always tend to think that men prefer it to be that way…? maybe not!! ? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/44 "2005-04-16T21:03:35Z")
> [@Sensibility](#): > > still think it should be him to make the first move - always tend to think that men prefer it to be that way…? maybe not!! ? Some of us do not:) Although for folks like **Neurotik** and me, keep a note handy with this written on it: "I am interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Are you similarly interested in me? Check one: ( )Yes ( )No ( )Ew!" ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/45 "2005-04-16T21:40:09Z")
If you can get past the initial “Hi, I’m raz, yadda yadda yadda” part, I find that using humor can be a great advantage. I’ve got a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and at times can be quite witty, and I’ll throw some of that out there. If they laugh, good sign! If they don’t laugh that either means you aren’t funny (very real possibility, especially with me) or they’re just not the humorous type in which case you should run away. ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/46 "2005-04-17T00:06:46Z")
Remember to use the legs, not the back. Which oddly enough still sounds like good advice. There’s also the possibility that the guy _is_ picking up on your subtle hints, but has convinced himself that it’s just his imagination twisting everything you say or do into a perverse little hint. Meaning that, yes, he will believe that you snuggled up to him that you really were cold… and that you then took off your shirt because you were hot. Or that you wanted him to see what your lip gloss tasted like, but, oops, must’ve lost it somewhere. Now, objectively, having a half naked girl laying on top of you with her lips on your mouth sends a pretty clear message, right? Right. But we didn’t get there in one step. So if you’ve got someone that’s _just not getting it_, sending progressively more and more brazen signals might be counter-productive. You’ve got to jump to something excessive, something which has no other explanation other than your real intentions. Also, contradicting the innocuous interpretations or subtle stuff could work, too. Snuggle up, look him in the eye, and, in as flat a monotone as you can muster, say “I am not cold.”. Then enjoy his warmth. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/47 "2005-04-17T00:32:32Z")
I think I can top all the tales of obliviousness. A few years ago there was a woman I worked with who I was quite smitten with. We’d hung out a little bit, just friends stuff. On Valentine’s Day I gave her flowers and invited her to a play that was opening the next week. She said yes; I was thrilled. A couple days later she sent me an e-mail asking if I could get another ticket so she could bring a date. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/48 "2005-04-17T02:50:06Z")
> [@Creaky](#): > > **John Carter of Mars** , you made my night, and trust me, it’s been a long one. Thanks! 😃 My pleasure! ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/49 "2005-04-18T00:45:25Z")
The stories of “subtle (or unsubtle) clues I missed” are great! **Neurotik** , if that had been me, I don’t think I’d have ever talked to you again. I’d think that the guy didn’t want me and I’d be really embarrassed to have tried anything! Great story though. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/50 "2005-04-18T01:10:37Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > The stories of “subtle (or unsubtle) clues I missed” are great! **Neurotik** , if that had been me, I don’t think I’d have ever talked to you again. I’d think that the guy didn’t want me and I’d be really embarrassed to have tried anything! Great story though. The worst part is that I _wanted_ to hook up with her. And everyone knew it, even her! I just didn’t think she was interested in me. Fortunately, a few weeks later we were hanging out again and she finally just looks at me and says, “Look, hints didn’t work, so I’m going to have to try a different approach. I really like you and we should go out.” My jaw pretty much hit the floor. I’m a bit more aware nowadays. For instance, I know that if a woman is giving me a shoulder rub that I didn’t have to beg for, she probably is interested. OK, that’s all I know. So, that’s my advice to any women trying to pick me up. Walk over, introduce yourself and give me a shoulder rub. But still be prepared to come out and explain exactly what you’re after, just in case. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/51 "2005-04-18T05:48:03Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > “Hi. I’m Boris! Let’s have a few more beers and go play with Moose and Squirrel.” 🙂 Bwahahahaha! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/52 "2005-04-18T12:29:27Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Him: “How do you know what kind of melon is good?” > Me: “I \*really \* want to kiss you.” If it’s not immediately followed by a warm, affectionate kiss, then it is just sarcasm. You have to follow through on something like that. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/53 "2005-04-18T12:47:30Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > This reminds me of the Dave Barry column where he talks about all those cover stories from **Cosmopolitan** – “Using a complex technique to turn a man on is like giving fine French cuisine to a Labrador Retriever.” It’s not necessary – guys will respond to obvious interest. Well, and this may have already been addressed (I haven’t gotten that far yet), imho, the complex technique is more for the benefit of the shy, terrified ask **er** to be rather than the ask **ee**. I guess the question sill remains, do the complex techniques still work though? I know that I, for one, do feel more comfortable with them than a more brash approach, which somehow feels unfemiinine (don’t bite me, I came of age in an ancient ere :D). ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/54 "2005-04-18T16:04:41Z")
> [@Audrey Levins](#): > > Btw, one of my girlfriends goes an even more direct route; if she’s in a bar, she’ll buy whatever it is the guy is drinking, walk up to him and say, “I noticed you could use another beer. Hi, I’m Natasha!” > > If you’re in a supermarket, though, I can’t see the same theory working. “I noticed you were buying bananas! Look, I bought you another pound of 'em! I’m Natasha!” > > 😛 A sense of humor can work wonders. I’m pretty shy, and my wife got my attention by making fun of me and by having a fine sense of humor in general. We would cross paths often at work and she would always take a gentle good-natured poke at me and get me out of my shell. One of my clueless stammering idiot moments occurred when I first came to NYC. I was wandering the book stalls on fifth ave at the south end of central park and this woman came up beside me and started thumbing through the post cards and she turned to me with this big smile and said “Hi!”. I smiled and said “hello” back, then we both turned back to postcard flipping-through and my mind raced - now what do I do? Ask her for a cup of coffee? Yeah that’s it!! Ask her for a cup of coffee! Yeah, but then what? Damn, where do we get a cup of coffee around here anyway?? Oh crap! there she goes!! So, ladies, if you’re going to use a direct approach, allow some time for your target to recover. A plan requiring a simple Yes or No would be welcome. ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/55 "2005-04-18T17:38:26Z")
I’m dense. And I mean really, really dense. The last girl to pick me up in a bar actually had to tell me straight out what she wanted. That was after she pulled up a barstool, struck up a random conversation at the bar and discussed (what I hope was) her entire sexual history with me. We need a new, internationally-recognized hand signal for “excuse me, but I’m flirting with you.” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/56 "2005-04-18T18:46:08Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > “I _really_ want to kiss you.” After a brief field test (one test subject), this worked for me on Saturday after my usual opening line: “Hi.” Scientific proof that this will work in at least some boy-picking-up-girl situations. Yes, she was a total stranger, no, neither of us were drunk yet. The response consisted of three parts: 1. 4.7 seconds of silent locked gaze 2. “Well, why don’t you then?” 3. A rather nice smooch. I love science. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/57 "2005-04-18T19:18:13Z")
On the one hand, it gives me hope that there are people like me. On the other hand, if there are many more of us, this can’t be a good thing for the future of humanity. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/58 "2005-04-18T20:06:37Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > After a brief field test (one test subject), this worked for me on Saturday after my usual opening line: “Hi.” > > Scientific proof that this will work in at least some boy-picking-up-girl situations. > Yes, she was a total stranger, no, neither of us were drunk yet. > > The response consisted of three parts: > > 1. 4.7 seconds of silent locked gaze > 2. “Well, why don’t you then?” > 3. A rather nice smooch. > > I love science. I think your initial findings are interesting, but we need to repeat the experiment. I would assist, but I’m seeing someone. Hell, maybe I’ll just try it on her tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/59 "2005-04-18T20:08:29Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > On the other hand, if there are many more of us, this can’t be a good thing for the future of humanity. Don’t fret: y’all are balanced out by the throngs of folks who think that any eye contact or interaction whatsoever means “let’s get it on!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332/60 "2005-04-18T20:33:53Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Don’t fret: y’all are balanced out by the throngs of folks who think that any eye contact or interaction whatsoever means “let’s get it on!” 😉 There’s a re-work of a statistics joke in there, but the punchline would be too groan-inducing to produce here… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/good-ways-for-a-woman-to-pick-up-a-guy/299332.md?page=4)