# Got any advice about buying an engagement ring? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202 "2005-05-24T01:12:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/21 "2005-05-24T13:37:41Z")
Mine’s an interesting opinion that’s not yet been put forward. I come from a long line of “alternate stone” people - my brother bought his beloved an emerald (her favorite) and my sister got an amethyst (her favorite). I didn’t need a diamond, didn’t want a diamond, and was rooting for an opal (my favorite). (Yeah, they’re all our birthstones - good they’re our favorites, huh?) SpouseO, before he was SpouseO, went the diamond route, partially because his family’s much more traditional than mine and partially because he wanted to. However, he does know my tastes. He also went the extra step - he went to several jewelry stores, and settled on one that he appreciated. Then he worked with their jewelry designer there and had a ring custom made. It’s simple: a marquis diamond in a simple gold band, with a silver, well, rod, I guess, running from one side of the band to the opposite point of the diamond. It’s georgeous, and it’s just me. I love it, and I love that it’s one of a kind. Perhaps this is a route to take - it needn’t be expensive just because you designed it yourself. Regardless of what you choose (whether to buy it without her or take her along), she’ll love you for it. I don’t think I missed out on anything not picking out my ring, and I’m pretty certain that the girls who picked out their ring feel like they missed out either. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/22 "2005-05-24T13:42:19Z")
If you don’t have her pick her own ring, at least make sure she is on the same page. 1. She isn’t going to say no (it happens). 2. You understand her ideas about rings. As has been mentioned, some women prefer alternate stones, some would like a downpayment towards a house, some don’t think they are engaged without a rock they can use to signal ships from shore should they become stranded on a desert island. Make sure you understand your sweetie’s wishes. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/23 "2005-05-24T15:22:31Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > I agree with this. I’d much rather have a really nice sapphire ring than a mediocre diamond ring. For that matter, some women would rather have land or put a goodsized downpayment on a home rather than have a ring. A suitable engagement present depends on the couple in question. Do you have your heart set on presenting her with a ring? Does she have her heart set on a DIAMOND ring? I, personally, prefer not to buy new diamonds, for political reasons, but that’s just my own feelings about it. > > I’d also suggest asking your intended to go “window shopping” with you, if you really want to get her a ring. I have to chime in here as well - the incredible push for diamonds is absolutely stupid. It is basically an advertising ploy. Get her a beautiful ring with some other stone - frex I detest diamonds and adore opals, so _if_ i were the type to wear rings at all, mrAru would have gotten me an opal [spent time as a machinist as my first job, and hate wearing rings, watches, bracelets…or long loose hair=] and whatever rock you end up buying DON’T SPEND MORE THAN ONE MONTHS SALARY ON IT. and only spend that much if you have it saved in the bank. _don’t_ ‘finance’ it and make monthly payments. Heck, if she would rather have the ‘engagement ring’ be the nucleus of a retirement fund, or a shitzu, be nintraditional and do so=) Please discuss it with her. Most women default to the diamond because of marketing brainwashing…almost any other rock in the world is better bang for the buck than a diamond $/k wise. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/24 "2005-05-24T15:42:57Z")
I will second the advice of Renob and cherry, I went to pricescope to learn about diamonds, and wound up buying the rock and setting from DirtCheap. Cut is very important, the angles of the cut will separate the sparkling jewel from the frozen spit. If the cut is too deep or shallow, the light won’t reflect back out, and the diamond will be dull. Color, I figure once you get better than H on color, you can barely tell the difference, even with a platinum setting. Clarity, SI1 (maybe even SI2) and higher, you pretty much can’t see any difference either, so why spend more? Though you might see an occlusion from the side, depending on the setting, they are graded looking down from the top. Carat, I would stay away from the “just over” sizes, like just over 1 carat. They get a premium and the cutter has incentive to cut the diamond to hit the mark rather than give a top notch cut. That said, listen to the good advice here, know what she wants, how she feels about diamonds vs. alternate stones, don’t bust your budget. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/25 "2005-05-24T15:52:04Z")
Occlusion… duh, they’re called inclusions. SI = Slightly Included ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/26 "2005-05-24T16:05:39Z")
We got mine at an antique market. Got the wedding band at a different antique market. It was a lot cheaper than buying new, and I like white gold and delicate Art Deco type patterns anyway, and you can’t find those new these days. The total cost was about $500. Good deal, especially if you like old-fashioned settings. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/27 "2005-05-24T16:13:41Z")
> [@Cat Jones](#): > > I don’t mean to jump on you **AngelicGemma** but I didn’t feel that way at all. > Shopping for an engagement ring together can be both romantic and erotic **tim314** , you share the excitement and the thrill/terror of making that first step of tangible commitment. Guess it just depends on the girl then. > [@Cat Jones](#): > > (Just don’t put yourselves under pressure to find the right ring in a single day!) Definitely! It took my fiance and I 3 trips. > [@Scarlett67](#): > > I’ll disagree with this also. Mr. S and I had a wonderful time ring shopping. On our third trip out, it wasn’t as romantic. 😃 > [@Scarlett67](#): > > Go ring shopping and take her to lunch. She’ll love it! Everyone is different. It may not be her thing. But I’m sure **tim314** will know one way or the other. ---
**Author:** ![MrsMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@MrsMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsMonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/28 "2005-05-24T16:21:03Z")
My husband bought my ring from [www.bluenile.com](http://www.bluenile.com). He was able to customize the ring by choosing which band, which stone, the number of prongs to hold the diamond in, etc… The ring is absolutely beautiful and appraised for twice as much as he bought it for. Very fast delivery too. I’m in the find out her likes and dislikes at the very least about rings. Hubby used to comment on other womens’ rings and see how I responded to them. 🙂 Best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/29 "2005-05-24T16:31:29Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Jones] Here’s another idea, although you may not like it - why not propose without a ring, you may want ‘something’ to give her at **the** moment but it doesn’t have to be **the** ring - flowers, a little bracelet or trinket, a novelty ring - then you could go looking for **the** ring together. [QUOTE] I agree I agree. **Bird Man** and I shopped for rings together after the proposal (which I did 😃 ) It was great! We got a ring on sale, lovely, just what I wanted! Aquamarine, not a diamond, pretty, shiney…lovely. Does your lady have a bestest friend who knows what she likes? I had made sure to take my bestest friend out ring shopping with me when I knew I wanted to marry the guy. In case **Bird Man** needed help shopping for a ring, bestest buddy would be there to help. Never underestimate the power of a bestest buddy. Enlisting his/her help in the setting up of the proposal would be a great idea too! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/30 "2005-05-24T16:36:37Z")
> [@Arwin](#): > > I hear \*\*Johnny L.A. \*\* might [have one for sale](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=317952) … [It’s a very small ring](http://pw1.netcom.com/~heliboy/ring.jpg), I’m afraid. I’d just lost my job, and it was the best I could do at the time. It was just a token, anyway. I’d planned to give her my mother’s ring (which is like 2kt., and mom said it was worth about 13 kilobucks) when she moved out. But that didn’t happen. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/31 "2005-05-24T16:50:22Z")
Speaking as a recently engaged girl, I’m with the crew that thinks your girl might want to shop for her own ring. You know your girl best of course, but shopping for a ring with my sweetie was actually best for me. I got a ring I love and was sure fit properly. If you want to have the proposal with ring in hand scene, you can always get a placeholder ring and tell her that you’d be happy to take her shopping for her engagement ring. My ring is of the colored gemstone variety though - I’m not a big fan of diamonds. Never have been. I love my sapphires! Also it was less expensive for the SO - which translates to improved domestic finances, which I like 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/32 "2005-05-24T18:28:55Z")
Thanks to everyone for their helpful tips and well wishes. In answer to your questions, my girlfriend is fairly traditional, much more so than myself in fact. Personally, I’m not exactly a big fan of the diamond industry . . . but I think she’s always envisioned herself getting engaged with a diamond ring, so that’s what I’d like to give her. (She might be open to another precious gem like sapphire, though . . . I may have to feel her out on that a bit more, especially if I can’t find a diamond I like for a price I can afford.) At any rate, I know she doesn’t want me to spend a ridiculous amount either . . . so it’s going to mean walking a bit of a fine line. With regard to the question of picking one out together – I think she might prefer to be surprised, but I assume we’ll go shopping together when it comes time to pick the wedding bands. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/33 "2005-05-24T19:50:22Z")
Advice I’ll never forget when asking the same thing years ago… Avoid the diamond district in NYC, even the drug pushers don’t go near there because they don’t want their reputations tarneshed. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/34 "2005-05-24T20:28:54Z")
Speaking as a totally non-traditional recently engaged girl, I got my ring (not a diamond) at a custom and layaway clearance sale for less than $200. I didn’t need a diamond (and would’ve been nervous about wearing one, anyway. Of course, I paid for it (as I have a job that brings in a bit more than he does, and no debt) and our wedding bands, so price was a big deal for me. Do yourself a favor, and don’t spend over 3 digits. You can get a fantastic ring for less than $1000, and you won’t have to put yourself in to debt over it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/96bed5/32.png) [@Cat\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Jones)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/35 "2005-05-25T09:24:03Z")
> [@](#): > > On our third trip out, it wasn’t as romantic. 😃 Yeah perhaps my rose tinted specs were taking me back to the first attempt - it acutally took us 4 different countries ! > [@](#): > > Avoid the diamond district in NYC, even the drug pushers don’t go near there because they don’t want their reputations tarneshed. How true is this ??? A stroll along ‘diamond avenue’ managed to make buying an engagement ring feel sleazy ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/36 "2005-05-25T19:37:52Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Personally, I’m not exactly a big fan of the diamond industry . . … Then I’m sure you’ve read Cecil’s take on the matter: [http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040903.html](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040903.html) and the SDMB comments on Cecil’s column: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=274452&highlight=diamond](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=274452&highlight=diamond) Interesting reading, I think. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/37 "2005-05-25T20:09:50Z")
My darling Marcie selected her own engagement ring and absolutely loves it. Had I bought a ring without her, she would have undoubtedly returned it and picked out her own anyway. And, we had a lot of fun shopping for it. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202/38 "2005-05-25T20:46:27Z")
> [@Stainz](#): > > My honey surprised me with an engagement ring that is perfect for me - a diamond in the centre, with two sapphires (each the same size as the diamond) on either side of it. It’s a fairly traditional setting I think, but more personalized because he knows I love sapphires … Yours sounds somewhat similar to mine. I have a diamond solitaire in the center, which was my engagement ring. There are four sapphires, two on each side, framing the solitaire, and then two smaller diamonds on the outside next to the sapphires. I get more compliments on it! I think it’s because the sapphires really set off the diamonds and make it stand out over other rings. Though part of it could be because I’m left-handed and a reporter, so a lot of people see it. Personally, I’m happy I did not select my own ring. My husband did a much better job than I ever could have, and it means more to me knowing that he wanted me to have it. In my mind, it’s perfect. I did request the sapphires (though I didn’t insist upon it), because sapphire is my birthstone and his. I also chose his ring myself, and paid for it (despite the jeweler’s near insistence that I have him pick it out) without even having him try it on (I did try it on). It fit perfectly and he loved it. Which reminds me, **tim314** , you should check at the jeweler’s to see if they give discounts on the men’s wedding band with the purchase of your future fiance’s ring. I got 20 percent off my husband’s wedding band because I got it at the same jewelry store where he got my ring. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-advice-about-buying-an-engagement-ring/305202.md?page=1)